AdmiralBenson
All Australian
- May 21, 2019
- 660
- 1,122
- AFL Club
- North Melbourne
- Banned
- #351
Right. Where to start. Life was great, 37, good job, fit, amazing daughter, lots of partner opportunities, ok house i own down here in sleepy Hobart.
Well then it suddenly changed.
I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.
So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.
Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.
I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.
Well........
Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.
Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.
Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.
I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.
Reality scares the complete s**t out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)
I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.
So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)
I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.
So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.
I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.
So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is s**t constantly.
I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).
Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.
Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)
So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.
I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....
I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely shithouse, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?
Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.
But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.
I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.
Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.
I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.
Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.
Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.
Cheers.
Admiral.
Well then it suddenly changed.
I have since lost complete sole custody to me daughter due to my ex-wife making sexual (completely unsubstantiated) claims, nothing like molestation etc, but i let her watch my new partner and I have sex let her watch adult movies, liked her to massage my backside etc etc etc (complete nonsense) amongst an Affadavit she has been (conveniently) developing for 8 years - yet i had my daughter near 50/50 most of the time and never had one discussion about concerns and we both lived seperate lives, only contact about Livi and pick up times etc.
So I spent many thousands fighting this in Court over 13 months.
Result? No evidence to prove anything happened, but I'm a "serious risk" to my daughter as my ex recently married a millionaire (41yo no kids) and Court thought no reason to "believe untrue" due to allegations made by "well respected" people and my daughterbeing an advanced child. "Child's safety comes first" - ahhh, yep.
I'm a qualified Lawyer myself (nothing amazing, just a Gov't hack now) but I'm not a comple **** up jailbird) but apparently that doesn't count in reverse, especially with Zero criminal or children harm issues in relationshipsprior and since my ex-wife. Insane how the Family Court thinks.
Well........
Since then my life has plummeted basically. Was doing a 750ml Vodka bottle plus beers a night, or about 18 beers and a few wines a nights, most nights for a few months after work earlier this year just to cope mentally.
Apparently that level was very dangerous (could die) but i wasn't thinking really that way.
Great idea at time, obviously no. Understandable? Depends who I've spoken to psychologically.
I've never thought of self harm etc, but apparently suicide/violent behaviour happens regularly when in my position, so i just much prefer being off the show than accepting reality and probably miserable anyway, albeit enjoying life (comparitively) until then it all turns bad instead.
Reality scares the complete s**t out of me. The anxiety is barely tolerable - my work standard remains but i need regular time hiding in rooms to get back in shape (only if not looking forward to a beer, dog walk and car polish etc and vodka hits later)
I'm much more likely to do something stupid when sober, than having a (massively) over relaxing time. I'm a happy drinker too (even if small or blasting it), not an angry type. Never had a fight or drink driving etc etc.
So anyway i decided to sober up a month ago. Did that OK, sure a few withdrawals and seizures etc - Dr reckons it's because I'm still young enough (38), in decent shape and don't smoke or done any other drugs (i don't even drink coffee or caffeine, rarely eat sugar)
I proved i could do it and my Dr was impressed - but i said it's so damn boring and life ruined anyway, so again, so what? I just told him I've proven i can and far unhappier than before. He couldn't really answer than just sympathize. I completely understood as he is a top bloke.
So did that sobriety in any way chang what my Ex and Court did by destroying me? No. Possibility of a future with my (awesome, high achieving, leadership group) 11yo daughter is extremely minimal - due to Court decision manipulation with new Dad, go around the world all the time etc.
I have never been overseas, I'm a basic guy who loves dogs, cars and movies.
So I'm not entirely sure what being sober now even achieves, other than feeling miserable and life is s**t constantly.
I simply want my old life back (i don't think about this when drinking. Just buy on EBay, do jobs etc.....when sober it's all i think about) I worked 15 years for it - 6years Uni, Cute Girl then wife, Dog, Marriage, House etc. All gone outside my Ruby my Ridgeback who has passed away. (my ExWife wanted my best friend put down too upon seperation - just to hurt me).
Now there seems no escape. I've neven enjoyed drinking just in itself (i used to be very fit etc, just party on weekends) - i just can't accept reality unless very busy (work), so getting smashed of a night like a Uni night fixes that immediately - rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Life is ok.
Interesting that other than my parents and Drs, no one would notice other than slight weight gain (i can easily laught that off to those....too many big weekends! Just enjoying life a bit too much etc etc)
So I'm pretty stuffed really. I've tried exercise, hobbies etc but they don't interest me anymore. Cleaning a car i used to love.....but now it's like, it's a car, my daughter is gone so i just don't bother.
I actually don't care on massive health risks either, as my Greyhounds will be gone and daughter already gone. So?.....
I get 5 times more done pretending life isn't real and gloss over, walk my dogs, wash my car, follow the Mighty Roos, than being sober and life is completely shithouse, stare around like yeah I'm clean, well done me but i can't be bothered doing anything as what's the point?
Anyway, please don't suggest support etc as i have it and I'm smart enough to know that my choices aren't ideal.
But since what's happened what's happened, it proved me entirely naive to what drives people to extremely bad positions, as i had a priveleged and lucky upbringing.
I'm now accutely aware and it's absolutely shattering.
Thanks for reading and sorry for boring you. I won't continue, it's more a one hit to contribute so not to drag the thread down for others.
I know I'm ****ed completely, short and long term, but North is a great family, as are my own family, so look after yourselves your lives when you can people.
Life can change very quickly, and certainly in a very obliterating way so enjoy what to have.
Certainly don't take life for granted. It can swept away in a flash, even by those you trust and have treated well, as I'm sure smarter than me already understand.
Cheers.
Admiral.
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