PhenomenalV1
The Deletion Artist
- Jan 3, 2017
- 11,832
- 24,292
- AFL Club
- Carlton
- Other Teams
- Dragons FFC, Matt Hardy
I'm often asked a lot of questions about my role in the SFA. Sometimes I get told to retire or receive hollow threats, but the one question I get asked is "Why haven't you posted the next SFA Game Show?"
The answer to that is simple: I am a master procrastinator.
That and the contestants keep getting too busy to write their banter...
Anyway, I've decided to become the SFA's resident medical expert, despite the fact that all of my education has been in the arts.
It can't be that hard, can it?
This time around, I'll be looking at a few select posters, and the addictions that have taken hold of them, and offer a solution to help them on the road to recovery.
Tony Lynn 15: Addicted to deep fried foods
Believe it or not, this is a light snack for Uncle Tony
Prognosis: Arguably the most notable addiction in the SFA, Uncle Tony's addiction appears to be so deep seated that he's unable to function without consuming deep fried food, like a robot powered by scraps from a buffet Bain Marie. His enormous appetite coupled with his addiction means that unless he kicks the habit, KohPhi might have to arrange a funeral for Tony as well as his captaincy...
Cure: Tony should immediately go on a diet of nothing but kale, quinoa, and spinach if he wants to reach middle age.
WFL: Addicted to anger
This is WFL's neutral expression
Prognosis: As we've seen over the past few weeks, WFL seems to be perpetually angry as of late, to the point where it might be becoming a hazard to himself and those around him. If he doesn't work things out quickly, his brain might very well literally boil with rage, killing him.
Cure: WFL should take measures to keep calm. Get a massage. Meditate. Take up a hobby. Practice a spiritual philosophy like Mattitude. I'm sure if he takes these steps, he'll be feeling better in no time!
Noobz0r: Addicted to feeling superior
Noobz0r, pictured after seeing himself tagged
Prognosis: To the average person, it might seem that there's nothing wrong with Noobz, but they'd be wrong. Like many addicts, Noobz0r has developed the ability to hide his symptoms from the world, but his attitude gives him away to the trained eye. His need to feel superior is slowly but surely making his head bigger, and affecting his balance. If not treated, Noobz might very well end up as a giant head with stumpy noodle-like arms and legs.
Cure: Time away from the media spotlight should reduce the head swelling, and help Noobz realise that he's just like every other poster in the SFA: desperate for attention.
At least I admit it...
TJASTA: Addicted to clopping
An artists rendition of TJASTA
Prognosis: For those who don't know what "clopping" means, be thankful. Be very, very, very thankful. Anyway, TJASTA is addicted to this kind of...niche pornography, and it's paramount for Furies leadership to get him to kick this habit asap, or else he might be doomed...
Cure: Take him away from his computer, delete all those explicit fanfics, and lock him in a padded cell for a week. Alternatively, have him take up Mattitude, which will cleanse his mind of impure thoughts.
That's all for now, see you next time I'm procrastinating over the game shows!
Ophidian Old Boys
