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I've been back from my exchange semester for 2.5 months now and I just can't get over my feeling of..emptiness, sadness, loneliness. I can't get out of bed in the mornings and when I do, I end up sleeping during the day anyway. My friendship group dynamic has totally changed since I got back, mostly centred around my best friend of 10 years who I have never had a fight with before. I feel completely betrayed by her and I can't even face her to have a conversation with her. I don’t leave the house unless I have a specific appointment that involves other people relying on me. I’m not myself at work – I didn't tell anyone there when it was my birthday because I knew they'd make a fuss that I didn't want. I don't even really feel like going to the football anymore, mum’s dragged me there a couple of times since I got back and I know she will this week, which is probably good for me. I don't answer the phone anymore, even though I know it'll be my nanny or aunty or someone who will be nice to me and would like to hear from me.
I have been completely disenchanted by my university since seeing how different it can be, I've been lumped with mostly online classes, in fact I have 2 on-campus hours per fortnight. I haven't done any work outside of those 2 hours for at least 3 weeks now, maybe 4, I’m losing track of the weeks. It’s getting to assignment time and I still can't do anything. I've got 5 units (including the 3 I have this semester) remaining in my 4 year degree and I have an HD average, I've never got less than a D, that'll change this semester. I left the easy classes for the end, I’m doing a first year subject and I won't even do well at that.
I've been seeing my uni counsellor for the past month or so, she’s just referred me to my GP because she thinks I need medication. She was setting me goals that I couldn't reach, really easy goals too. Couldn’t do the two 10 minute walks she wanted me to go on, couldn't get up at 9am like she wanted me to. I set my alarm on my dresser, got up for 20 minutes, back to bed. I play volleyball which is always the highlight of my week, but even there my mind goes blank and I completely mess up at times because of it. I managed to live in New York for 5 months and pretty much maintain my weight (I don't weigh myself, but I felt roughly the same), I've put on weight since I've been home for sure. I'm dreading the warmer weather because all I feel like wearing are things that cover everything. I'm ashamed of myself.
My mum keeps trying the ‘there are people out there much worse than you’ line and I get angry at her because it doesn't make me feel happier to know that there are people with bigger problems, how is that supposed to help? Is only one person in the world allowed to be unhappy? She wants to come to my doctor’s appointment but if I have to go I want to be alone, although the idea of reliving all of those conversations that I had with my counsellor is horrible to me. I cry my eyes out at every appointment and feel even worse for the rest of the day than usual. I’m scared that someone thinks I need medication, I don’t want to need it.
Sorry to hear that you feel this way, but you're definitely not alone. Hopefully the counselling and medication help you and you can rebuild things with your friendship group.
Let your mum know that you need space to deal with this and that you understand she wants to help you but this is something you need to handle on your own.
I definitely think there is a systemic problem with tertiary education here, and a whole heap of people are very, very isolated and unhappy. What do you study?




).. so it's more like this way they can re-use pre-recorded lectures and just pay someone to occasionally monitor the discussion boards. The main reason I'm looking at doing post-grad is because I feel completely unprepared skill-wise to enter the workforce. I get more out of my current job than I get out of my degree.