Resource Depression/Anxiety the silent killers - everyday is RUOK day. #SpeakUpStayChatTy

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Val Keating

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 27, 2017
6,650
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Anyone had EMDR therapy? I’m giving it a crack soon. My Psychiatrist has me starting in Feb.
I canceled that appointment because I was too busy- had to finish a renovation for a client. I’m going in tomorrow....feeling pretty weird about it to be honest.
 

Val Keating

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 27, 2017
6,650
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North Melbourne
Good luck!
Cheers. Didn’t do too much today. She just needed some background from me. So for the 5th time I have to start over telling my story to the doctor. Probably need a few of those sessions before we start the treatment. Apparently we have to identify incidents when I experienced trauma to focus in on when we do the eye thing. Mine isn’t one event that we can focus on, it’s many number of events, more then I can remember tbh. Anyway I’ll give it a go, what’s the worst that can happen?
 

Sopwiths North

Canadia Roo
Feb 22, 2018
767
3,504
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Cheers. Didn’t do too much today. She just needed some background from me. So for the 5th time I have to start over telling my story to the doctor. Probably need a few of those sessions before we start the treatment. Apparently we have to identify incidents when I experienced trauma to focus in on when we do the eye thing. Mine isn’t one event that we can focus on, it’s many number of events, more then I can remember tbh. Anyway I’ll give it a go, what’s the worst that can happen?

In a way, the worst is maybe over, just because you're there. We don’t get to choose about horrible stuff that happens to us in life, but we can choose how we respond to it, and try to take back our lives the best we can. Knowing that the ball can be in your court like that is empowering. It’s super courageous of you to take on the ball this way Val. I hope the EMDR works for you, even if you have to dredge through it all multiple times for them. It’s always such a freaking process, this healing thing. But it’s also always the right choice to fight for your self (yes, separate words!). So keep punching, no matter what. You’ll get there, whichever way, and we’re all here for you.
 

roospur

Senior List
Jun 17, 2008
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Hey guys, So I've (self diagnosed) been battling depression and anxiety for years. Always brushed it aside and forgot about it. Recently my wife and I have been having problems and are 3 months in to a trial separation. We have 2 young kids so it's been hard going for both of us. Anyway, I've taken the plunge to see a doctor this week but I'm anxious to say the least about it. I always find it hard to express my feelings, I guess a lot of the time I have a sort of numbness to certain things. Any of you that have seeked help what should I expect in regards to my initial appointment? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
 

DarkPhoenix

Cont-Roo-Versial
May 26, 2009
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Hey guys, So I've (self diagnosed) been battling depression and anxiety for years. Always brushed it aside and forgot about it. Recently my wife and I have been having problems and are 3 months in to a trial separation. We have 2 young kids so it's been hard going for both of us. Anyway, I've taken the plunge to see a doctor this week but I'm anxious to say the least about it. I always find it hard to express my feelings, I guess a lot of the time I have a sort of numbness to certain things. Any of you that have seeked help what should I expect in regards to my initial appointment? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
Hey mate, thanks for reaching out.

The first consult can be scary. If you're worried you aren't going to be able to remember what to say, write down everything as it comes to mind during the week, then you can just go over it as a checklist once you get to the doctor.

Most doctors are NOT trained around mental health so they're not always the 100% best contacts, but they can refer you to a psych who is far better qualified to help you talk through things, they're trained to get you talking about the right things. I believe you are entitled to free mental health consults each year (Possibly 10?) under medicare.

In regard to what to expect, it will just be a lot of "What do you think is making you feel this way?" "When did it start?" etc, its usually pretty light. They might prescribe you a mild anti depressant which you can fill immediately, but don't expect medication to work overnight, it can take up to a month to get into your system and start working.
 

roospur

Senior List
Jun 17, 2008
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Hey mate, thanks for reaching out.

The first consult can be scary. If you're worried you aren't going to be able to remember what to say, write down everything as it comes to mind during the week, then you can just go over it as a checklist once you get to the doctor.

Most doctors are NOT trained around mental health so they're not always the 100% best contacts, but they can refer you to a psych who is far better qualified to help you talk through things, they're trained to get you talking about the right things. I believe you are entitled to free mental health consults each year (Possibly 10?) under medicare.

In regard to what to expect, it will just be a lot of "What do you think is making you feel this way?" "When did it start?" etc, its usually pretty light. They might prescribe you a mild anti depressant which you can fill immediately, but don't expect medication to work overnight, it can take up to a month to get into your system and start working.
Thanks for the reply DP, the Doc I'm seeing specialises in men's mental health so I'm hopeful he's decent.
 

DarkPhoenix

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May 26, 2009
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Thanks for the reply DP, the Doc I'm seeing specialises in men's mental health so I'm hopeful he's decent.
If you're seeing a specialist you're in good hands mate.

If you feel the doctor isn't taking you seriously though make sure you try someone else, had a few friends who were put off seeking help by bad doctors.
 

