Resource Depression/Anxiety the silent killers - everyday is RUOK day. #SpeakUpStayChatTy

7577969923

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 20, 2018
6,176
16,379
AFL Club
North Melbourne
My grandfather passed this morning. Pretty torn up about it. Strange to think I wouldn't be posting and reading everyone's ramblings on here if not for him. Played a handful of games for the club and always, always spoke glowingly of Wally Carter, particularly in his later years as dementia took hold. Dementia, as you all know, is a cruel cruel bastard.

Rest in peace John.

Really sorry for your loss. Dementia is nothing but ******* awful.
 

darko

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 28, 2016
10,593
16,717
AFL Club
North Melbourne
My grandfather passed this morning. Pretty torn up about it. Strange to think I wouldn't be posting and reading everyone's ramblings on here if not for him. Played a handful of games for the club and always, always spoke glowingly of Wally Carter, particularly in his later years as dementia took hold. Dementia, as you all know, is a cruel cruel bastard.

Rest in peace John.

Sorry to hear mate. My deepest condolences.
 
Mar 16, 2001
23,964
55,788
Melbourne VIC
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Other Teams
Wales, Eastwood, West Ham
My grandfather passed this morning. Pretty torn up about it. Strange to think I wouldn't be posting and reading everyone's ramblings on here if not for him. Played a handful of games for the club and always, always spoke glowingly of Wally Carter, particularly in his later years as dementia took hold. Dementia, as you all know, is a cruel cruel bastard.

Rest in peace John.
Just saw this and wanted to say I’m sorry. Dementia is bloody hard to watch but it’s kind of amazing that for your grandfather these achievements of his youth stayed so fresh in his mind.
 
Idk if it’s worth posting it here but I just can’t shake it.

so my family is considered the ‘normal’ family on my mums side. My family picked my mums auntie out of hospital as she got discharged and dropped her to her little flat. They live in a little residential area in Frankston for war vets and we travel from Epping so a far drive. Anyways so it was just us them and my mums cousin I haven’t seen in zonks who had been cleaning up for her mum. Time goes by having a good old laugh and then a fight breaks out between my mums uncle and his daughter (mums cousin) but it wasn’t any normal fight it was fking scary it was out of view but you could hear s**t being hit. I just can’t shake it.
 
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Dec 27, 2017
24,207
53,334
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Checked out of Bigfooty but never seen this thread and it may be the outlet i need.

Been a sh*t couple of years with not just covid but alot of things.

I don't usually speak up as i feel like others have it worse than me so i don't say anything as to not basically look like a sook.

I just flat out don't feel good enough. In almost anything i do.
Feel like an ordinary dad, ordinary at work, ordinary friend and the biggest one is feeling like Mrs Bells is way to good for me and wasting her time. I worry she's going to wake up and leave me constantly. She isn't the most affectionate person either so seems I'm the one always going for a hug and stuff and i feel like she wouldn't care if i wasn't here.
Couple all those things together with the stress of work and hoping other workers are doing the right things and not doing anything they shouldn't with Mrs Bells hours cut and just general covid bullshit its bloody tough.
Worst bit is nothing to look forward too and no outlet being stuck at home.
All i do is sit at home and overthink about how I'm not really good at anything no matter how hard i try. And i was a bad overthinker before i was handed all this extra time at home.


Like i said i don't have it as tough as others but that's what's happening with me and i cant shake it.

Thanks for reading. Feels good to put it out there to someone other than my brother who has basically saved me multiple times this year.

Hey Hells, I sort of felt the same about myself “never spoke up because people havre it worse”… truth is it doesn’t really matter that people have it worse because we can only experience our own existence so it doesn’t really matter if people have it better or worse.

That was one of the things that I learned while I was in the psych ward, often people will try to invalidate their own feelings by comparing themselves to someone who, yes does does have it bad, refugees, cancer patients, amputees, the list goes on and on but it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t feel good about yourself, or that you’re not good enough etc…Just telling yourself hey at least I’m not blind, what do I have to complain about doesn’t change the way you feel. Sometimes life’s just rough for no reason apparently.

