Health Depression

[HARKER]

Sixteen straws, I read your post last night and felt for you. That sounds very tough.

The decisions you make as a teenager don't need to control the rest of your life, despite what parents and teachers tell you. Not completing year 12 by 18 means precisely that you will not be attending university at 19, and that is it.

You can do year 12 at TAFE with mature age students next year and go to uni the year after, if that is what you want.

You've been through more than many other kids at your age and should give yourself a break, you're probably emotionally exhausted. Take it easy and be kind to yourself, things will work out.

Dead right, Nicky.

The decisions you make in your 20's don't need to control your life in your 30s
The decisions you make in your 30s don't need to .......................etc. etc.

Just make the decisions you're comfortable with, for you.
At the end of the day you only have yourself to answer to and don't believe that toeing the party line is the answer to happiness either.
The people I have admired most in my life are the ones that truly don't care what others think for they are really the ones in command of their own destiny.
They just happen to be the most interesting and honest people also, as they have no ego to pamper, nor peers they need to appease.

 

[nicky]

Dead right, Nicky.

The decisions you make in your 20's don't need to control your life in your 30s
The decisions you make in your 30s don't need to .......................etc. etc.

Just make the decisions you're comfortable with, for you.
At the end of the day you only have yourself to answer to and don't believe that toeing the party line is the answer to happiness either.
The people I have admired most in my life are the ones that truly don't care what others think for they are really the ones in command of their own destiny.
They just happen to be the most interesting and honest people also, as they have no ego to pamper, nor peers they need to appease.

I am wary of people who claim they don't care what people think as i believe its the human condition to care what others think. I reckon it's an age thing, whereby its not until you turn 60 when the penny finally drops and you realise the hilarious joke. Everyone is too preoccupied with what others think of them to be in a position to have a valid judement on anyone else.

I think what you're talking about is people who, although they care what others think, they value their own judgement more.

It's ok to care what others think about you, it's almost inevitible.

 

[HARKER]

I am wary of people who claim they don't care what people think as i believe its the human condition to care what others think. I reckon it's an age thing, whereby its not until you turn 60 when the penny finally drops and you realise the hilarious joke. Everyone is too preoccupied with what others think of them to be in a position to have a valid judement on anyone else.

I think what you're talking about is people who, although they care what others think, they value their own judgement more.

It's ok to care what others think about you, it's almost inevitible.

I'm wary if they have to tell me but not wary when they live thier lives in such a manner.
I can tell you as a fact that's it's quite a liberating force when you strip away your concerns of what someone else may be thinking of you.
Some of the happiest people I know subscribe to that notion and conversely become very appealing people by their nature that is free of silly self-conscious restraints.

That may have very little to do with the topic of depression but it does become a weight when you're objective in life is to satisfy others, or worse, make yourself out to be something you're not.

 

[nicky]

Look, I’m not arguing against the merrits of ‘not caring what others think’. It's a flawless theory. I just think some people go on about this for an easy ego win.

I know some happy people and they have not completely transcended the human condition of caring what others think.

 

[HARKER]

Look, I’m not arguing against the merrits of ‘not caring what others think’. It's a flawless theory. I just think some people go on about this for an easy ego win.

I know some happy people and they have not completely transcended the human condition of caring what others think.

Not setting up for any argument at all Nicky. Just communicating here.

Let me re-phrase what I'm getting at:
1. If you really know that you are living a decent life, you have no one to answer to.
2. When you strip away the fear of not being like everybody else, your life may become somewhat less burdened.
3. When you give yourself the time to work out why things are the way they are in your life, then the mystery can be taken away.
e.g. There is little reason to get upset at something when you knew it was going to happen, by virtue of anothers' attitude or response towards you.


In respect to what you're saying, I'm always wary when people say the following:

1. I don't care what people think about me.
2. I'm a really down to earth sort of guy.
3. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
4. To be honest ......................
5. I'm never wrong.

 

[nicky]

Not setting up for any argument at all Nicky. Just communicating here.

Was it because I started my post with "look"? I didn't intend or want to sound controversial.

Let me re-phrase what I'm getting at:
1. If you really know that you are living a decent life, you have no one to answer to.
2. When you strip away the fear of not being like everybody else, your life may become somewhat less burdened.
3. When you give yourself the time to work out why things are the way they are in your life, then the mystery can be taken away.
e.g. There is little reason to get upset at something when you knew it was going to happen, by virtue of anothers' attitude or response towards you.


In respect to what you're saying, I'm always wary when people say the following:

1. I don't care what people think about me.
2. I'm a really down to earth sort of guy.
3. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
4. To be honest ......................
5. I'm never wrong.

