Resource Depression/Anxiety the silent killers - everyday is RUOK day. #SpeakUpStayChatTy

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7577969923

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 20, 2018
5,451
13,805
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Today I had no choice but larf, the Uni I work for has as some would know made some changes to their structure to accommodate Covid. So in their most provincial way they made two people redundant in the department where I work. Myself and my boss.

So they will pay out two and put on three, my role will now be divided between Metro & Regional. So two new staff will share what I did and both will be on more coin than I was on . L O ******* L.

My bosses role has been downgraded. But it will be retained.

This is 100% purely based on the events I've been through. Makes no sense and will cost them more. I'll get north of 140K in my pocket. So I'm not stressed, but do wonder whether this is another case of harassment? Do I push the envelope? Do I want another battle?

But what a couple of years this has been for me.
Speak to an employment lawyer just to get a view of where you stand and don't sign any release. It could be constructive dismissal. Based on the other posts I've read you may well be able to put another hefty chunk on that payout figure.
 

The acurate one

Premiership Player
Jan 23, 2019
4,693
19,834
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Speak to an employment lawyer just to get a view of where you stand and don't sign any release. It could be constructive dismissal. Based on the other posts I've read you may well be able to put another hefty chunk on that payout figure.
yeah I will do and thanks. I've at least another month of employment so I will invest that time wisely. I'm now working from home fulltime. The sun was lovely today, thoroughly enjoyed it. Funny thing I got asked to forecast the rest of 2021 budget. I told the dude he should check the ORG chart. Oh yes , don't worry about it .

The overlords feel it should be business as usual and that I should continue to strive for great things. And I'm WTF, you're kidding. The Ex Director rang me and told me about my options, my only comment was, "you took a huge sh*t on my chest, you wanna push this"?
 

rickety

Premium Gold
Nov 3, 2007
7,654
15,914
Postmans' Reef
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
swfc, carrum cowboys
yeah I will do and thanks. I've at least another month of employment so I will invest that time wisely. I'm now working from home fulltime. The sun was lovely today, thoroughly enjoyed it. Funny thing I got asked to forecast the rest of 2021 budget. I told the dude he should check the ORG chart. Oh yes , don't worry about it .

The overlords feel it should be business as usual and that I should continue to strive for great things. And I'm WTF, you're kidding. The Ex Director rang me and told me about my options, my only comment was, "you took a huge sh*t on my chest, you wanna push this"?
Bit of a bummer about having to work from home. I will always remember the imagined look of disgust when I rang in to chuck a sickie at a place I had been at for about 10 years, funny as. You have been robbed of that opportunity ..... I guess you could keep hitting snooze :-D
 

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Luke72

Premium Platinum
Aug 21, 2012
5,075
11,172
AFL Club
North Melbourne
It’s one year since I found out my abuser got arrested. Wow time goes so quick, many depressive episodes, anxiety, tears, but I feel like a better person all round.

it’s been hard, I want to thank you boomers for making me laugh ❤
I’m sorry to hear you were abused, but it sounds like the piece of sh*t got what was coming. The most important thing is you’re feeling better.
 

Ryz

Premium Platinum
Aug 26, 2002
17,339
20,433
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
MMA
It’s one year since I found out my abuser got arrested. Wow time goes so quick, many depressive episodes, anxiety, tears, but I feel like a better person all round.

it’s been hard, I want to thank you boomers for making me laugh ❤
You're a good egg Ligma and much stronger than you think. Keep up the good work mate.
 

Ligma

Dilf lover
Dec 15, 2020
5,301
9,050
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I just want to say a big thank you to all who have been inboxing me and replying here.

I’m hanging in there, feeling good, this week has been a bit hard with sudden passings of an auntie on dads side, my mums auntie getting surgery to remove cancer and the last ever court case from my SA being held on Thursday where he (the second guy) is pleading guilty.

been a bit stressed and anxious because I thought I had to write a victim impact statement again but thank god I don’t.

Thank you guys so much, couldn’t ask for a better group of people to be on here with.

Ligma
 
Last edited:

7577969923

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 20, 2018
5,451
13,805
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I just want to say a big thank you to all who have been inboxing me and replying here.

I’m hanging in there, feeling good, this week has been a bit hard with sudden passings of an auntie on dads side, my mums auntie getting surgery to remove cancer and the last ever court case from my SA being held on Thursday where he (the second guy) is pleading guilty.

been a bit stressed and anxious because I thought I had to write a victim impact statement again but thank god I don’t.

Thank you guys so much, couldn’t ask for a better group of people to be on here with.

Ligma
Great to hear you are coping.
 

Ligma

Dilf lover
Dec 15, 2020
5,301
9,050
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I just want to say a big thank you to all who have been inboxing me and replying here.