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Groin guru

Cancelled
Apr 21, 2017
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Thanks for the reply DP, the Doc I'm seeing specialises in men's mental health so I'm hopeful he's decent.
He is likely to discuss the mental health care plan (https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-care-plan) - as DP said you're entitled to a rebate for 10 sessions. Like you I went to a GP that specialised in mental health just as a starting point in hopes that he can point me in the right direction. He wrote up a referral and gave me some advice that included workshops, men's wellness groups (I assume like an AA structure).

One of my best friends killed himself at the start of the year - out of nowhere. I didn't know and nor did his long-term girlfriend. No note, nothing. I met up with his parents and it was hard talking to them about it - especially when they imply that myself and/or his girlfriend should have picked up on something. It's fine that they did because I understand that's how some people have to deal with grief. A week later we found out one of our dogs will pass in 6-12 months - I hold dogs in higher regard to people so this hurts.

I started to go to couples therapy and by myself. Everything is fine from a relationship standpoint and personally but I still think it's a worthy exercise. I'm not depressed or anxious but I do think we are like cars in that we need an oil change from time to time. I think couples therapy is good because we tend to unpack things differently and it helps to understand one another better. One of my biggest annoyances (probably why mental health is such a challenging issue) is this need for people to try and keep you busy - as if being alone = you are thinking bad thoughts. Some people just need time to reflect. Being out with people doesn't help me get over things, it just delays it.

Finding someone that is right to talk to seems to be the biggest issue. The GP and someone we were referred to were a bit too spiritual and healthy for my liking. I prefer science and evidence based with exercises/articles/books to read.

Snake has shared some of Albert Camus and Charles Bukowski's work before in other threads. I find that stuff far better. I've listened to this for over a year (especially when at the gym)


because I like this https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/997009-invent-yourself-and-then-reinvent-yourself-don-t-swim-in-the

Good luck Roospur. Well done on coming forward. Keep coming back in here if you feel like sharing. I think this thread is great in that it's almost like a private support group. Find what works for you - if it's self-reflection, looking to someone that has been through something similar, or needing emotional support and someone to vent to. It's trial and error, but beneficial. Stick at it :thumbsu:
 

kool kangas

Club Legend
Sep 2, 2007
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As l suffer from anxiety and stress we as a family decided to go overseas to England and Paris for 4 weeks to relax and decided to drive around as l find driving helps me. We are now into our last week and in Paris. So far after leaving 1 location and heading to another which was 4 hours away we left a laptop at the hotel we were staying at which added an extra 4 hours onto the drive so 8 hours instead of 4. Then 2 hours out from returning the car the windscreen cracked and the excess to cover it was 1200 pounds (around $2200). $1700 of that l expect to get back but its just an inconvenience. Then we got on the Eurostar to go to Paris and 1 hour into the trip the train runs over a person and kills them causing us to sit on the train for another 4 hours.At least we a still alive, l feel so sorry for the persons family. We think that the person deliberately did it. So l cant wait to get back home for what is hopefully a week of rest and going to the footy before returning to work. Eventhough we might not be going well at least it be good to start going again. Win or lose.
 

SMaturin

Premiership Player
Oct 27, 2010
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This is a wonderful thread.

I’m going ok, but like we all do I have my ongoing poo to push up hill.

My first born turned one a month ago and life is good.

Unfortunately my wife and I - who don’t really bicker or argue about much else - have had the spectre of our long term plans becoming more and more of an issue as time and life rolls on.

I won’t attempt the full story of what on paper can only appear as somewhat of a petty and very first world problem to have, but ultimately the most important value and thing that has motivated me to get through all aspects of adult life (including various times of complete poo) has been the desire to move back to my home town and take on the family home (built by my great grandfather).

Identify and community are central to me, and it seems that as time goes on my wife and I are on completely different pages as to what we want.

It’s hard. On paper it seems like nothing, and it sounds even worse when I try to vernalise it. But at the moment it’s just a bit hard.
 

Kanga Glory

Club Legend
Nov 1, 2010
2,811
5,793
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North Melbourne
This is a wonderful thread.

I’m going ok, but like we all do I have my ongoing poo to push up hill.

My first born turned one a month ago and life is good.

Unfortunately my wife and I - who don’t really bicker or argue about much else - have had the spectre of our long term plans becoming more and more of an issue as time and life rolls on.

I won’t attempt the full story of what on paper can only appear as somewhat of a petty and very first world problem to have, but ultimately the most important value and thing that has motivated me to get through all aspects of adult life (including various times of complete poo) has been the desire to move back to my home town and take on the family home (built by my great grandfather).

Identify and community are central to me, and it seems that as time goes on my wife and I are on completely different pages as to what we want.

It’s hard. On paper it seems like nothing, and it sounds even worse when I try to vernalise it. But at the moment it’s just a bit hard.
Hang in there mate, I’m sure it will work out for you, home roots can have a strong pull and would be a great place to bring up your family.
 

LuvtheKangas

Brownlow Medallist
Mar 11, 2006
15,362
31,731
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North Melbourne
This is a wonderful thread.

I’m going ok, but like we all do I have my ongoing poo to push up hill.

My first born turned one a month ago and life is good.

