Hey
I was just thinking then. It is kind of late and I can not sleep at the moment. I should be sleeping in my bed, snuggling up against a pretty female, but my bed is COLD and EMPTY and it is DEPRESSING to lie in it. I can't help but feel the cause of my emotional PAIN is my favourite childhood teddy bear, Panda Jane.
Panda Jane was a lovely girl. She was big and soft and cuddly and she looked after me when I was afraid to sleep alone. It was very reassuring, when I came home from a hard day at the creche, to see my sweet little Jane sitting next to my pillow with hew dear little paws outstreched, waiting to give me a big cuddle. I forgot all about those bullys and smelly girls at creche when I was on her arms.
In kindergten one day we had a teddybear's picnic and were invited to bring our favourite plush animals along to class. Of course I took Jane with me. This proved to be my first taste of dealing with superficial, judgemental DICKWEEDS. All of the boys commented on the size of poor Panda Jane. Admittedly, she was twice as large as any other teddy bear, but who did these condescending pricks think they were, talking that kind of rubbish to our faces? She was a big girl and she had a lot of love to give. The boys didn't understand, with their little botique trophy bears tucked neatly under their arms like ****ing ornaments. The joke was on them though; the girls appreciated my sensitive side. I even got invited to Jessica Black's birthday party, and she let me play with her hair during class one time. We all learned a valuable lesson that day, I think.
We went through a difficult week back in grade 2 thanks to me succumbing to peer group pressure, admittedly. Our next door neighbour came over to play one afternoon and caught me watching Sesame Street. "Do you STILL watch this kiddie stuff Valentino?" he asked.
He was 1 year and a half older than me and LOVED ripping on me whenever he outgrew a part of his childhood. So I got defensive and made an excuse (ie: I wasn't watching the TV, I was playing in the lounge room and the TV just happened to be tuned in to Sesame Street). Our neighbour scoffed and landed a killer blow: "pfft. You probably still sleep with a TEDDY BEAR."
From that moment on I renounced Sesame Street, Play School and possibly Fat Cat if it was still being broadcast by that point. And I packed poor old Panda Jane away, with all the other stuffed animals, in the back of my wardrobe. I was a big boy now. Or so I thought.
This lasted for all of 1 week. My nights were empty and lonely. I tried hugging my pillow but ended up waking with a stiff neck. My bed was too big for a seven year old to be sleeping in it alone. I couldn't take it. One night, I got up out of bed, found Panda Jane and took her back to lay with me. Of course, she accepted me with her open arms. Our embrace was as profound and meaningful as anything I had ever felt.
The next day in school I could not get Panda Jane out of my head. Her unconditional love and generosity had left me confused and infatuated. I could smell her scent on my skin, and was unable to concentrate on my school work.
Over the coming weeks I began to go to bed earlier and earlier, even before A Country Practice had finished. Happiness was a warm panda, but happiness came at a cost. My schooling continued to suffer. I stopped hanging out with my friends at the local park in favour of taking an afternoon nap. It was at around this time that I began to learn a little about sex.
My understanding was thus: A man lies naked on top of a woman and rubs his penis on her groinal axis until orgasm. I should point out at this time that I did not know of the existance of the vagina. I had been dealing with my orgasms in private for years previous, and had decided that the time was nigh to share these wonderful experiences with that special female in my life. As always, Panda Jane's demeanor was outwardly accommodating. It seemed like the right thing to do.
However, from the moment I pulled my pyjamas down, I knew it most certainly was not the right thing to do. But it was too late to pull out, so to speak. Her button eyes glazed cold and emotionless as she lie there staring at the ceiling while I awkwardly fumbled around on top of her. Finally, I rolled off her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, but she did not recipricate. I held her close, more in fear of her leaving than any desire to have her there with me. Not for the last time, I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I packed her away again in my wardrobe, this time for good. I tried to recreate the magic with the other teddy bears, most disgustingly with Jane's sister Gemma (she was orange and white, rather than black and white, but otherwise identical), but it only served to make things worse. I had crossed a line that should never have been crossed, and my punishment was to prematurely stop sleeping with teddy bears, years before I was ready to. I was forced in to the beds of the girls from school (the attractive ones) to try and recreate the feeling, but the feeling was fleeting. On the nights I spent alone I felt cold and lonesome until I learned to deal with the pain, to pretend it wasn't there.
It was this pain that I felt for those months it took me to readjust that I am feeling now. The pain of being alone in a place where you are not used to being alone. And it hurts deep.
Sorry that was a bit long winded.
What I meant to say was:
Do you think that the only reason, or at least one of the main reasons, people like snuggling up to other people, even when sex is not on offer, is because we have been programmed as children to depend on comfort in the night via plush toys?
Do children really need teddies? Should they have ever been invented if all they end up doing is psychologically ruining us as adults? Making us latch on to people because we're AFRAID of facing things alone, turning us in to sissies. You know how girls always have to do things together, like go to the bathroom etc? That probably goes back to their early years as teddies. Men would go to the bathroom together too but that is frowned upon and we are too scared to ask each other.
