Resource Depression/Anxiety the silent killers - everyday is RUOK day. #SpeakUpStayChatTy

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AdmiralBenson

All Australian
May 21, 2019
660
1,122
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Right. Where to start. Life was great, 37, good job, fit, amazing daughter, lots of partner opportunities, ok house i own down here in sleepy Hobart.

Well then it suddenly changed.

I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.

So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.

Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.

I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.

Well........

Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.

Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.

Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.

I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.

Reality scares the complete sh*t out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)

I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.

So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)

I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.

So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.

I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.

So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is sh*t constantly.

I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).

Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.

Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)

So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.

I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....

I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely shithouse, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?

Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.

But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.

I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.

Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.

I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.

Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.

Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.

Cheers.

Admiral.
 
Last edited:

DarkPhoenix

Cont-Roo-Versial
May 26, 2009
33,826
38,930
Hobart, Tasmania
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
ManCity, Cardinals, Avalanche
Right. Where to start. Life was great, 37, good job, fit, amazing daughter, lots of partner opportunities, ok house i own down here in sleepy Hobart.

Well then it suddenly changed.

I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.

So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.

Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.

I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.

Well........

Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.

Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.

Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.

I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.

Reality scares the complete **** out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)

I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.

So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)

I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.

So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.

I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.

So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is **** constantly.

I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).

Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.

Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)

So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.

I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....

I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely shithouse, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?

Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.

But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.

I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.

Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.

I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.

Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.

Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.

Cheers.

Admiral.
Absolutely no worry about dragging the thread down, this is what the thread is for. Venting and getting everything off your chest. Sometimes just getting it out there in text can be cathartic.

You've said you don't want support, now its just finding what it is you do want. Its a hard and very difficult situation you've been put in and obviously theres no quick fixes. The court system is f’ed and often takes the mothers side for no reason at all, i've seen it way too often with friends.
 

Luke72

Premium Platinum
Aug 21, 2012
3,911
8,026
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Right. Where to start. Life was great, 37, good job, fit, amazing daughter, lots of partner opportunities, ok house i own down here in sleepy Hobart.

Well then it suddenly changed.

I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.

So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.

Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.

I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.

Well........

Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.

Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.

Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.

I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.

Reality scares the complete **** out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)

I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.

So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)

I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.

So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.

I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.

So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is **** constantly.

I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).

Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.

Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)

So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.

I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....

I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely shithouse, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?

Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.

But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.

I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.

Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.

I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.

Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.

Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.

Cheers.

Admiral.
I know nothing about these things but that is a pretty extreme amount to be drinking and I’ve had some friends badly affected by long term excessive drinking. For your daughters sake, and your own, I’d try to rein that in a little.

Keep in touch however you can with your daughter whether it’s with letters or phone calls and hopefully she will come back. I have no kids so I can’t offer any advice from personal experience. You should try to meet someone new and have another kid.
 

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AdmiralBenson

All Australian
May 21, 2019
660
1,122
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I’ve had some friends badly affected by long term excessive drinking. For your daughters sake, and your own, I’d try to rein that in a little.
.
Thanks mate, i drank very little with my daughter.

Maybe re-read msg - my spiral was from losing her to bogus sexual allegations and frankly - i ran out of money fighting.

The drink wasn't the reason i lost her, it's only way i coped.

But thanks again.
 

AdmiralBenson

All Australian
May 21, 2019
660
1,122
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Absolutely no worry about dragging the thread down, this is what the thread is for. Venting and getting everything off your chest. Sometimes just getting it out there in text can be cathartic.

You've said you don't want support, now its just finding what it is you do want. Its a hard and very difficult situation you've been put in and obviously theres no quick fixes. The court system is ****** and often takes the mothers side for no reason at all, i've seen it way too often with friends.
All good points mate, I've read back and now aware of your issues.

I can't pretend to help you (i can't even fix mine with with Gov't run pro programs for free). Useless.

I wanted mine to be a one hit wonder, as I'm going down not up, but thank you for support.

It's not that i don't need support, it's more it hasn't helped. Reason is as it hasn't solved why Ex has remarried and done this (other than "I'm sorry", "life can be hard" etc etc.

**** that. I'm very aware I've been screwed over.

Changes nohing. Drinking does change something- i feel happy for a change.
 

Luke72

Premium Platinum
Aug 21, 2012
3,911
8,026
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Thanks mate, i drank very little with my daughter.

Maybe re-read msg - my spiral was from losing her to bogus sexual allegations and frankly - i ran out of money fighting.

The drink wasn't the reason i lost her, it's only way i coped.

But thanks again.
Yeah I got that just saying in general while the body copes with that kind of consumption for a while it can’t last. I have a mate who is now in a wheelchair from drinking, it has messed him up.

Good luck with the rest, from my experience (sisters/nieces) teenage girls get pretty difficult and it wouldn’t surprise me if you’re daughter searches you out. Just let her know you’re always available and try to be the better person rather than shitcan her mother/step father.
 

mouncey2franklin

Premiership Player
Jun 16, 2018
4,301
6,127
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Cheers.