We're on the same page, i respect what you're saying. I am just trying to illustrate that there is scope to be happy and care about what others think. Not caring what others think (or going on about it) can be a defence mechanism and it can seem unattainable and intimidating (hence why people where it as such a badge of honour)

 

[J_Moore]

Hey, sixteenstraws, it doesn't feel like it now, but you are young as shit and have so much time to do whatever you want. If you want to finish your HSC, you can do that no dramas at TAFE, or even back at school. If you don't want to, that's cool to, and you can do a whole lot of other things. You're not racing a clock here.

I mean, it'd definitely help to find something you want to do, 'cause that'll be how you meet new people and everything, but there's no rush. There's not some list of things you need to have completed by age 18 to guarantee happiness or anything.

I am glad your surgery went well, and the Drones are a ****ing awesome band.

 

[vast]

hey sixteen straws,

Im sorry to hear about all you have gone through, my advice is not to be hard on yourself and that you seem to have you head in the right place about where you wanna go and what you want to do. Looking back and when I was your age most of the people I knew didnt have a clue.

I know it doesnt feel like it know but Im telling you that at 18 you are still very young and have way more time than you think. Most of your peers also arent that far ahead of you as you think they are.

Just try to have as much fun as possible and not overthink things.

 

[_Christoh_]

I posted the following message in another thread and was surprised by the response it got so I thought I might post it here for people who may not have seen it

To those of you who are feeling emotionally spent at the moment I hear you and feel your despair. I understand you, I know what that dreadful feeling of no hope, no motivation, failure and complete lack of will to continue feels like.

But know this, it can be worked through, there are ways to climb out of it, with or without drugs.

Personally I felt like I had played the game of life and failed miserably on many many occasions. A string of failed jobs, failed relationships, an ex partner that wouldn't let me see my child and terrible finances.

I fell into the trap of self loathing and poor me and it is a natural reaction. I like to think Im a fairly smart guy and therefore I got into thinking that if Im not a dumbarse then why is so much bad stuff coming my way?? There must be something wrong with me? Surely??

There wasn't. Firstly for alot of guys who have been in a relationship where they were depended upon and were a provider, a partner sometimes a father too it is a massive shock to the system to all of a sudden find yourself as none of those things. Dreams, aspirations and goals seem shattered, broken, gone.

They key to getting out of this mind set is to just let it go. Acknowledge how ****ed up you are, acknowledge how much of a bitch your ex may or may not be, acknowledge that despite all your best intentions you have found yourself where you currently are. You got to stop thinking backwards. Stop thinking of what could have been. Forget about what others have done to you. None of that will help you one bit going forward, ask yourself how can it??

It took me 2 years of living inside myself before I started looking outward. I after a long time realised I had a choice, just one choice, to either stay the same or do something about it myself. First thing I did was to re-engage/re-invent my social network. I started with family then used that wonderful modern marvel of facebook to organise catch ups with old friends (only positive people though). I found this to help put my life into a little bit of perspective as a lot of my old friends had found themselves in similar situations.

I then decided to take up a new hobby, playing guitar, it was something I had always wanted to do but somehow talked myself into thinking I couldn't do. I threw myself into it and youtube is awesome for picking up free lessons and with in six months I was able to play a whole heap of songs that I love to play.

I found someone I could speak to, who I trusted and made a pact with them that I would unload all my emotional crap I had been carrying and that upon completion of doing that would never allow myself to let those past failures or negative thoughts dictate my life. She too did the same thing with me and we both soon found that this helped us both alot. This process took sometime but was theraputic. We weren't allowed to think of our own shit in between catching up with each other. Save it all fo when we caught up.

I then decided to change career, set some short term goals and some longer term goals. Kept it simple as the whole point is to get moving forward. Slowly I ticked a few boxes and felt freakin fantastic about it. Insignificant to anyone else but massive to me and thats all that matters as far as Im concerned.

I undertook a course in community services which basically for $800 I just learned how to live, how to heal myself and others. The single greatest thing I have ever done. I hope to help many many people in situations similar and sometimes worse than me.

I still have a way to go but as someone who wanted to end it all I can now say I am happy.

Just like anyone can find themselves without hope remember that anyone can re-invent themselves, but its up to you. Dont only rely on a pill (unless medically diagnosed), dont rely on anyone else to do it for you. Find people who will help you and get going again.

Look forward and stop looking back. You cant fix the past but you can fix the future.

PM me if you want to chat Im cool with that

 

[HARKER]

PM me if you want to chat Im cool with that

You're good enough for me christoh.

I hope some people take you up on your offer.
You sound as though you may have something to say.
Good on you.

