Health Depression

MannumPower

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Dec 15, 2006
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I love the concept of RUOK day but for someone like me who has distanced himself from most friends he’s ever made the day is insignificant. Looking through my phone I haven’t received a text or call from a friend in over 6 months , my own fault for just staying away from everyone for so long That most people just gave up on my friendship. I’ve had the worst 12 months of my life and only my wife knows as she’s the one who saved me from making a horrible mistake. I’m in a much better place now thankfully , but days like today make me realise how lonely I am.
 

Rich the babe Evans

Team Captain
Dec 30, 2018
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I love the concept of RUOK day but for someone like me who has distanced himself from most friends he’s ever made the day is insignificant.
I agree the concept is great, but I don't think it's meant for poor lonely suckers like us. I just can't contemplate telling a friend what I'm going through, but I guess I don't have any friends... So maybe that's why.
 
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MannumPower

Brownlow Medallist
Dec 15, 2006
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I agree the concept is great, but I don't think it's meant for poor lonely suckers like us. I just can't contemplate telling a friend what I'm going through, but I guess I don't have any friends... So maybe that's why.
Yeah I think all my friends are just aquaintences now. And if people did ask if I was ok I’d probably say I was. I have however found this forum and beyond blues forum a good way of getting things off my chest.
 

Run n Spread

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 2, 2013
9,039
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I love the concept of RUOK day but for someone like me who has distanced himself from most friends he’s ever made the day is insignificant. Looking through my phone I haven’t received a text or call from a friend in over 6 months , my own fault for just staying away from everyone for so long That most people just gave up on my friendship. I’ve had the worst 12 months of my life and only my wife knows as she’s the one who saved me from making a horrible mistake. I’m in a much better place now thankfully , but days like today make me realise how lonely I am.
I'm a bit the same and I have distanced and find it hard to pick up the thread.

And I get it r u ok is a bit tokenistic as is you say r u OK? No? Then What?

I suppose it's more about trying to promote mental health and helping people who need it rather than the harden up of the old days. Not a bad thing.

We all have days where you realise how vulnerable you can be. I've had a few and done a few stupid things lately. And not all my current circumstances are great but you push on as best you can.
 

MannumPower

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Dec 15, 2006
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So after posting how little people keep in contact with me now , I see on Facebook today the best man from my wedding and three good school mates all having a boys weekend away. Five odd years ago I would have been included, now nothing not sure if it’s my fault, theirs or both, feel a bit numb about it. Only 6 months ago I saw my best man who was struggling and I reached out to him but nothing since.... part of me wants to comment on the post and go wtf where’s my invite but then I think would I have gone anyway as I get so much anxiety going out which is why they don’t bother me anymore. Depression ******* sucks
 

Genghis Tron

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So after posting how little people keep in contact with me now , I see on Facebook today the best man from my wedding and three good school mates all having a boys weekend away. Five odd years ago I would have been included, now nothing not sure if it’s my fault, theirs or both, feel a bit numb about it. Only 6 months ago I saw my best man who was struggling and I reached out to him but nothing since.... part of me wants to comment on the post and go wtf where’s my invite but then I think would I have gone anyway as I get so much anxiety going out which is why they don’t bother me anymore. Depression ******* sucks
I know exactly how you feel mate, but I do think it's important to remember that it can be incredibly tough maintaining a relationship with someone who is suffering. They are only human and we can sometimes give the vibe that we'd rather not be included. Not saying you are, but I've seen others harbour resentment against others in these situations and it only helps further that distance that we can often feel between us and those around us.

I don't think it's any one person's fault in these situations. It's more of a symptom of the lack of understanding around it all. While I don't think it's any one person's fault, sometimes reaching out and apologising for any distant behaviour/thanking people for being there when they were can go a long way to creating a level of understanding between friends.

But I'm sorry to hear that mate, it's always f’ed up when friendships start being tested by mental bullshit. The only thing we can do is try and step back and view it without the blinders of personal ties and try and find a place we can begin to repair.
 

MannumPower

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Dec 15, 2006
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I know exactly how you feel mate, but I do think it's important to remember that it can be incredibly tough maintaining a relationship with someone who is suffering. They are only human and we can sometimes give the vibe that we'd rather not be included. Not saying you are, but I've seen others harbour resentment against others in these situations and it only helps further that distance that we can often feel between us and those around us.

I don't think it's any one person's fault in these situations. It's more of a symptom of the lack of understanding around it all. While I don't think it's any one person's fault, sometimes reaching out and apologising for any distant behaviour/thanking people for being there when they were can go a long way to creating a level of understanding between friends.

