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Health Depression

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SeaOfFire said:
So, the pages in the book of life turn, the words writ large and dark.

Some progress in means has been made, although some caveats are attached, as is ever the case. But, progress is progress and is thankfully received.

I read today this neat article - it's kinda obvious, but collectively we spend almost no time reflecting on this avenue of thinking. I do. But then I'm crazy, dig? Culturally, the idea that we have "advanced" is a total misnomer - we have simply become better at organising and instituting control. Which, whilst "an" advancement, it hardly qualifies society as advanced, if a text from BC can reveal something not simply forgotten, but previously unknown. If you call something right, it immediately births something that is wrong.

I have long said, in random pub conversations in many different places, that our diversity brings us together. Some people needed that explained, others accepted and if not understood, expressed a willingness to just talk about it, if only for the relaxed banter that works at a pub. However, I read another way of expressing the same idea, far more eloquently coined......that to make a cake, you need flour, and eggs, and milk, and......you see what's being said now, yeah? Different things, when combined produce something bigger, new, better.....diversity is key, homogeneity is death. Look at nature ffs lol :D

I sometimes afford myself the luxury of the thought, that I pursue these sorts of lines of enquiry constantly, whether I want to or not because so many other people don't. As an aside, whether I CHOOSE to ACTIVELY think about these things or not, they are constantly being thought of in the background....if you can imagine a window inset, the smaller window playing a different image, as you type words on a page.....you are aware of the image, and if you choose to you can bring it the foreground.....its exactly like that....I have many such windows. That's difficult thinking, to believe such a thing, so luxuries of thought aren't a concept I can be or am familiar with. Such things are food for.....other things. I suspect this is why all the negative connotations around impulsive behaviour form part of my health landscape.

That, to my mind, is a pretty cool way at looking at what I can do, for when shit is bad....that yeah, ok, I'm crazy....but I know I still think and do good things and I can therefore find examples in my life to support that. It doesn't mean the thinking environment that contains those good things is totally good, nor should it (?), it just means that....well, what it says on the box.....ingredients: good things, bad things, crazy things, dumb things.....

Just like making a cake, or society, yeah?

Peace.
Click to expand...
If you’re into looking at different ways of thinking check out this short podcast


I did a two day mind power course with this guy 5 or 6 years ago and it was great and it made me realise I habitually think negatively about everything. Or thoughts are all choices and I tend to always look at things badly and this has a flow on affect. When you start catching yourself doing this and flipping it , then you can really improve your mental health. Just listening to this guy has refreshed everything I had learnt and am feeling a lot better as for the last month I had started to slip into bad mental health again. Anyway the guy is Robin Banks and his mentor is John Kehoe, they have books and YouTube videos, if you get the chance take a listen and see if you can take anything from it.
 

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Well, been on the street since Thursday.

I don’t choose to use a tent or sleeping bag. So I stay awake all night and then sleep during the day at a daytime shelter where I can access food, washing machines, showers etc.

I gotta say, the sheer numbers of homeless folks is utterly depressing. There was a free food service attending a CBD park tonight and there would have been 80+ people there - this is Brisbane, Roma St parklands. The food was a cup of noodles and a bowl of soup. Soup is what is mostly served at the daytime shelter I visit as well.

When you google “homeless services near me” or similar, 50% of the results are out of date. It makes accessing services just that bit more challenging. I’m not engaging too much with people (mostly due to my mental health condition), but the general view therefore is that internet services you find via a search are largely a waste of time - experience on the street and word of mouth is what matters.

There was a dude around my age (54) walking around a 7-11 this arvo, asking people to buy him a pie. As I had $3.00 in my account, I had to say no. He was getting more and more agitated, until the 8th or 9th person did so - and he almost burst into tears.

I’ve counted 30+ people in sleeping bags, sleeping in doorways or the footpath, on a walk from the top of the Queen Street mall to Customs House (where I am sitting as I post this, google to see the distance, it ain’t far). At 4PM, inside the Queen Street bus station, a dude just rolled out his sleeping bag in an eating area and went to sleep. He got moved on within the hour. Outside, within 20m of one another, were 3 people begging.