 

[Dan Moody]

Really don't know what the ****s wrong with me lately.
Had a minor meltdown at work over a week ago, despite the fact my results are in the top 20% of the state. At that stage , couldn't have given a shit whether I walked out and didn't come back. Sat down and had a good chat with my boss about my career and future, who with all due respect was very good about the whole thing. Have been very short and quiet around family as well, kids have been fighting and last night my daughter put a hole in the wall while riding her scooter down the hallway after being told not to. I went off at her, my wife told me that she didn't mean it (like that'll fix the hole in the wall) so I asked her what she was going to do about it which led to a minor argument. I couldn't be ****ed so grabbed my bike out of the garage and went for a long ride down to the beach. On the way, riding pretty reckless, couldn't have cared whether I was taken out by a car or not to be honest. When I got to the beach at sunset, sat above the cliffs overlooking the Mornington Peninsula and watched a guy out swimming and playing with a seal in the area at the same time, both of them mimicking each other for around 20 minutes. Watching dogs run down the beach, chasing seagulls and barking while the seagulls were flying 5m above and well out of the dogs reach. Probably the best thing I could've done at that time although as I write this my wife is at work and we still haven't spoken since last night (I went to bed early).
I guess I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment, not really sure what my purpose is and whether I make any difference to people's lives.
Tomorrows another day I suppose.

 

[_RT_]

Time for an update, its been about 3 months since my last post in here.

First off we moved into our house back in December and things worked out pretty good for us. We ended up with a fair bit of cash left over which allowed us to whack a fair bit of coin on the home loan and were also able to upgrade a few items around the house. Kids have started school and seem to have settled in very quickly, which is a minor miracle. So on the home front things are pretty good.

At work things are going ok job wise, but things could change quite quickly. My work is retrenching 350 workers shortly and no-one has any idea who is going to get tapped on the shoulder and what we're going to get if we do get tapped. I'm pretty sure that I won't be getting tapped but with a pretty severe back injury and around 50% hearing loss, anything is possible.

As for me personally, we as I just mentioned I have a pretty severe back injury, with 3 discs giving me grief in my lower back. Pain wise its ok but I have to keep reminding myself that I can't do the sort of things that I used to do, especially when it comes to playing with the kids. On top of that I also have major hearing loss in one ear @70% and overall it leaves me with about 50% of my hearing. The doctors have told me that there is nothing they can do for it and that I'll have to be pretty careful that I don't expose myself to any further risk.

Apart from that everything else is going well and by the end of the year I hope to be in a much better place emotionally and hopefully physically. I guess it backs up what I said in my initial post in this thread and that is if you keep on fighting and aren't afraid to go out and seek some professional help things can work out for you in the long run.

To put it another way, remember what Dory says in Finding Nemo: Just keep swimming.

 

[Sebastian Balboa]

I'm a brave **** in public (even on here) but inside I am finding it difficult to really move on from her.

I don't want to bore anyone with my situation (I think it's on here somewhere) but what I can't deal with is these, what I call, "relapses".

I can be fine, moving on from my near-20 year marriage to the woman who I thought we'd be together forever .... with a few very, very nice women showing some interest in li'l ol' me, then it'll just come: sadness, regret, pining just washing over me.

Today, I got a text not meant for me about her talking about her "future hubby". Took the ****en wind out of my sails, it did! Tears came this afternoon while alone (as I mostly am) and the old lip's trembling now...

It's been 3 years and apart from the interest I am just so bloody lonely. Why can't I just let it go?

They key to getting out of this mind set is to just let it go. Acknowledge how ****ed up you are, acknowledge how much of a bitch your ex may or may not be, acknowledge that despite all your best intentions you have found yourself where you currently are. You got to stop thinking backwards. Stop thinking of what could have been. Forget about what others have done to you. None of that will help you one bit going forward, ask yourself how can it??

This is some great advice but so hard to put in practice.

 

[Lemma]

Bloody tough situation you're in. I've never been in a relationship 2 years, let alone 20 years. Best of luck with it, hope everything works out well.

 

[Sebastian Balboa]

Bloody tough situation you're in. I've never been in a relationship 2 years, let alone 20 years. Best of luck with it, hope everything works out well.

Thanks, mate. Just a few words from a stranger does help. I think there's a lot of crew in this thread facing way more tougher issues than me....my heart goes out to you all, and also to those offering kind words, it does help (a little).

 

[_RT_]

I'm a brave **** in public (even on here) but inside I am finding it difficult to really move on from her.

I don't want to bore anyone with my situation (I think it's on here somewhere) but what I can't deal with is these, what I call, "relapses".

I can be fine, moving on from my near-20 year marriage to the woman who I thought we'd be together forever .... with a few very, very nice women showing some interest in li'l ol' me, then it'll just come: sadness, regret, pining just washing over me.

Today, I got a text not meant for me about her talking about her "future hubby". Took the ****en wind out of my sails, it did! Tears came this afternoon while alone (as I mostly am) and the old lip's trembling now...

It's been 3 years and apart from the interest I am just so bloody lonely. Why can't I just let it go?



This is some great advice but so hard to put in practice.