But I'm sorry to hear that mate, it's always f’ed up when friendships start being tested by mental bullshit. The only thing we can do is try and step back and view it without the blinders of personal ties and try and find a place we can begin to repair.
Oh I’ve definitely caused the breakdown, guess that’s what makes it worse, I self sabotage so much good stuff in my life it’s become a damn habit. Then I sit and dwell on things and the self talk in the head and so on ...sigh. This is what people don’t get , they see a guy working his dream job, 3 great kids, awesome supportive wife , dream house and property, financially secure but inside I’m broken into so many pieces and I feel darkness around me all the time. We push people away but in fact we want them more in our lives ... I get so tired of these battles
 

Genghis Tron

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Oh I’ve definitely caused the breakdown, guess that’s what makes it worse, I self sabotage so much good stuff in my life it’s become a damn habit. Then I sit and dwell on things and the self talk in the head and so on ...sigh. This is what people don’t get , they see a guy working his dream job, 3 great kids, awesome supportive wife , dream house and property, financially secure but inside I’m broken into so many pieces and I feel darkness around me all the time. We push people away but in fact we want them more in our lives ... I get so tired of these battles
I wish there was something I could say that would offer some comfort but we both know no such magical combination of words exist. Stay strong mate, you've made it this far and by the sounds of it you've had a few wins along the way.
 

Macpotata

Norm Smith Medallist
Mar 22, 2017
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Oh I’ve definitely caused the breakdown, guess that’s what makes it worse, I self sabotage so much good stuff in my life it’s become a damn habit. Then I sit and dwell on things and the self talk in the head and so on ...sigh. This is what people don’t get , they see a guy working his dream job, 3 great kids, awesome supportive wife , dream house and property, financially secure but inside I’m broken into so many pieces and I feel darkness around me all the time. We push people away but in fact we want them more in our lives ... I get so tired of these battles
hey mate ill post more in depth at a later date. For now though try these things consistently


get a lot of fresh air and sunshine
meditate
cut down on caffeine and none after 11 am
regular exercise
massage
no phone's or emails a fair while before bed time
regular sleep pattern



The key is to get yourself grounded and get yourself out of your head. Speak soon pal, all the best.
 

MannumPower

Brownlow Medallist
Dec 15, 2006
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hey mate ill post more in depth at a later date. For now though try these things consistently


get a lot of fresh air and sunshine
meditate
cut down on caffeine and none after 11 am
regular exercise
massage
no phone's or emails a fair while before bed time
regular sleep pattern



The key is to get yourself grounded and get yourself out of your head. Speak soon pal, all the best.
You nailed it at the end there about getting yourself out of your head. The be done the mind power course which helped immensely but line the roller coaster of life that we’re on sometimes the ride isn’t that enjoyable. I think just posting on here is really valuable for me as it’s a bit of a journal, it’s non judgemental and allows me to just get stuff off my mind.
 

Metalcrusher

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Jan 22, 2015
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You nailed it at the end there about getting yourself out of your head. The be done the mind power course which helped immensely but line the roller coaster of life that we’re on sometimes the ride isn’t that enjoyable. I think just posting on here is really valuable for me as it’s a bit of a journal, it’s non judgemental and allows me to just get stuff off my mind.
Good onya mate!
 

craigos

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Sep 2, 2014
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So after posting how little people keep in contact with me now , I see on Facebook today the best man from my wedding and three good school mates all having a boys weekend away. Five odd years ago I would have been included, now nothing not sure if it’s my fault, theirs or both, feel a bit numb about it. Only 6 months ago I saw my best man who was struggling and I reached out to him but nothing since.... part of me wants to comment on the post and go wtf where’s my invite but then I think would I have gone anyway as I get so much anxiety going out which is why they don’t bother me anymore. Depression ******* sucks
I realise this is of little to no use now but for the future, why not just throw out a:
"looks awesome lads, hope you're having a great weekend"

and if you're legitimately keen to socialise with them again put in:
"hit me up next time you got something planned, been far too long!"

and leave it at that. I have a mate that we (use to) invite everywhere and he would inevitably never show up, be it weddings, birthdays or whatever. Would only ever be keen to do something that was within his little bubble. Which is fine, no issue, but then he would get shitty when he wasn't invited to other things any more.

If they are your true mates then they wont have an issue with you reaching out and saying "I've been struggling a bit lately......." and everything else is water under the bridge. It's so easy to overthink things but you have to be honest with your friends and yourself, if you're never going to be able to go away for a weekend then let them know that. If you only want to catch up in your area, close to home, then that's cool.

Might not be what you want to hear but a lot of the time the onus is on the person sitting on the sidelines to inject themselves into the game.

Good luck bro, stay strong.
 

Genghis Tron

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Also does anyone find themselves irrationally 'annoyed' for lack of a better word, when they see people on TV/papers talking very openly and publicly about their struggles?

Don't get me wrong, I know it's a shitty thing to feel and I would never voice these thoughts to anyone, I just can't help irrationally and unfairly thinking "if you were suffering there's no way you'd be this open". I fully understand that's a really self centred view to have cross your mind.

