Society & Culture Do the people around you take pleasure in your success?

[mouncey2franklin]

Friends, family, colleagues, housemates: do the people in your life actually want you to do well for yourself?

Are they happy for you when you are happy? Are they genuinely delighted to see you enjoying your own success?

Or do they seem to be ambivalent about your fortunes? Disinterested in engaging with your life narrative?

Is it possible that perhaps some of them secretly want you to fail?

Is it possible some of them might even take delight in seeing you crash and burn, your dreams collapse?

Recently it has occurred to me that there may be some truly s**t people in my life. As though the veil has been lifted, and now that I have achieved certain milestones in my life journey, their true sentiments towards me are finally becoming more clear. If this is the case, if those in my life do not truly wish me well, then it is nobody's fault but my own. Cultivating a strong and supportive (real life) social network is an important element of a happy and meaningful life, and if it is the case that I don't actually have one of those, then it simply means that I have invested my time and energy poorly in this regard up until this point in my life.

So now I ask you, my dear bigfooty brethren: do the people around you take pleasure in your success?

Or is it now the norm for the average person to be surrounded by crabs in a bucket -- people who, deep down, actually want us to fail whenever we aim for something more than the average life?

 

[akkaps]

I take pleasure in my parents success, which results in them being able to buy me things.

 

[Thegibbsgamble]

No matter how much you respect someone. How much you trust them or how often you accept thier advice. You're probably going to learn the hard way that people's energy does not lie when you succeed.

If I could convince you of this fact I would save you a lot of a heartache. If I could convince you to cut and run, it would probably be the best advice you've listened to.

But you're probably not going to acknowledge it until you've been hurt

 

[perthblue]

No, and why should they? My success isn't theirs. Nor are my failures.

 

[Run n Spread]

No, and why should they? My success isn't theirs. Nor are my failures.

True

Friends, family, colleagues, housemates: do the people in your life actually want you to do well for yourself?

Are they happy for you when you are happy? Are they genuinely delighted to see you enjoying your own success?

Or do they seem to be ambivalent about your fortunes? Disinterested in engaging with your life narrative?

Is it possible that perhaps some of them secretly want you to fail?

Is it possible some of them might even take delight in seeing you crash and burn, your dreams collapse?

Recently it has occurred to me that there may be some truly s**t people in my life. As though the veil has been lifted, and now that I have achieved certain milestones in my life journey, their true sentiments towards me are finally becoming more clear. If this is the case, if those in my life do not truly wish me well, then it is nobody's fault but my own. Cultivating a strong and supportive (real life) social network is an important element of a happy and meaningful life, and if it is the case that I don't actually have one of those, then it simply means that I have invested my time and energy poorly in this regard up until this point in my life.

So now I ask you, my dear bigfooty brethren: do the people around you take pleasure in your success?

Or is it now the norm for the average person to be surrounded by crabs in a bucket -- people who, deep down, actually want us to fail whenever we aim for something more than the average life?

But can also be true. It can be harsh but when something significant happens it can scratch the surface as to what people really think. And if success or a milestone moves you away from a box you've been put in then sometimes others don't want you to succeed

 

[PT Bar None]

**** no

 

[mouncey2franklin]

No, and why should they? My success isn't theirs. Nor are my failures.

Why should the people around you be happy for you when you succeed?

Things may be worse than I thought.

 

[perthblue]

Why should the people around you be happy for you when you succeed?

Things may be worse than I thought.

I think I misunderstood, but I think being happy for somebody is different to taking pleasure in their success.
I interpreted 'taking pleasure in your success' to be 'enjoying your success on the same or similar level that you are' which is of course impossible IMO.

 

[William Wonka]

Friends, family, colleagues, housemates: do the people in your life actually want you to do well for yourself?

Are they happy for you when you are happy? Are they genuinely delighted to see you enjoying your own success?

Or do they seem to be ambivalent about your fortunes? Disinterested in engaging with your life narrative?

Is it possible that perhaps some of them secretly want you to fail?

Is it possible some of them might even take delight in seeing you crash and burn, your dreams collapse?

Recently it has occurred to me that there may be some truly s**t people in my life. As though the veil has been lifted, and now that I have achieved certain milestones in my life journey, their true sentiments towards me are finally becoming more clear. If this is the case, if those in my life do not truly wish me well, then it is nobody's fault but my own. Cultivating a strong and supportive (real life) social network is an important element of a happy and meaningful life, and if it is the case that I don't actually have one of those, then it simply means that I have invested my time and energy poorly in this regard up until this point in my life.

So now I ask you, my dear bigfooty brethren: do the people around you take pleasure in your success?

Or is it now the norm for the average person to be surrounded by crabs in a bucket -- people who, deep down, actually want us to fail whenever we aim for something more than the average life?

"Whenever a friend succeeds I die a little inside"- Gore Vidal

 

[Hawk Dork]

I measure my success differently to most people so I really dont pay much attention

 

[Aussie_boy]

What's success?