Soon, people like that will be resorting to violence. The desperation is evident all around me.

But everything is great here in Oz. Best place in the world to live. The lucky country.

Cognitive dissonance. No….more than that. Cognitive dysfunction on a societal level.

Welcome to reality.
 
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Many folks aren’t on welfare anymore either. It’s hard to look for work or attend Centrelink interviews when you are hungry, tired and unwashed. Any missed appointments generally mean being denied payments, so most people just give up.

There are 4 computers available at the shelter, but I’ve yet to see anybody using them. There’s simply no point.

The young people, under 25, are going to be career homeless. They feel that everything is against them, so they all live in an alternate reality, where the rules governing their life are so far removed from the norm that greater society is just irrelevant.

The women have it tougher, often forced by circumstance to hang with a male solely for safety, relationship violence becoming just another reality that is accepted. Kiwis too, not qualifying for welfare but unable to go home, are prevalent. One homeless service on the Gold Coast is now paying for them to fly back to NZ, as they have no other assistance to provide.

I’ve had one call back over emergency accommodation, just a courtesy call, confirming zero availability at this time. Aside from that, I’ve not heard back from any of the others.

I’m waiting on my 20k super money to be deposited, and that will swiftly be consumed on AirBnB’s, after which I’ll be back street side.

The fact that all this bothers me, to the point of severe mental health deterioration, means I get lumped with being called crazy.

Fine.

But I’m not the problem.
 
Outside the bus station, on Elizabeth St, a big tattooed dude sits down every evening at about 7PM. He stares straight ahead, saying nothing.

Every 10-15 minutes, a homeless person, often very crazed, will come over to him. A quick hushed conversation, a sleight of hand, and a little bag of happiness is handed over. He repeats this 10 or 20 times a night until just before dawn.

There’s cameras everywhere there. I noticed within about 2 hours what was happening, there’s police and security guards patrolling as well…but apparently “nobody knows”.

I don’t blame any of them. You gotta do what you gotta do - but chemicals ain’t gonna help long term. But, when you live beyond the fringes of society, you become invisible.

The staff at the shelter are great, but you can see the tiredness in their eyes. I don’t blame them either - it must suck to be one of the carers in that system, you’d have a shit time at a dinner party, that’s for sure.

We don’t need more gas pipelines through First Nations territory.
We don’t need a six pack of submarines.
We don’t need Gina getting tax breaks.

We need houses.
We need people living with dignity and feeling they can contribute meaningfully.

But I guess that’s too hard.

So I’ll just keep being crazy, bleeding when it all gets too much, and staring right now at the Story Bridge and remembering the times when bleeding wasn’t enough.
 
Still kicking.

**** me it’s been cold though.

I remember the first time I watched Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker. I was in my house back then. I recall feeling very strongly that the character portrayed was a hero, not a villain.

My disassociation with society long preceded that film. It’s hard to support a system that is corrupt. One that supports selfishness and disregard, and furthermore rewards those who can act likewise.

I’m labeled as crazy.

I don’t feel crazy. I’ve felt crazy before - twice, in fact. Two times in my life I’ve entered a psychosis. I’ll not bore the reader with details, but a question that often gets asked is “do you know that you are crazy?”

You do. But it’s the wrong question.

A better question is “what did you hope to accomplish in that state?”

But nobody ever asks that.

I see health professionals, social workers, support workers, all desperately trying to fix me, them, the system. To no avail. A flagrant, blithe and dismissive assessment of craziness is touted as “doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.” Oh the lols. Apply that same metric to the people you encounter on your way to work and maybe you’ll see how ignorant and self-serving it is.

We don’t, as a society, embrace difference. It is seen as a deficiency, an affliction, a wrongness.

Thinking or doing differently requires justification, ideally framed within the economic value. Unless my “neurodivergent” tendencies can be reduced to a balance sheet, they lack value. Worse, they threaten a social order that comforts the majority.

Here’s something to think about - normality is a majority concept.
 
So if you’re reading this, and you’re down - shoot me a message.

I’m likely going to be more help than many others.

Don’t give up.
Don’t freefall into darkness.

Try to understand the why.