I’m hanging in there, feeling good, this week has been a bit hard with sudden passings of an auntie on dads side, my mums auntie getting surgery to remove cancer and the last ever court case from my SA being held on Thursday where he (the second guy) is pleading guilty.

been a bit stressed and anxious because I thought I had to write a victim impact statement again but thank god I don’t.

Thank you guys so much, couldn’t ask for a better group of people to be on here with.

Ligma
I’m gonna be a noob and quote my own post but an update.

court is pushed back because the magistrate got the victim wrong 😐 it was supposed to be me. What a great justice system we have!! Ffs victims have no hope.
 

Themanbun

Premiership Player
Apr 19, 2019
4,966
13,399
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I’m gonna be a noob and quote my own post but an update.

court is pushed back because the magistrate got the victim wrong 😐 it was supposed to be me. What a great justice system we have!! Ffs victims have no hope.
That sucks mate! Hope justice comes soon
 

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Lomas

Premium Platinum
Nov 4, 2020
2,480
5,908
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I’m gonna be a noob and quote my own post but an update.

court is pushed back because the magistrate got the victim wrong 😐 it was supposed to be me. What a great justice system we have!! Ffs victims have no hope.
So sorry this happened to you. There were articles today about an abuser that got off because he had suffered enough through the system, so they blocked an appeal. We need to be better.
 

HELLSBELLS

Club Legend
Jun 18, 2007
1,594
3,046
VIC
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Bayern Munich
Checked out of Bigfooty but never seen this thread and it may be the outlet i need.

Been a sh*t couple of years with not just covid but alot of things.

I don't usually speak up as i feel like others have it worse than me so i don't say anything as to not basically look like a sook.

I just flat out don't feel good enough. In almost anything i do.
Feel like an ordinary dad, ordinary at work, ordinary friend and the biggest one is feeling like Mrs Bells is way to good for me and wasting her time. I worry she's going to wake up and leave me constantly. She isn't the most affectionate person either so seems I'm the one always going for a hug and stuff and i feel like she wouldn't care if i wasn't here.
Couple all those things together with the stress of work and hoping other workers are doing the right things and not doing anything they shouldn't with Mrs Bells hours cut and just general covid bullshit its bloody tough.
Worst bit is nothing to look forward too and no outlet being stuck at home.
All i do is sit at home and overthink about how I'm not really good at anything no matter how hard i try. And i was a bad overthinker before i was handed all this extra time at home.


Like i said i don't have it as tough as others but that's what's happening with me and i cant shake it.

Thanks for reading. Feels good to put it out there to someone other than my brother who has basically saved me multiple times this year.
 

7577969923

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 20, 2018
5,451
13,805
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Checked out of Bigfooty but never seen this thread and it may be the outlet i need.

Been a sh*t couple of years with not just covid but alot of things.

I don't usually speak up as i feel like others have it worse than me so i don't say anything as to not basically look like a sook.

I just flat out don't feel good enough. In almost anything i do.
Feel like an ordinary dad, ordinary at work, ordinary friend and the biggest one is feeling like Mrs Bells is way to good for me and wasting her time. I worry she's going to wake up and leave me constantly. She isn't the most affectionate person either so seems I'm the one always going for a hug and stuff and i feel like she wouldn't care if i wasn't here.
Couple all those things together with the stress of work and hoping other workers are doing the right things and not doing anything they shouldn't with Mrs Bells hours cut and just general covid bullshit its bloody tough.
Worst bit is nothing to look forward too and no outlet being stuck at home.
All i do is sit at home and overthink about how I'm not really good at anything no matter how hard i try. And i was a bad overthinker before i was handed all this extra time at home.


Like i said i don't have it as tough as others but that's what's happening with me and i cant shake it.

Thanks for reading. Feels good to put it out there to someone other than my brother who has basically saved me multiple times this year.
Hey HELLSBELLS. Sounds like you are having a tough time and I can definitely relate to parts of what you are saying. I'm not an expert but what I can share is based on my own experiences over the past few months and those with my son over the past few years. It sounds like you need some help.

I recently started seeing a psychologist thinking I was okay and just needed to work through the impact of some pretty big life events/changes in the past few years. A real sign for me is that I had gone from sleeping 7 or 8 hours a night to maybe getting 3 or 4. When I sat in the chair and started talking it became clear that I had a bit to work through.

What I learnt from the process is that it is tough to get into to see someone at the moment. Therapists are in big demand. It really is worth persisting though. I would say start at your GP and have a discussion about how you're feeling and how it is impacting your life. It sounds to me like it wouldn't be unlikely that they would make a diagnosis of anxiety and possibly depression. A diagnosis is good because they will put you on a mental health treatment plan which unlocks a year's worth of therapy for you that is covered by Medicare. The GP will have a network of therapists they trust and can refer you to as well.