To be honest people are so self-centered these days that the likely answer is no. Success to most people seems to be having 500 instagram followers and snapchats coming in every 2 minutes.

 

[revo333]

Certain family members resented it when i did well in sport.

 

[Procrastinator35]

Oz is a tall-poppy culture.....In my experience it tends to only happen in professional circles.....Your partner is also there for such things as emotional support.

However, as Carl Jung noted.

'What's that you say?....You've had a promotion?....Better ring the mortuary then.'

 

[Bomberboyokay]

Oz is a tall-poppy culture.....In my experience it tends to only happen in professional circles.....Your partner is also there for such things as emotional support.

However, as Carl Jung noted.

'What's that you say?....You've had a promotion?....Better ring the mortuary then.'

Is it? Really? It seems to me "tall poppy syndrome" only comes up when somebody famous or powerful has ****ed up in a major way and is trying to divert attention from their upcoming criminal trial.

 

[perthblue]

I think Australia and the west in general has whatever the opposite of tall poppy syndrome is.

 

[Bomberboyokay]

Person who should've known better: "What's going on now... it's really tall poppy syndrome."

Journalist: "How do you explain millions of dollars being laundered from your office?"

Person who should've known better later on Twitter: "Trial by media! Australians just cannot accept other people's success. Tall poppy syndrome strikes again."

 

[Hawk Dork]

I think Australia and the west in general has whatever the opposite of tall poppy syndrome is.

Downward envy

 

[MWPP]

Family - unconditionally yes for my immediate family , not so much my extended family
Friends - often do, and the ones who are truly my friends (and with whom I’m closer to than much of my biological family) definitely and unconditionally do
Colleagues (who don’t also happen to be friends) - not so much. Work is a rather competitive and at times frankly toxic environment

As above , the important ones are happy for me when I am and vice versa. Ambivalence or even wishes /attempts to saboutage are things I see within my broader network of certain extended family members, acquaintances and colleagues .

If my family or true friends feel that way then they’re among the best actors in the world .

 

[Procrastinator35]

Is it? Really? It seems to me "tall poppy syndrome" only comes up when somebody famous or powerful has ****** up in a major way and is trying to divert attention from their upcoming criminal trial.

Nah.

Go to any pub & you'll quickly find any braggart or loud-mouthed full of hubris, is soon put back in their box....Or any work-site for that matter.

The Blue-collar workforce is fundamentally characteristic of an egalitarian ethic.

 

[DidakDelight]

I am guilty of this especially about people (friends or family) who always talk about themselves.

I will happily celebrate humble people who achieve good things.

Most people are the same.

 

[Run n Spread]

I think I misunderstood, but I think being happy for somebody is different to taking pleasure in their success.
I interpreted 'taking pleasure in your success' to be 'enjoying your success on the same or similar level that you are' which is of course impossible IMO.

That can never be possible.

I'd take a simple Well done or cool or that sounds interesting above any over the top histrionics. But when people snipe or try to actively discourage a certain endeavour you know you have problems.

 

[Andre]

Family yes, friends don’t really advertise successes or failures. I think outside family (and even that I’d say parents generally want kids to succeed, but siblings with the qualifier to follow).

I think for friends and potentially siblings it’s ‘as long as it’s not TOO successful’. If it’s something they aren’t interested in and/or doing themselves then they are happy for your successes. If you are successful in an area they are also wanting success in, then if your success is too much, then envy starts to appear.

 

[Shell]

Family yes, friends don’t really advertise successes or failures. I think outside family (and even that I’d say parents generally want kids to succeed, but siblings with the qualifier to follow).

I think for friends and potentially siblings it’s ‘as long as it’s not TOO successful’. If it’s something they aren’t interested in and/or doing themselves then they are happy for your successes. If you are successful in an area they are also wanting success in, then if your success is too much, then envy starts to appear.

Same. My cousins are doing better than me easily- money wise. One has a merc and lives on the beach, the other has a family and takes os holidays every year and their kids go to rich af private schools.

You wouldnt even know it everyone is down to earth and theres no jealousy from my end, at all.

 

[Coolangatta]

What's success?

To be honest people are so self-centered these days that the likely answer is no. Success to most people seems to be having 500 instagram followers and snapchats coming in every 2 minutes.

Waking up next to Karen Gillan on a regular basis.

Which makes me a failure.

Seriously, though, agreed. Would be interesting if no one knew how many followers or likes they had but the argument against it I read was that artists wouldn't be able to know whether people like their content or not without the like button.

 

[craigos]

Waking up next to Karen Gillan on a regular basis.

Which makes me a failure.

Seriously, though, agreed. Would be interesting if no one knew how many followers or likes they had but the argument against it I read was that artists wouldn't be able to know whether people like their content or not without the like button.

I haven't watched the show since Amy Pond left