Because we all have value - and it doesn’t matter what that value is. It’s enough to know that is THERE, even if you can’t see it.
 
SeaOfFire said:
Still kicking.

**** me it’s been cold though.

I remember the first time I watched Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker. I was in my house back then. I recall feeling very strongly that the character portrayed was a hero, not a villain.

My disassociation with society long preceded that film. It’s hard to support a system that is corrupt. One that supports selfishness and disregard, and furthermore rewards those who can act likewise.

I’m labeled as crazy.

I don’t feel crazy. I’ve felt crazy before - twice, in fact. Two times in my life I’ve entered a psychosis. I’ll not bore the reader with details, but a question that often gets asked is “do you know that you are crazy?”

You do. But it’s the wrong question.

A better question is “what did you hope to accomplish in that state?”

But nobody ever asks that.

I see health professionals, social workers, support workers, all desperately trying to fix me, them, the system. To no avail. A flagrant, blithe and dismissive assessment of craziness is touted as “doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.” Oh the lols. Apply that same metric to the people you encounter on your way to work and maybe you’ll see how ignorant and self-serving it is.

We don’t, as a society, embrace difference. It is seen as a deficiency, an affliction, a wrongness.

Thinking or doing differently requires justification, ideally framed within the economic value. Unless my “neurodivergent” tendencies can be reduced to a balance sheet, they lack value. Worse, they threaten a social order that comforts the majority.

Here’s something to think about - normality is a majority concept.
Click to expand...
I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you have been fairing with this cold mate. At least it warms up during the day!

Look after yourself 👍🏻
 
Yeah mate, I’m ok, thanks for the thoughts 👍🙏

Well, it’s all relative lol. But I’m not bleeding and I still have hope.

I’m hoping, amongst other things, that Trumpism is the disease which produces a cure.

It probably won’t make a difference in my lifetime, but for the people hitting 15,16,20, 25….for them.

If we don’t care about others, we have no society. And outside of the campaigners who have lawyers and accountants on retainer, I haven’t met someone who would take more than their fair share.

For a nation that only ever identifies itself as one that commenced with a boatload of convicts arriving, we sure do like rules. It’s a shame we’ve lost that.

Put murries and women in charge, life would be a ****ton better.

**** the patriarchy.
**** the capitalists.
 
SeaOfFire said:
Yeah mate, I’m ok, thanks for the thoughts 👍🙏

Well, it’s all relative lol. But I’m not bleeding and I still have hope.

I’m hoping, amongst other things, that Trumpism is the disease which produces a cure.

It probably won’t make a difference in my lifetime, but for the people hitting 15,16,20, 25….for them.

If we don’t care about others, we have no society. And outside of the campaigners who have lawyers and accountants on retainer, I haven’t met someone who would take more than their fair share.

For a nation that only ever identifies itself as one that commenced with a boatload of convicts arriving, we sure do like rules. It’s a shame we’ve lost that.

Put murries and women in charge, life would be a ****ton better.

**** the patriarchy.
**** the capitalists.
Click to expand...

I just read your last few posts & it got me thinking about the World we live in

The only thing that confused me was how Trumpism will help anyone
 

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damicky said:
I just read your last few posts & it got me thinking about the World we live in

The only thing that confused me was how Trumpism will help anyone
Click to expand...

I'm HOPING that decent folks can see what inaction leads to - Trumpism being the vehicle that occupies space where once integrity, decency, community and wisdom ruled.

Perhaps I can sum it up thus = "Evil thrives when good folks do nothing".

Our political and business leaders are now so firmly embedded into the trough with their collective snouts, that ideals like decency and integrity get left behind in the rise to power.

So, I'm HOPING people realise that to allow maniacs like Trump loose in the corridors of power is a direct result of the erosion of those same values.

In my almost 2 weeks on the street, I've attended a bunch of different food services throughout the Brisbane CBD, in the Valley, in West End. I've slept at 2 different day shelters (3rd Space in the Valley and one in South Brisbane, a church-based one). Speaking with the staff there, they all relate the same story - without the religious donations of money, food, clothing etc, they wouldn't be able to operate. Government funding is extremely difficult to access.