Admiral.
It might not make you feel any better but I hope you know you are not alone in what has happened to you.

Sadly it happens all the time, right across Australia.

Men who just want to work and spend time with their kids, ruined by ex-spouses who know how to play the game.

And the game is stacked heavily against the father, as you know full well from experience.

There are many other guys out there who are going through this too, and you might be amazed how much comfort can be taken from begin around people who know how it is.
 

AdmiralBenson

All Australian
May 21, 2019
660
1,122
AFL Club
North Melbourne
It might not make you feel any better but I hope you know you are not alone in what has happened to you.

Sadly it happens all the time, right across Australia.

Men who just want to work and spend time with their kids, ruined by ex-spouses who know how to play the game.

And the game is stacked heavily against the father, as you know full well from experience.

There are many other guys out there who are going through this too, and you might be amazed how much comfort can be taken from begin around people who know how it is.
Thanks mate. All points noted and i agree.

Just found out this week that my Ex has decided not to work.

Which means my payment increase massively, to support payments. (which I've always done)

She drives a near 100K Audi and they live in a multi millionaire home.

Yet i don't even see my daughter. I will struggle now to even own my very basic home. (my Ex would know this)

Whole system is ****ed and I'm over it.

(but thanks mate)
 
Last edited:

Phillyroo

Norm Smith Medallist
Jan 17, 2014
7,214
14,194
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Philadelphia Eagles Baby
Phillyroo Hate to tag you in here mate, but as you've had experiences with an ex-spouse and Child custody problems, was wondering if you had any insights to give on how to keep your chin up in tough times?
Hey mate, thanks for tagging me. I’ll have a proper read through the thread before I write too much. I’ll be back soon.
 

Groin guru

Brownlow Medallist
Apr 21, 2017
10,261
29,953
Destination Club
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Right. Where to start. Life was great, 37, good job, fit, amazing daughter, lots of partner opportunities, ok house i own down here in sleepy Hobart.

Well then it suddenly changed.

I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.

So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.

Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.

I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.

Well........

Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.

Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.

Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.

I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.

Reality scares the complete **** out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)

I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.

So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)

I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.

So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.

I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.

So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is **** constantly.

I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).

Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.

Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)

So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.

I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....

I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely ****house, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?

Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.

But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.

I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.

Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.

I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.

Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.

Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.

Cheers.

Admiral.
Not boring at all. That completely sucks especially when you did all the right things (work, family, etc). The spiteful actions and wanting to put your best friend down really makes my blood boil. Thanks for sharing.
 

Forever North

Club Legend
Apr 24, 2011
1,223
2,646
Greek Islands
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I worked at the Child Support Agency around 15 years ago. I lasted around 18 months. The system back then and probably now just sucked. I left in absolute disgust. Anyway what I used to tell fathers who had little or no custody because of vengeful and vindictive ex's is to write down every single time you made contact or attempted to make contact with your children, when you rang, what you did, what you bought them for their birthday, Christmas etc etc. Basically keep a diary. Children inevitably grow up, mature and become free thinking adults. They will have the capacity to make a fair judgement and understand the situation a lot better as they get older hopefully.
 

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mouncey2franklin

Premiership Player
Jun 16, 2018
4,301
6,127
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Onya Froggy!!

Now I get why Snake doesn't rate you.
Unfair call on Snake.

A lot of the problems facing men today (and note that the suicide rate for males is 4x that for females) stem from what Snake would refer to as the PC agenda.

Telling men to be less manly is not a way to assist their mental health. It is a away to destroy it.

Telling men that they are 'privileged' when they suffer more workplaces accidents and deaths, and lose their children more often in custody battles, does not assist their mental health.
 

Sopwiths North

Canadia Roo
Feb 22, 2018
957
4,475
under the stars
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Kugluktuk Grizzlies
Unfair call on Snake.

A lot of the problems facing men today (and note that the suicide rate for males is 4x that for females) stem from what Snake would refer to as the PC agenda.

Telling men to be less manly is not a way to assist their mental health. It is a away to destroy it.

Telling men that they are 'privileged' when they suffer more workplaces accidents and deaths, and lose their children more often in custody battles, does not assist their mental health.
Jeez Mounce, I was making a joke. Snake has continually shredded anything to do with our club promoting anything other than football, mental health included. He's also been a bit down on Froggy lately. That's all there was in my post. I have not called him privileged, or made any comment on his "manliness".

Look, I know where many of you guys are coming from on here. And I have firsthand knowledge of a lot of the stuff some of you have gone through. I've seen it for myself, and I've been through it. Some of the things that Admiral Benson has had happen to him - I know. And I'll be the first person to say that the system is crap, and unfairly skewed to always assume a child's mother is the most qualified parent. It's an absolute ****ing horror show, what some men are put through when it comes to accessing their kids. I know that first hand. And I apologise, with utter sincerity, if that's what was being read into my post. But it honestly wasn't my intention. I'm just sick to death of Snake canning anything about our club that relates to caring for one another like a normal human being in this world.
 

mouncey2franklin

Premiership Player
Jun 16, 2018
4,301
6,127
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Your way to deal with being sick of how people treat others unfairly, is to pick on Snake for airing his honest opinions, on issues which a lot of people are too scared to stick their necks out on?
 