Unfortunately my wife and I - who don’t really bicker or argue about much else - have had the spectre of our long term plans becoming more and more of an issue as time and life rolls on.

I won’t attempt the full story of what on paper can only appear as somewhat of a petty and very first world problem to have, but ultimately the most important value and thing that has motivated me to get through all aspects of adult life (including various times of complete poo) has been the desire to move back to my home town and take on the family home (built by my great grandfather).

Identify and community are central to me, and it seems that as time goes on my wife and I are on completely different pages as to what we want.

It’s hard. On paper it seems like nothing, and it sounds even worse when I try to vernalise it. But at the moment it’s just a bit hard.
I'll preface this by saying I am in no way qualified to give any advice on this. But maybe a suggestion.

Given this is your longer term objective, is it worth just keeping it on the lowdown for the next year or two and just having a look at how things have progressed after that period? If you can, don't spend a lot of time thinking or talking about it whilst it's still something that's a fair way out in the future. You would at least save yourself the stress of thinking it's not going to happen the way you'd hoped. It's likely that you'll have a clearer view of the situation in a couple of years and it just might pan out that your wife warms to the idea again. Or she might not, but in the latter case, you won't have stressed continually up to that point.
 

SMaturin

Premiership Player
Oct 27, 2010
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I'll preface this by saying I am in no way qualified to give any advice on this. But maybe a suggestion.

Given this is your longer term objective, is it worth just keeping it on the lowdown for the next year or two and just having a look at how things have progressed after that period? If you can, don't spend a lot of time thinking or talking about it whilst it's still something that's a fair way out in the future. You would at least save yourself the stress of thinking it's not going to happen the way you'd hoped. It's likely that you'll have a clearer view of the situation in a couple of years and it just might pan out that your wife warms to the idea again. Or she might not, but in the latter case, you won't have stressed continually up to that point.
Cheers mate.

It’s very good advice, and one that I’ve tried to implement l over the journey.
I’m normally faaaairly disciplined in how I broach things.
I guess what makes me want to kick a cat is how things quickly devolve into very negative (to put it mildly) conversations whennit does come up, during which I don’t feel as though I’m being acknowledged, other than as being blinkered into unreasonable selfishness by my point of view.

Today I made a mistake and it turned to complete shit.

But you’re right. Life is long and at 35 I (hope) have plenty still to go. A history of diagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder can make perspective tricky at times but is also a major part of what makes me me and see things differently to lots of other people.

It’ll be right. Just have to hope we’re both as invested in each other as I know I am.
 

mouncey2franklin

Club Legend
Jun 16, 2018
2,491
3,842
AFL Club
North Melbourne
This is a wonderful thread.

I’m going ok, but like we all do I have my ongoing poo to push up hill.

My first born turned one a month ago and life is good.

Unfortunately my wife and I - who don’t really bicker or argue about much else - have had the spectre of our long term plans becoming more and more of an issue as time and life rolls on.

I won’t attempt the full story of what on paper can only appear as somewhat of a petty and very first world problem to have, but ultimately the most important value and thing that has motivated me to get through all aspects of adult life (including various times of complete poo) has been the desire to move back to my home town and take on the family home (built by my great grandfather).

Identify and community are central to me, and it seems that as time goes on my wife and I are on completely different pages as to what we want.

It’s hard. On paper it seems like nothing, and it sounds even worse when I try to vernalise it. But at the moment it’s just a bit hard.
Thank you for sharing this. In some ways our lives are very different, but in some ways I can 100% relate.

Poo up hill indeed. Life, hey?

Congrats on the bubs, by the way.
 

kool kangas

Club Legend
Sep 2, 2007
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As l suffer from anxiety and stress we as a family decided to go overseas to England and Paris for 4 weeks to relax and decided to drive around as l find driving helps me. We are now into our last week and in Paris. So far after leaving 1 location and heading to another which was 4 hours away we left a laptop at the hotel we were staying at which added an extra 4 hours onto the drive so 8 hours instead of 4. Then 2 hours out from returning the car the windscreen cracked and the excess to cover it was 1200 pounds (around $2200). $1700 of that l expect to get back but its just an inconvenience. Then we got on the Eurostar to go to Paris and 1 hour into the trip the train runs over a person and kills them causing us to sit on the train for another 4 hours.At least we a still alive, l feel so sorry for the persons family. We think that the person deliberately did it. So l cant wait to get back home for what is hopefully a week of rest and going to the footy before returning to work. Eventhough we might not be going well at least it be good to start going again. Win or lose.
l just found out that our pet cat whom we have raised from a kitten 16 years ago has passed away while we are still away. l'm hoping that this is the end of the bad luck.
 

DarkPhoenix

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May 26, 2009
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l just found out that our pet cat whom we have raised from a kitten 16 years ago has passed away while we are still away. l'm hoping that this is the end of the bad luck.
Condolences mate.

Pets aren't just animals, they're family, it hurts to lose one especially one you've had so long.

I have a cat who is getting on in age, she's 19 and well past her prime, I'm dreading the day she passes.

Chin up, and get around family, remember the good times.
 

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