I'm a mental health patient. There are few services that I can access, short of cutting myself to ribbons and being admitted to a psych ward via emergency departments. The only specialist mental health hospital in Brisbane is closing due to....lack of funding. It was privatised some years ago and surprise surprise, wasn't able to turn a profit.

And that's how we see the erosion in critical services....both sides of the political spectrum see private business as capable of stepping into the void in critical areas like healthcare, aged care, disability care, child care etc etc....and then we wonder why the services get shut down, or begin to suffer from over-worked staff and poor levels of care.

We live in an increasingly uncaring society - feel free to come visit me and I can show you just how little our society values notions of equality, fairness and all the other tripe that people bang on about. It's an illusion.

But maybe, JUST MAYBE, when people see what comes from having a government (ie, Trumpism/right wing populism) that champions that same disregard for human values so flagrantly and so openly, that they will begin to reassess the society in which they live, or to stop this society following.

But I doubt it.

Last Monday night, at Roma street parklands, there was the usual food service. Food, coffee, bedding and clothing provided free by a religious organisation. Shortly before that, in King George Square, there was a pro-Palestine rally. There were as many attendees all crying outrage at the Palestinian situation as there were homeless people lining up for a sausage sizzle and a coffee. I walked THROUGH the rally on my way to the food service and wondered at the motivations for those attending, when less than 500m away were over 200 rough sleepers. they didn't even know that there were people within their own community desperate for food, shelter, clothing.

It's a human condition - it's far easier (and more comforting and safer) to be outraged at the injustices from far away and to be blind to the injustices outside your front door. This is exactly the fertile ground that populists feast on....how many times have you heard an anti-immigration speaker or supporter talk about "looking after our own country/people first"?

The nation is sleepwalking into a mirror image of the current USA and when anybody (like me) points that out, I'm reviled and dismissed. I'm living it right now. Feel free to pull quotes and reports, to cite references and studies.....I'll take my lived experience of the now as evidence.
 
SeaOfFire said:
I'm HOPING that decent folks can see what inaction leads to - Trumpism being the vehicle that occupies space where once integrity, decency, community and wisdom ruled.

Perhaps I can sum it up thus = "Evil thrives when good folks do nothing".

Our political and business leaders are now so firmly embedded into the trough with their collective snouts, that ideals like decency and integrity get left behind in the rise to power.

So, I'm HOPING people realise that to allow maniacs like Trump loose in the corridors of power is a direct result of the erosion of those same values.

In my almost 2 weeks on the street, I've attended a bunch of different food services throughout the Brisbane CBD, in the Valley, in West End. I've slept at 2 different day shelters (3rd Space in the Valley and one in South Brisbane, a church-based one). Speaking with the staff there, they all relate the same story - without the religious donations of money, food, clothing etc, they wouldn't be able to operate. Government funding is extremely difficult to access.

I'm a mental health patient. There are few services that I can access, short of cutting myself to ribbons and being admitted to a psych ward via emergency departments. The only specialist mental health hospital in Brisbane is closing due to....lack of funding. It was privatised some years ago and surprise surprise, wasn't able to turn a profit.

And that's how we see the erosion in critical services....both sides of the political spectrum see private business as capable of stepping into the void in critical areas like healthcare, aged care, disability care, child care etc etc....and then we wonder why the services get shut down, or begin to suffer from over-worked staff and poor levels of care.

We live in an increasingly uncaring society - feel free to come visit me and I can show you just how little our society values notions of equality, fairness and all the other tripe that people bang on about. It's an illusion.

But maybe, JUST MAYBE, when people see what comes from having a government (ie, Trumpism/right wing populism) that champions that same disregard for human values so flagrantly and so openly, that they will begin to reassess the society in which they live, or to stop this society following.

But I doubt it.

Last Monday night, at Roma street parklands, there was the usual food service. Food, coffee, bedding and clothing provided free by a religious organisation. Shortly before that, in King George Square, there was a pro-Palestine rally. There were as many attendees all crying outrage at the Palestinian situation as there were homeless people lining up for a sausage sizzle and a coffee. I walked THROUGH the rally on my way to the food service and wondered at the motivations for those attending, when less than 500m away were over 200 rough sleepers. they didn't even know that there were people within their own community desperate for food, shelter, clothing.