I know you feel like you don't have it as tough as others but it is tough for you, and if you don't look after yourself then none f those things you are worried about will get resolved.

My strong advice would be pick up the phone today and make that appointment with your GP.

Hope things get better for you soon.
 

Ligma

Dilf lover
Dec 15, 2020
5,301
9,050
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Checked out of Bigfooty but never seen this thread and it may be the outlet i need.

Been a sh*t couple of years with not just covid but alot of things.

I don't usually speak up as i feel like others have it worse than me so i don't say anything as to not basically look like a sook.

I just flat out don't feel good enough. In almost anything i do.
Feel like an ordinary dad, ordinary at work, ordinary friend and the biggest one is feeling like Mrs Bells is way to good for me and wasting her time. I worry she's going to wake up and leave me constantly. She isn't the most affectionate person either so seems I'm the one always going for a hug and stuff and i feel like she wouldn't care if i wasn't here.
Couple all those things together with the stress of work and hoping other workers are doing the right things and not doing anything they shouldn't with Mrs Bells hours cut and just general covid bullshit its bloody tough.
Worst bit is nothing to look forward too and no outlet being stuck at home.
All i do is sit at home and overthink about how I'm not really good at anything no matter how hard i try. And i was a bad overthinker before i was handed all this extra time at home.


Like i said i don't have it as tough as others but that's what's happening with me and i cant shake it.

Thanks for reading. Feels good to put it out there to someone other than my brother who has basically saved me multiple times this year.
Hey, you’re not a sook to speak up its a very brave thing and I’m proud that you have chosen to speak out about it. It’s hard but it’s good.

you are good enough❤ Learn to love yourself because we are all unique, you may feel that you’re ordinary but you’re kids think you're the best dad in the world. (I’m really bad at giving advice) but embrace your imperfections, tell yourself “I am good enough”.


I think that website could help 💕 you can always message me anytime if you need to talk
 

HELLSBELLS

Club Legend
Jun 18, 2007
1,594
3,046
VIC
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Bayern Munich
Hey HELLSBELLS. Sounds like you are having a tough time and I can definitely relate to parts of what you are saying. I'm not an expert but what I can share is based on my own experiences over the past few months and those with my son over the past few years. It sounds like you need some help.

I recently started seeing a psychologist thinking I was okay and just needed to work through the impact of some pretty big life events/changes in the past few years. A real sign for me is that I had gone from sleeping 7 or 8 hours a night to maybe getting 3 or 4. When I sat in the chair and started talking it became clear that I had a bit to work through.

What I learnt from the process is that it is tough to get into to see someone at the moment. Therapists are in big demand. It really is worth persisting though. I would say start at your GP and have a discussion about how you're feeling and how it is impacting your life. It sounds to me like it wouldn't be unlikely that they would make a diagnosis of anxiety and possibly depression. A diagnosis is good because they will put you on a mental health treatment plan which unlocks a year's worth of therapy for you that is covered by Medicare. The GP will have a network of therapists they trust and can refer you to as well.

I know you feel like you don't have it as tough as others but it is tough for you, and if you don't look after yourself then none f those things you are worried about will get resolved.

My strong advice would be pick up the phone today and make that appointment with your GP.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Thanks for that. I think i have to definitely do something. It doesn't seem to go away even when i think it has its still there waiting for a spark to turn it into a fire. The hardest part is being told you're loved and not believing it. Sounds so stupid but when I'm told i don't believe it because i don't know how anyone could.

Thanks
 

HELLSBELLS

Club Legend
Jun 18, 2007
1,594
3,046
VIC
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Bayern Munich
Hey, you’re not a sook to speak up its a very brave thing and I’m proud that you have chosen to speak out about it. It’s hard but it’s good.

you are good enough❤ Learn to love yourself because we are all unique, you may feel that you’re ordinary but you’re kids think you're the best dad in the world. (I’m really bad at giving advice) but embrace your imperfections, tell yourself “I am good enough”.


I think that website could help 💕 you can always message me anytime if you need to talk

Thanks so much. You're advice isn't bad i will have a read of this for sure and thanks for the offer to message. Same to you.

Hope you are also doing ok and i wish you all the best :)
 

7577969923

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 20, 2018
5,451
13,805
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Thanks for that. I think i have to definitely do something. It doesn't seem to go away even when i think it has its still there waiting for a spark to turn it into a fire. The hardest part is being told you're loved and not believing it. Sounds so stupid but when I'm told i don't believe it because i don't know how anyone could.