Sopwiths North

Canadia Roo
Feb 22, 2018
957
4,475
under the stars
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Kugluktuk Grizzlies
Your way to deal with being sick of how people treat others unfairly, is to pick on Snake for airing his honest opinions, on issues which a lot of people are too scared to stick their necks out on?
My way to deal with Snake behaving at times like the entire football club belongs to him is to call him out on it. And I'm not the only who does on here. Strange that you would single me out.
 

Engimal v3

Premium Platinum
Sep 21, 2017
4,996
9,459
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Right. Where to start. Life was great, 37, good job, fit, amazing daughter, lots of partner opportunities, ok house i own down here in sleepy Hobart.

Well then it suddenly changed.

I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.

So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.

Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.

I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.

Well........

Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.

Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.

Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.

I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.

Reality scares the complete **** out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)

I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.

So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)

I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.

So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.

I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.

So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is **** constantly.

I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).

Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.

Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)

So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.

I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....

I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely ****house, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?

Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.

But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.

I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.

Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.

I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.

Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.

Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.

Cheers.

Admiral.
Not much I can offer other than being a fellow Tasmanian to talk to. Shoot me a PM if you're feeling like sh*t, or even just want to chat.
 

ferball

Premium Platinum
Jul 24, 2015
19,135
36,486
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Right. Where to start. Life was great, 37, good job, fit, amazing daughter, lots of partner opportunities, ok house i own down here in sleepy Hobart.

Well then it suddenly changed.

I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.

So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.

Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.

I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.

Well........

Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.

Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.

Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.

I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.

Reality scares the complete **** out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)

I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.

So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)

I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.

So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.

I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.

So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is **** constantly.

I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).

Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.

Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)

So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.

I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....

I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely ****house, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?

Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.

But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.

I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.

Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.

I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.

Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.

Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.

Cheers.

Admiral.
You didn't waste our time or do anything wrong typing all that. Its all good.

I reckon you need some mushrooms.

Or to go and do something life threateningly dangerous. Join ISIS or spend some time on a sea shepherd boat. Take up flying wingsuits.

Therapy, support, sobriety all that other stuff won't do sh*t. You need something dangerous and meaningful.

Either that or go back to slowly drinking yourself to death.

I know its probably not a comfort to hear that but its how it is.

You're never gonna get that old life back (it seems you know that) and if you want to build the chance of a different one with your daughter in the future then you need to do something that changes your brain permanently. The way you feel is a result of changes to your brain chemistry and the changes to your life have caused those changes. If you want to break out of that cycle or rut of feelings you need something to jolt some change.

And ... like it or not you have a duty to your daughter to do it (change your brain,) because she might need you in the future and then she'll need the you you can be if you look after yourself not the one you'll end up being if you let it go to sh*t.

Its hard to have everything you thought was solid ripped away from you. I know and I've seen what its done to others as well.

But unless you are gonna end it all - and don't do that, its :poo: - then you are probably gonna be alive for a long while yet and your kid will know what you do (especially in that small town.) It will give her an example of how to act when it all goes to hell and it might only be three years before she is fighting to see you anyway.

I've had this post sitting here since that */Giants game started wondering whether to delete it but i'm actually gonna press post now its over. I know its a while since you wrote that out but its been a while since I've been in here and I thought it deserved some sort of honest answer.
 

jimandphilbadge

All Australian
Oct 6, 2012
699
2,994
Purgatory
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Ogopogo Dragons
Hi all

Came in here a few months back getting a few things off my chest and just wanted to say thanks for the kind messages back then, things have for the most part got back on track for me. It was really appreciated at the time and with a bit of time and perspective very much appreciated now.

There is one thing I want to share. Today I had a good friend end our friendship. In recent times out friendship certainly has gotten messy and it's taken a toll on both of us. I'll be ok that it is done, and for a few reasons it's probably a positive as we were certainly not getting the best out of each other. I'm numb and hurting a bit, but know I'll be ok. I've got other mates and my family and they've all been fantastic. I fully accept that I've said and done things that have made it get to this point, and I owned them and apologised for them. Also concede that it doesn't make everything all better, but it's a start.

The thing from my perspective is that I want to share is that for anyone looking for help is that it's ok to get that help. Whatever form that help is, it's fine to ask, seek it, consider it or look at it. And it's ok for that help to be a continual work-in-progress. One of several things where our friendship hit a wall is that they're having a very rough time for a number of reasons and as much as I want to be there for them, I can't be all the time and honestly I know my actions are not helping with some of their behaviour patterns. I've suggested that they speak to someone which they threw back at me. During our final conversation I apologised for my actions and accepted the hurt I had caused them, but didn't apologise for suggesting they talk to someone and told them the reasons why is because I ******* care. I'm convinced they'll double down and resist it more, but I don't regret saying it.

As they left I asked them to please take care of them self. And meant it.

And if anyone clicking through these is in a dark place, take care of yourself. It's ok to speak up. And I mean it.
 

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