It's a human condition - it's far easier (and more comforting and safer) to be outraged at the injustices from far away and to be blind to the injustices outside your front door. This is exactly the fertile ground that populists feast on....how many times have you heard an anti-immigration speaker or supporter talk about "looking after our own country/people first"?

The nation is sleepwalking into a mirror image of the current USA and when anybody (like me) points that out, I'm reviled and dismissed. I'm living it right now. Feel free to pull quotes and reports, to cite references and studies.....I'll take my lived experience of the now as evidence.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the response

I thought you were saying that Trump was going to help people in your situation
 
I went with an old school friend to the footy yesterday. We went to the pub beforehand and hit the beers and had a very good chat.

I had absolutely zero idea or clue she had experienced domestic violence and some very shitty relationships. My jaw was on the floor, I have known this woman since primary school.

I didn't really know what to say tho, I just listened.


And I consider myself very fortunate also.

Take care guys x
 
PoppedCorn said:
im in a tough spot but after reading the last three pages i consider myself fortunate

stay strong everyone
remember to talk
Click to expand...

That is exactly how I feel
 

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It's all relative dudes....what breaks one person is easily borne by another.

That's the secret.

After many years of thinking about....everything, life, cakes, elephants, stuff.....it came to me last year, the solution to the Zen Buddhist koan, "what is the sound of one hand clapping?"

The (an?) answer is the hand of your neighbour hitting your hand....TOGETHER you make that sound, but it is ONLY one hand (each) clapping.

Reach out, don't wait - it is easy to break a single twig, but bind 100 together and it becomes unbreakable.

Peace.
 
SeaOfFire said:
It's all relative dudes....what breaks one person is easily borne by another.

That's the secret.

After many years of thinking about....everything, life, cakes, elephants, stuff.....it came to me last year, the solution to the Zen Buddhist koan, "what is the sound of one hand clapping?"

The (an?) answer is the hand of your neighbour hitting your hand....TOGETHER you make that sound, but it is ONLY one hand (each) clapping.

Reach out, don't wait - it is easy to break a single twig, but bind 100 together and it becomes unbreakable.

Peace.
Click to expand...
Well nothing guaranteed
Not sure what your saying
 
Shell said:
I went with an old school friend to the footy yesterday. We went to the pub beforehand and hit the beers and had a very good chat.

I had absolutely zero idea or clue she had experienced domestic violence and some very shitty relationships. My jaw was on the floor, I have known this woman since primary school.

I didn't really know what to say tho, I just listened.


And I consider myself very fortunate also.

Take care guys x
Click to expand...
I did the same not as extreme
But needed a day out and went to the footy
 
So, I went crazy yesterday after receiving some difficult news.

That culminated in being grabbed by 3 police at about 11PM last night in the Valley, and then bundled into an ambulance where I spent the night and today in the psych ward at hospital. I eventually got out at about 4PM this arvo.

Seriously dudes, if you are struggling DO NOT let it get to that point, please. Psych wards are horrible places and to get OUT of one takes a ridiculous amount of work. Most big hospitals have a psych ward that resembles a prison - no personal effects, locked rooms and no outside access, cameras everywhere. No ducking off for a dart or using your mobile etc.

And regardless of if you have a treating professional outside, such as in my case, their influence is restricted. It is up to the on duty registrar to satisfy themselves of your safety - and naturally they don't know you from a bar of soap. Only when that person is satisfied will you be released, no matter what your normal treating professional might wish.

What's funny in all this (yeah, humour is relative lol) is I often get asked about "building resilience", so I don't just go into meltdown when I receive difficult news.....the humour comes from the reality I live, where EVERY SINGLE TIME I open the kitchen drawer to grab a fork, or teaspoon, I see the knives.....and my resilience is working overtime, staving off the images that always accompany that very mundane, familiar action.

That I don't have the capacity to do the extra bit sometimes isn't reflective of a lack of resilience, because I'm practicing that multiple times a day, just making coffee or vegemite toast....

Take it easy all, one day at a time :thumbsu:

Peace.
 

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