Posting on an anonymous forum is one thing (still getting comfortable with it) but I cannot imagine the horror I would feel if my issues were made known to the public. I don't know how I'd look people in the eye anymore.

Not because I'm embarrassed or anything like that, I would just feel like a pity party. I'd feel like everyone was walking on eggshells around me.

It was bad enough when I saw a poster pop up in here that I am friendly with. I went back and deleted a long whingy post about being a sadsack blah blah blah because I thought if they saw that they'd treat me different. And I just want to feel normal and part of group without being thought as as the broken one.

Of course this is all 3 days no sleep, stream of consciousness type post, but the question at the top of this post still stands, I'm really interested if others have ever felt that way.
 

Cuzz09

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Sep 21, 2004
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Yeah a lot of the time I think these are attention seeking coming on tv or social media when they could be quiet but everyone acts differently to things.

I Wouldn't put it past them but would say the big stars have managers talking to them saying they can twist it into a "against all odds" type story to sell more of their product.



On SM-G925I using BigFooty.com mobile app
 

RobbieGray17

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 19, 2007
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adelaide
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hey mate ill post more in depth at a later date. For now though try these things consistently


get a lot of fresh air and sunshine
meditate
cut down on caffeine and none after 11 am
regular exercise
massage
no phone's or emails a fair while before bed time
regular sleep pattern



The key is to get yourself grounded and get yourself out of your head. Speak soon pal, all the best.
I'm glad Covid has been in the news constantly because I'm so siick of it I don't ev en bother looking at the news anymore. I reckon the news is getting worse to the point where there are really sad and depressing stories on a daily basis that frankly one could do without.

2 weeks logged out of Facebook and I don't miss it and doubt anyone misses me (Reality). I think Facebook is a trap when we're struggling because we get a boost when we post something and get a response.

I think I'm going to start meditating again and start going on some nice walks and hikes on my days off. It could bring about some new ideas. Good advice Macpotata

For a long time I was opposed to the roster I'm doing at work but surprisingly I'm doing better avoiding afternoon shift all together. I do days and nights and just that small change has had a massive change in my mood and energy. Can definitely agree with a routine sleep wise as best as you can.

With meditation do you ever do a nature or urban type meditation where you immerse yourself in the environment? I've had some success with this as opposed to the regular mediation.
 

RobbieGray17

Brownlow Medallist
Sep 19, 2007
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adelaide
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So after posting how little people keep in contact with me now , I see on Facebook today the best man from my wedding and three good school mates all having a boys weekend away. Five odd years ago I would have been included, now nothing not sure if it’s my fault, theirs or both, feel a bit numb about it. Only 6 months ago I saw my best man who was struggling and I reached out to him but nothing since.... part of me wants to comment on the post and go wtf where’s my invite but then I think would I have gone anyway as I get so much anxiety going out which is why they don’t bother me anymore. Depression ******* sucks
This is Facebook. I've had the same issues for a long time. In reality, out of the 150+ friends I have on facebook I would rarely share anything personal outside of Facebook with anyone except my immediate family. There would be a small few people I would talk to personally at work but that's about it. I spent the best part of 12 months getting the boys together on a regular basis but in the end it only failed. I don't know what to make of it.
 

Bomberboyokay

Cancelled
Sep 27, 2014
34,231
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Also does anyone find themselves irrationally 'annoyed' for lack of a better word, when they see people on TV/papers talking very openly and publicly about their struggles?
Only when it's a rich person who sets their own work day (which is fine) but in all likelihood votes for a political party with zero interest in helping most people achieve some work-life balance.
 

raskolnikov

Premium Platinum
Apr 1, 2002
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I'm the opposite. The heat really gets me down and the sun is too bright and overbearing. Still enjoy being active in nature, out and about, i just end up missing the cold over the summer.

I have a condition where cold weather makes me physically ache all over. I miss Melbourne but I literally couldn't live there anymore. Even when it gets down to 21 or 22 in the evenings here in Queensland I start to hurt.
 

raskolnikov

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Apr 1, 2002
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******* hell I'd never heard of that. Sounds miserable as I'm sure it is.
It sucks. The other day I was in the car going to Bundaberg(about a 2 hour drive) with some friends. They had the air conditioning quite low and I was in agony. After a while I just had to ask them to raise the temperature.
 

Genghis Tron

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It sucks. The other day I was in the car going to Bundaberg(about a 2 hour drive) with some friends. They had the air conditioning quite low and I was in agony. After a while I just had to ask them to raise the temperature.
I don't know what I'd do in your shoes. I can't go without the cold. What's the condition called? If that isn't too personal. My knees and finger joints ache in the cold but I wouldn't describe it as agony as I've got used to it and I'd take that pain over a 25 degree day any day.
 

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