Media Diary Of A Season 26 Rookie

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PART TWO: HOW SOON IS NOW?
​
I'm writing this at 3am in the back of the taxi that I have no money for. I blew my entire signing bonus on cocaine for the weekend and now I'm ****ed. The cabbie barely speaks English, but at this point its better than mine, and the meter is now well over $50 and for all I know we've been driving in circles. I felt alone, scared and vulnerable, but there is one beacon of hope, one shining light in my life that is keeping me afloat.

I am an SFA player. Allow me to explain.

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After this^ masterpiece was posted, I waited patiently in my million dollar rental house in the Hamptons for a team to contact me. I was heavily considering the following 3 teams.

Gold City Royals: A very aesthetically pleasing side, and I of course am a man of minuscule morals but much aesthetic and alliteration appreciation. They possess two top posters in Blacky and league admin Cloud_ and missed the finals on the last day. A good team to join and help rebuild.

Mount Buller Demons: A strong posting club with plenty of heritage. I'd already met the likes of sausageroll and sante and they seemed like they had a strong off-field culture with room to grow on field.

Coney Island Warriors: An understated and even irrelevant SFA side. Perfect for me to grow my personal reputation and image, and really make my mark individually. But team wise, I wasn't sold.

These three clubs have two things in common: 1, they didn't make the finals, and 2, they're not the Gumbies. I wanted a platform to build from, and furthermore, I was joining halfway through a season and didn't want to debut in a final in case I embarrass the league by winning the GF best on ground in my third game. Yes, I am that good. Moving on.

With these three teams in mind, I waited patiently, sending countless PMs around the league. I even hit up BRAB to ask if he could write an article about himself, and he told me he was really angry at nobodies tagging him in their posts to ride on his coattails. Whatever that means. After several minutes in the Hamptons, I heard the door ring for the first time. I opened the door tentatively, hoping for the best....

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And I closed it again.

"But wait..."

And from behind Gumby stepped the God himself, the league administrator, Cloud_ .

I stood in awe at the hulk of a man in front of me. cloud please give me preferable treatment i'm sucking your dick in this post rn. After several seconds of gawking, he let himself in, and we sat on my luxurious couches to discuss me signing with the Gold City Royals, his club, which does not at all seem like a conflict of interest. The dialogue was a little something like this.

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"Good evening, Mr Cloud, and thankyou for coming here to discuss terms with me."

"It is my pleasure Mr 74. Now, we at the Royals are very interested in adding you to our squad for Season 26. We're rebuilding at the moment and we feel an enthusiastic rookie such as yourself would bring a lot to the table."

"Thankyou, I enjoy being appreciated for my qualities. The Royals are certainly a team I am interested in signing for, but you'll have to understand that as an enthusiastic rookie, like you said, I am very in demand right now. What can you say or do to convince me to sign for the Royals?"

"Look, Mr 74, I'm not the captain so I can't guarantee anything. But if you signed for us, and posted consistently, there'll be a prime position for you - maybe a wing or even centre - and if you can sustain strong performances there might even be a leadership position for you down the track. We're a club looking to build a strong off-field culture and we think you can assist us in that. Join us and become part of a huge movement."

"That certainly sounds very assuring Mr Cloud, but I'd like some time to think it over. My agents will be in touch with yours once I've made my decision. Thankyou for the making the trip out here. Good bye."
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Now, Cloud_ will tell you a different story. A story involving a restraining order and a refused offer of oral sex. Do not believe him. I would not stoop that low to get onto an SFA list. Even if I did, you know what they say right? The ends justify the means. I had put pen to paper on a one year deal with the Gold City Royals. And that's all that mattered.

Cloud_ paid me to get "the * away from him" the deal over the line, my signing bonus as you will, which led me to where I am now.

Future kdavva74 , you are not going to remember what happened this evening. That is why I have documented it for you in perfect English using my phone in the back seat of a Toyota Camry whilst coming off a 2 day bender.. But when you look back to the blurry haze that these last 3 days will become, just know this.

You done ****ed up man.
 
Last edited:
kdavva74 said:
​

With these three teams in mind, I waited patiently, sending countless PMs around the league. I even hit up BRAB to ask if he could write an article about himself, and he told me he was really angry at nobodies tagging him in their posts to ride on his coattails. Whatever that means. After several minutes in the Hamptons, I heard the door ring for the first time. I opened the door tentatively, hoping for the best....
Click to expand...

Great stuff. This really made me chuckle.

Royals would be rapped right now.
 
I'm gunna take time out of my game Sunday to punch this spud in the neck.

I'm getting genuinely angry about the amount of reading this rookie expects me to do!!!
 
sante said:
I’m sorry to hear you’ve chosen the Royals. But unlike AFLTM, the SFA does have a mid-season trade period, so you’ll be able to join the Dees half way through S26.
Click to expand...
Who have the Demons got that we would accept though?
 

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rfctiger74 said:
I'm gunna take time out of my game Sunday to punch this spud in the neck.

I'm getting genuinely angry about the amount of reading this rookie expects me to do!!!
Click to expand...
Damn right!
 
rfctiger74 said:
I'm gunna take time out of my game Sunday to punch this spud in the neck.

I'm getting genuinely angry about the amount of reading this rookie expects me to do!!!
Click to expand...

If you can't keep up with my master intellect then leave the thread sweetie.
 
kdavva74 said:
If you can't keep up with my master intellect then leave the thread sweetie.
Click to expand...

Dude, my dislike of reading and math has nothing to do with intellect. It's because both have been superceded by tv and calculators, and I refuse to live in the past!!

Enjoy your forecoming neck punching
 
rfctiger74 said:
Dude, my dislike of reading and math has nothing to do with intellect. It's because both have been superceded by tv and calculators, and I refuse to live in the past!!

Enjoy your forecoming neck punching
Click to expand...

I look forward to playing against you.
 
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