Thanks
It doesn't sound stupid at all. You're not the only one going through these challenges and there are lots of people to support you. Even if you think it is not that bad at the moment still go and start the process of getting help now. It is harder to make that step when you are feeling really sh*t.
 

Hojuman

조수미 사랑해요
May 20, 2012
15,583
43,896
Seoul
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Thanks for that. I think i have to definitely do something. It doesn't seem to go away even when i think it has its still there waiting for a spark to turn it into a fire. The hardest part is being told you're loved and not believing it. Sounds so stupid but when I'm told i don't believe it because i don't know how anyone could.

Thanks

Hell's, when people see you hurting and struggling and tell you that pretty sure they mean it. Thank them and maybe ask them why they said it and you'll find the little things you do and give no second thought too are the things that they appreciate / love the most.
 

HELLSBELLS

Club Legend
Jun 18, 2007
1,594
3,046
VIC
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Bayern Munich
Hell's, when people see you hurting and struggling and tell you that pretty sure they mean it. Thank them and maybe ask them why they said it and you'll find the little things you do and give no second thought too are the things that they appreciate / love the most.

Thanks Hojuman, I will do that. Its a really awful spot to be in. You hear them say it, you do feel it, but the little voice in your head tells you it can be true because you see no value in yourself so how could anyone else. But i will do what you said. Will try anything atm.
 

LuvtheKangas

Premium Platinum
Mar 11, 2006
20,096
47,677
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Checked out of Bigfooty but never seen this thread and it may be the outlet i need.

Been a sh*t couple of years with not just covid but alot of things.

I don't usually speak up as i feel like others have it worse than me so i don't say anything as to not basically look like a sook.

I just flat out don't feel good enough. In almost anything i do.
Feel like an ordinary dad, ordinary at work, ordinary friend and the biggest one is feeling like Mrs Bells is way to good for me and wasting her time. I worry she's going to wake up and leave me constantly. She isn't the most affectionate person either so seems I'm the one always going for a hug and stuff and i feel like she wouldn't care if i wasn't here.
Couple all those things together with the stress of work and hoping other workers are doing the right things and not doing anything they shouldn't with Mrs Bells hours cut and just general covid bullshit its bloody tough.
Worst bit is nothing to look forward too and no outlet being stuck at home.
All i do is sit at home and overthink about how I'm not really good at anything no matter how hard i try. And i was a bad overthinker before i was handed all this extra time at home.


Like i said i don't have it as tough as others but that's what's happening with me and i cant shake it.

Thanks for reading. Feels good to put it out there to someone other than my brother who has basically saved me multiple times this year.
Chin up, mate, you're a legend on this board and you are good enough.

Some good advice from others here, seems like it would be a good move to take some on board just to get you back in the right headspace.
 

rickety

Premium Gold
Nov 3, 2007
7,654
15,914
Postmans' Reef
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
swfc, carrum cowboys
Checked out of Bigfooty but never seen this thread and it may be the outlet i need.

Been a sh*t couple of years with not just covid but alot of things.

I don't usually speak up as i feel like others have it worse than me so i don't say anything as to not basically look like a sook.

I just flat out don't feel good enough. In almost anything i do.
Feel like an ordinary dad, ordinary at work, ordinary friend and the biggest one is feeling like Mrs Bells is way to good for me and wasting her time. I worry she's going to wake up and leave me constantly. She isn't the most affectionate person either so seems I'm the one always going for a hug and stuff and i feel like she wouldn't care if i wasn't here.
Couple all those things together with the stress of work and hoping other workers are doing the right things and not doing anything they shouldn't with Mrs Bells hours cut and just general covid bullshit its bloody tough.
Worst bit is nothing to look forward too and no outlet being stuck at home.
All i do is sit at home and overthink about how I'm not really good at anything no matter how hard i try. And i was a bad overthinker before i was handed all this extra time at home.


Like i said i don't have it as tough as others but that's what's happening with me and i cant shake it.

Thanks for reading. Feels good to put it out there to someone other than my brother who has basically saved me multiple times this year.
Mate, I'll bet my bottom dollar your kids don't think your "ordinary". Give them a hug, tell them you love them and I bet they push away and laugh, call you a donut or something. Make it fun, silly fun, barriers melt, smiles come back.
 

Ryz

Premium Platinum
Aug 26, 2002
17,339
20,433
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
MMA
HELLSBELLS you're a ripping bloke mate.

Went through a similar line of thought as a you a few years ago. It's tough that sometimes we're our own worst enemy.

From my own experience, went and saw a psychologist and really glad I did. Opened my mind up to new ways of dealing with stuff and I'm in a much better place now.

You'll get there mate. :thumbsu:
 

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