I know its been a while since you posted this so I hope you’re doing better, and you might already be seeing someone, but in case you’re feeling well but haven’t seen a psychologist I think it’s worth while. The government picks up most of the bill so you have nothing to lose.

All the best mate
 

7577969923

Norm Smith Medallist
Sep 20, 2018
6,176
16,379
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Hey Hells, I sort of felt the same about myself “never spoke up because people havre it worse”… truth is it doesn’t really matter that people have it worse because we can only experience our own existence so it doesn’t really matter if people have it better or worse.

That was one of the things that I learned while I was in the psych ward, often people will try to invalidate their own feelings by comparing themselves to someone who, yes does does have it bad, refugees, cancer patients, amputees, the list goes on and on but it doesn’t change the fact that you don’t feel good about yourself, or that you’re not good enough etc…Just telling yourself hey at least I’m not blind, what do I have to complain about doesn’t change the way you feel. Sometimes life’s just rough for no reason apparently.

I know its been a while since you posted this so I hope you’re doing better, and you might already be seeing someone, but in case you’re feeling well but haven’t seen a psychologist I think it’s worth while. The government picks up most of the bill so you have nothing to lose.

All the best mate

Nice words Val.
 

darko

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 28, 2016
10,593
16,717
AFL Club
North Melbourne
So finally got some great news. 14 months ago I was diagnosed with stage 2b (didn't know there were two stages 2s but whatever) cancer and after a surgery, followed by 3 months of chemo (which was a ******* nightmare), followed by another much riskier surgery, I was given clean bill of health. Now I have a nervous 3 month wait to make sure that is the case. There's a mass still there but they believe it isn't cancerous which would be confirmed by scans in 3 months time. Will be regularly monitored for up to 7 years.
 
So finally got some great news. 14 months ago I was diagnosed with stage 2b (didn't know there were two stages 2s but whatever) cancer and after a surgery, followed by 3 months of chemo (which was a ******* nightmare), followed by another much riskier surgery, I was given clean bill of health. Now I have a nervous 3 month wait to make sure that is the case. There's a mass still there but they believe it isn't cancerous which would be confirmed by scans in 3 months time. Will be regularly monitored for up to 7 years.
Fingers crossed hope u are okay
 
So finally got some great news. 14 months ago I was diagnosed with stage 2b (didn't know there were two stages 2s but whatever) cancer and after a surgery, followed by 3 months of chemo (which was a ******* nightmare), followed by another much riskier surgery, I was given clean bill of health. Now I have a nervous 3 month wait to make sure that is the case. There's a mass still there but they believe it isn't cancerous which would be confirmed by scans in 3 months time. Will be regularly monitored for up to 7 years.
Geebus that must’ve been a nightmare. I hope that it all goes as good as possible from here.
 
Jul 27, 2006
5,527
10,520
adelaide
AFL Club
North Melbourne
I’ve just walked away from my 4 year marriage and 10 year relationship.

hardest thing I’ve ever had to do - feel like I’ve let my three year old little man down but I can’t continue anymore

my wife has suffered from a combination of anxiety depression and post natal for the last 5 years and it’s just consumed me and spat me out the other side. I’ve been patientand the most helpful husband but it’s destroyed me now to the point I am suffering mentally

such a difficult day
 
I’ve just walked away from my 4 year marriage and 10 year relationship.

hardest thing I’ve ever had to do - feel like I’ve let my three year old little man down but I can’t continue anymore

my wife has suffered from a combination of anxiety depression and post natal for the last 5 years and it’s just consumed me and spat me out the other side. I’ve been patientand the most helpful husband but it’s destroyed me now to the point I am suffering mentally

such a difficult day
Not sure what to say as I am not in your shoes and I am not married.

Feel free to ignore, but...

I get the guilt side of it and it will take time to process everything, but the best thing for you and your young man is a fit and happy father. You obviously felt you could never be that type of father dealing with some real serious problems with your now ex.

If you need to vent or chat random garbage, always happy to take a PM.
 