Anyway what are your thoughts? If you have anything you'd like to add on this subject, please post it here thanks
I was just thinking then. It is kind of late and I can not sleep at the moment. I should be sleeping in my bed, snuggling up against a pretty female, but my bed is COLD and EMPTY and it is DEPRESSING to lie in it. I can't help but feel the cause of my emotional PAIN is my favourite childhood teddy bear, Panda Jane.
Panda Jane was a lovely girl. She was big and soft and cuddly and she looked after me when I was afraid to sleep alone. It was very reassuring, when I came home from a hard day at the creche, to see my sweet little Jane sitting next to my pillow with hew dear little paws outstreched, waiting to give me a big cuddle. I forgot all about those bullys and smelly girls at creche when I was on her arms.
In kindergten one day we had a teddybear's picnic and were invited to bring our favourite plush animals along to class. Of course I took Jane with me. This proved to be my first taste of dealing with superficial, judgemental DICKWEEDS. All of the boys commented on the size of poor Panda Jane. Admittedly, she was twice as large as any other teddy bear, but who did these condescending pricks think they were, talking that kind of rubbish to our faces? She was a big girl and she had a lot of love to give. The boys didn't understand, with their little botique trophy bears tucked neatly under their arms like ****ing ornaments. The joke was on them though; the girls appreciated my sensitive side. I even got invited to Jessica Black's birthday party, and she let me play with her hair during class one time. We all learned a valuable lesson that day, I think.
We went through a difficult week back in grade 2 thanks to me succumbing to peer group pressure, admittedly. Our next door neighbour came over to play one afternoon and caught me watching Sesame Street. "Do you STILL watch this kiddie stuff Valentino?" he asked.
He was 1 year and a half older than me and LOVED ripping on me whenever he outgrew a part of his childhood. So I got defensive and made an excuse (ie: I wasn't watching the TV, I was playing in the lounge room and the TV just happened to be tuned in to Sesame Street). Our neighbour scoffed and landed a killer blow: "pfft. You probably still sleep with a TEDDY BEAR."
From that moment on I renounced Sesame Street, Play School and possibly Fat Cat if it was still being broadcast by that point. And I packed poor old Panda Jane away, with all the other stuffed animals, in the back of my wardrobe. I was a big boy now. Or so I thought.
This lasted for all of 1 week. My nights were empty and lonely. I tried hugging my pillow but ended up waking with a stiff neck. My bed was too big for a seven year old to be sleeping in it alone. I couldn't take it. One night, I got up out of bed, found Panda Jane and took her back to lay with me. Of course, she accepted me with her open arms. Our embrace was as profound and meaningful as anything I had ever felt.
The next day in school I could not get Panda Jane out of my head. Her unconditional love and generosity had left me confused and infatuated. I could smell her scent on my skin, and was unable to concentrate on my school work.
Over the coming weeks I began to go to bed earlier and earlier, even before A Country Practice had finished. Happiness was a warm panda, but happiness came at a cost. My schooling continued to suffer. I stopped hanging out with my friends at the local park in favour of taking an afternoon nap. It was at around this time that I began to learn a little about sex.
My understanding was thus: A man lies naked on top of a woman and rubs his penis on her groinal axis until orgasm. I should point out at this time that I did not know of the existance of the vagina. I had been dealing with my orgasms in private for years previous, and had decided that the time was nigh to share these wonderful experiences with that special female in my life. As always, Panda Jane's demeanor was outwardly accommodating. It seemed like the right thing to do.
However, from the moment I pulled my pyjamas down, I knew it most certainly was not the right thing to do. But it was too late to pull out, so to speak. Her button eyes glazed cold and emotionless as she lie there staring at the ceiling while I awkwardly fumbled around on top of her. Finally, I rolled off her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, but she did not recipricate. I held her close, more in fear of her leaving than any desire to have her there with me. Not for the last time, I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I packed her away again in my wardrobe, this time for good. I tried to recreate the magic with the other teddy bears, most disgustingly with Jane's sister Gemma (she was orange and white, rather than black and white, but otherwise identical), but it only served to make things worse. I had crossed a line that should never have been crossed, and my punishment was to prematurely stop sleeping with teddy bears, years before I was ready to. I was forced in to the beds of the girls from school (the attractive ones) to try and recreate the feeling, but the feeling was fleeting. On the nights I spent alone I felt cold and lonesome until I learned to deal with the pain, to pretend it wasn't there.
It was this pain that I felt for those months it took me to readjust that I am feeling now. The pain of being alone in a place where you are not used to being alone. And it hurts deep.
Sorry that was a bit long winded.
What I meant to say was:
Do you think that the only reason, or at least one of the main reasons, people like snuggling up to other people, even when sex is not on offer, is because we have been programmed as children to depend on comfort in the night via plush toys?
Do children really need teddies? Should they have ever been invented if all they end up doing is psychologically ruining us as adults? Making us latch on to people because we're AFRAID of facing things alone, turning us in to sissies. You know how girls always have to do things together, like go to the bathroom etc? That probably goes back to their early years as teddies. Men would go to the bathroom together too but that is frowned upon and we are too scared to ask each other.
Anyway what are your thoughts? If you have anything you'd like to add on this subject, please post it here thanks