A friend of mine recently went through a marriage break up and at first they thought they could remain friends, but after a couple of months she decided that the only way she could move on with her life was to totally cut off contact with her ex. She changed mobile & home numbers, told work not to put through calls from him and she deleted him from her FB account. In the month since she did that she found herself a new partner, found come outside interests to keep her occupied and has become a much happier person.

Judging by the fact that you got a text message from her its obvious that she still is able to contact you and having that connection can't be good when trying to move on. I know it sounds like a prick of a thing to do but for your own sake its would appear to me that its the only way you're going to be able to move on with YOUR life.

 

[Sebastian Balboa]

A friend of mine recently went through a marriage break up and at first they thought they could remain friends, but after a couple of months she decided that the only way she could move on with her life was to totally cut off contact with her ex. She changed mobile & home numbers, told work not to put through calls from him and she deleted him from her FB account. In the month since she did that she found herself a new partner, found come outside interests to keep her occupied and has become a much happier person.

Judging by the fact that you got a text message from her its obvious that she still is able to contact you and having that connection can't be good when trying to move on. I know it sounds like a prick of a thing to do but for your own sake its would appear to me that its the only way you're going to be able to move on with YOUR life.

We have children, two with Autism, so we need to work together for them.

But yes, I have done much of what your friend has done, not so much the new partner thing, and we're not 'friends' on FB, but I have many outside interests. Even without that text today, I have these relapses every so often, it pisses me off and gets me down.

Maybe I have a love void and until such time as that is filled, because I have loved for so long, I just remain open to these relapses of the heart

 

[nicky]

Maybe I have a love void and until such time as that is filled, because I have loved for so long, I just remain open to these relapses of the heart

I agree with that.

 

[HARKER]

We have children, two with Autism, so we need to work together for them.

But yes, I have done much of what your friend has done, not so much the new partner thing, and we're not 'friends' on FB, but I have many outside interests. Even without that text today, I have these relapses every so often, it pisses me off and gets me down.

Maybe I have a love void and until such time as that is filled, because I have loved for so long, I just remain open to these relapses of the heart

Don't stop loving just because you haven't a partner of the opposite sex, SB.
You love your children don't you?

I know this may come across as cold, but when you know something is going to happen, it shouldn't hurt as much when it does.
It is sad losing a partner and moreso a long-term partner and it is going to hurt every now and then so when the pain hits, sit down and think about it, with the view of knowing things will get better.

I am saying this from a point of experience.

 

[Primetime Pricey]

Ive been on Pristiq anti-depressants for a few weeks now. Really hoping that they can help with my issues.

Depression sux. Hope everything works out for you Sebastian Balboa

 

[HARKER]

Anti-Depressants:

This is just my practical view on them and by no means am I suggesting that they don't have their uses.
I got my Mother onto them and it pretty much brought her back from the dead, so they certainly can perform a function for the right person.

I spent two years on them and found myself to have become somewhat "neutral" through use.
That is to say that the bandwidth of my feelings became somewhat compressed.
I didn't like that as I'm not afraid of feeling down, but even moreso don't care to lose the highs of life.
I found it easier to give up drinking after 30 years of consumption than giving these little f***ing things up.

Doctors are just too ready to give you a script for them as opposed to finding ways to address the issues at large.
Please cover the ground before lending yourself to them, too easily.
Point being: Buyer beware.

 

[Primetime Pricey]

fair point Harker.

Obviously just taking them alone wont resolve the issues hence i see a Psych and go to meetings and other stuff. I really didnt want to go on anti-deppresants but pretty much everyone told me to give them a go.

 

[HARKER]

fair point Harker.

Obviously just taking them alone wont resolve the issues hence i see a Psych and go to meetings and other stuff. I really didnt want to go on anti-deppresants but pretty much everyone told me to give them a go.

Do what you need to do PP and I only wish the best to all that come under the cloud of this unseen yet debilitating disease/situation.

There are some that just sit on the cusp of being down, yet the doctors are so willing to stick them on these drugs and that's what really irks me.
I can't take back time, but if I had it over again, I'd choose not to take them, preferring the pain than the ambivalence.

 

[Primetime Pricey]

Do what you need to do PP and I only wish the best to all that come under the cloud of this unseen yet debilitating disease/situation.

There are some that just sit on the cusp of being down, yet the doctors are so willing to stick them on these drugs and that's what really irks me.
I can't take back time, but if I had it over again, I'd choose not to take them, preferring the pain than the ambivalence.

its a weird situation. they said the effects wouldnt kick in until 3 or so weeks so im coming up to that.
im pretty sceptical myself to be honest

 

[nicky]

Anti depressants and similar meds are vital for some people but, as harker said they are over prescribed. Since "personality disorders" came into existence, people are of the belief that if you're not 'zipperty doo dahing' all the time then there must be something wrong. And it's your duty to find out what that is!