I’ve just walked away from my 4 year marriage and 10 year relationship.

hardest thing I’ve ever had to do - feel like I’ve let my three year old little man down but I can’t continue anymore

my wife has suffered from a combination of anxiety depression and post natal for the last 5 years and it’s just consumed me and spat me out the other side. I’ve been patientand the most helpful husband but it’s destroyed me now to the point I am suffering mentally

such a difficult day
I work with a guy in a similar situation who hasn’t left yet and I’m not sure how he does it. I suspect you have made the best decision. As K4E said the best thing you can do for your little man is be healthy and happy.
 
Jul 27, 2006
5,527
10,520
adelaide
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Thanks guys I’ve had a few days clarity and space to think about things now, thanks to the guys here who shot a pm and showed more care than I ever would have expected.

I’m not stoked with the way it transpired, I’d had a skinful and left very promptly without seeing my son. I’m yet to see him since Friday which is hard, but he’s gone up to my exes mums place to just be safe and out of the firing line - he’s three and there are some pretty big emotions getting around right now so probably not the worst thing for him to spend some time up there.

I was pretty emotional last night and I’ve realised today a lot of that was in relation to him and missing him, yet I feel nothing for my ex and I’m feeling a level of relief I havent felt in a while.

still a long way to go but I’ve seen a little bit of light today. I’mmeeting with the lady who had been giving us marriage counselling tomorrow so hopefully that’s another step in a positive direction
 
Pales in comparison to most things in the thread, but just got a message that my 20 year old cat is being put down in an hour.

This one really hurts.

Went through it myself a couple of years ago mate (same aged cat). I empathise greatly.
 
I went through a bit of a dark period a few months ago after submitting my PhD. I had a bit of 'Post-PhD blues' as I felt like where to from here after four years and no job to go to. A lot of angry self-loathing about past decisions was involved.

A few months have passed, and I have finally secured a paid internship position for next year that finally gets my foot in the door after all these long years of studying. The marking/corrections process is also nearly its final completion. Feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

If I had any advice to give, it is don't pour all your efforts and hopes into one basket in case and then crack the 'shits' if it doesn't work out. Some things are more important, like family and your own happiness, and you've got to find a way to balance it in a healthy manner.
 
It may be a strange question, but what do we all think about respect? I have come across a few situations lately where people say that respect is earnt, but I have always thought of it as a starting point. We treat people with respect, if it is lost they earn it back.
I think that any situation where we start with a lack of respect is a tad sad.
 

Themanbun

Brownlow Medallist
Apr 19, 2019
10,033
30,800
AFL Club
North Melbourne
It may be a strange question, but what do we all think about respect? I have come across a few situations lately where people say that respect is earnt, but I have always thought of it as a starting point. We treat people with respect, if it is lost they earn it back.
I think that any situation where we start with a lack of respect is a tad sad.

Agreed 100 per cent.
 

Shinboner1

Norm Smith Medallist
Aug 13, 2020
8,898
16,802
AFL Club
North Melbourne
Going to be my hardest week in a long time.
Don't know if I'll be able to do it.
My self sabotaging behaviour has led to a lot of my uni work being due at the same time and I've got a deadline I cant miss.
The stress is killer.
Sorry I just needed to vent.
 
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Going to be my hardest week in a long time.
Don't know if I'll be able to do it.
My self sabotaging behaviour has led to a lot of my uni work being due at the same time and I've got a deadline I cant miss.
The stress is killer.
Sorry I just needed to vent.

Hang in there mate. You can only do what you can do.

No need to be sorry either, thats what we're all here for. We've got your back. 👊
 
Going to be my hardest week in a long time.
Don't know if I'll be able to do it.
My self sabotaging behaviour has led to a lot of my uni work being due at the same time and I've got a deadline I cant miss.
The stress is killer.
Sorry I just needed to vent.
I used to find that if I went for a walk in the park as a study break it helped relax me.
Speak to your uni lecturers if you are really struggling, they are generally pretty helpful if you let them know what’s going on. Best of luck with finishing off the work 👍
 
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