Does my son really want to work?

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Copeland

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Sep 18, 2009
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Having trouble with my 19yo son. Wants get a trainee-ship in IT, but there's not a lot around. Wont do factory work and doesn't spend many hours a week looking for work. But he does spend up to 12hrs a day on his pc. He did get a job at JB HIFI but they put him off saying because they just put a manager on there was not enough work for him, but I think it may be his work ethic. He works with me occasionally at a service station and does the bare minimum, I'm afraid it will permanently damage our relationship because I'm always on his back. I have given him 3 months to get a job or he will loose his pc but he hasn't changed his ways. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 

buzzbuzz

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Feb 7, 2009
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This sounds like me. I wanted to be a professional, and I went to university but studied Arts. I spent 6 months after my degree unemployed, living with my parents. I applied for admin jobs but couldn't get any, and to be honest I didn't want any. I wanted a good job that I enjoyed and I refused to apply for factory work. My Dad loaned me $200 to setup my own website because I had wanted to be a writer, and I started writing reviews of movies, music, TV etc. 4 or 5 months later I got my first full-time job in online marketing, and 3 months into that I took over writing for the entire company. Having received an average performance review and feeling unappreciated, I applied for what seemed to be a dream job. 2 years later I'm still there, earning enough to rent an apartment by myself and literally never have to worry about how much money I have in my bank account.

My point? Find out what he really really wants to do and help him in any way you can. You'll get paid back many times in return.

Just my two cents.
 

Copeland

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He says all he's wanted to do is work with computers and not really interested in anything else. I explained to him you really don't know what these other jobs are like until you try them and he may not even like working in IT, his mates tell do tell him its boring. And this was the scenario with his JB hifi job, a IT traineeship came up but he didn't even go for it because he was happy at JB. I think it was more that he was only doing 20-25 hours a week which gave him enough money and still plenty of time for gaming. We tell him places we think of where he could try putting hie resume but he does not rush into it or even go to some of them. He seems to think its the job of the employment agency and he'd be just wasting his time. So at the moment he has 2 hours a week with me at a service station, where he has the manager as his referee. Not sure if this a good idea as he's late too often and has just received a warning for a stuff up on the till where he gave a customer $100 too much. While he was at JB we lent him $8000 to get himself some transport, so now he has a car he has to maintain as well and a loan to service, but unfortunately Centrelink have started to give him money and he seems quite comfortable with this life style.
One thing is, I'm very happy he's not out getting into drugs and getting pissed as nit frequently like I was at his age.
BTW thanks for your input buzzbuzz.
I do remember his IT teacher saying he'll probably end up making more money than you and me out together.
 

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Sydney Bloods

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Mate the answer is make him fend for himself a bit charge the bugger board. And don't lend him any money end of the day that's the best motivator.
 

Copeland

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We charge him$50 bucks a week now, plus $150 a week for his loan. We lent him so much for a car, because he wanted to visit his gf in College 4 hours away and we wanted a safe car with airbags, cruise control etc. He has money in the bank from the JB job, maybe when that's exhausted he'll move his arse.
 

Temploar

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This might seem to be a good time to bring up my cousin, he's like your son Copeland

Stays in his room all day on his PC and doesn't wan't to go to school or get a job, he's only 17 though.
I think he had a job at like a KFC or something and quit after 8 or so months and who blames him working in the fast food industry is terrible i remember my first job was at a McDonalds :p So anyway he barely goes to school and won't get off his ass to find a job just like your son, i know your son is older and on some kind of payment from Centrelink however i think you should keep pushing him to go and get something because he's just wasting his life away just sitting there doing nothing and even if he thinks its okay you have to tell him your not going to be around forever to provide him support and when he does get older he's going to have nothing to rely on (unless he wins the lotto or something else inconceiveable) so just keep pushing mate tell him his dream job is not going to walk up to his face because everyone else had to start at the bottom as well.
 

vjknight

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interesting thread. i in left school in 82 and walked into a bank teller job - awful money. 4 years of that and.......an opportunity arose in what was the fledgling ATM/EFT world at the bank. worked in IT for the next 20 years. nothing but on the job training. it feels like im still living off Y2K sometimes. :D

the moral of the story - get any job in a business, preferably large, which somehow caters to your desired job. it might be stacking shelves for woolies. not because youre stacking shelves, but because youre IN this huge multi faceted business with department(s) that do cater to your needs. its always a lot easier from the inside.
find a business with top quality training programs, preferably in-house. try to avoid the need to earn the most in your peer group. it usually leads to nothing.
subsequent opportunities arise where you show your ability to work with others, to follow instructions, to turn up on time, to be trusted - all that sh*t that does mean something to an employer.
 

TradeDraft

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interesting thread. i in left school in 82 and walked into a bank teller job - awful money. 4 years of that and.......an opportunity arose in what was the fledgling ATM/EFT world at the bank. worked in IT for the next 20 years. nothing but on the job training. it feels like im still living off Y2K sometimes. :D

the moral of the story - get any job in a business, preferably large, which somehow caters to your desired job. it might be stacking shelves for woolies. not because youre stacking shelves, but because youre IN this huge multi faceted business with department(s) that do cater to your needs. its always a lot easier from the inside.
find a business with top quality training programs, preferably in-house. try to avoid the need to earn the most in your peer group. it usually leads to nothing.
subsequent opportunities arise where you show your ability to work with others, to follow instructions, to turn up on time, to be trusted - all that sh*t that does mean something to an employer.
Don't Forget to be a Brown Noser
 

vjknight

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Don't Forget to be a Brown Noser
dont knock what you havent tried dave. :rolleyes:

i'll paraphrase what others have said - take a risk and accept a shitty, low paid, bad hours job, just to get some experience & exposure to other people. you cannot spend your entire life with mum & dad. reward them for their efforts in getting you to this stage in life, despite your disability, and prove you can contribute to your own existence, without the pension always being the excuse. you just might find its great fun too.
i see plenty of aspi's in everyday life. they go to work, get thru the good & bad days, and go home at night.
just give it a try. and if it fails, try again, and again.
 

Copeland

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sh*t has hit the fan he hasn't been out for a while looking for work and I cracked the shits. Belted his monitor on to the floor the took the modem out side and smashed it on the concrete. Now i've moved out and are living in a motel:(
 

DThomas

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I don't really have anything to add other than to say that I hope that's the wake up call your son needs. Obviously if you have to resort to that then you must be pretty damn frustrated. You are his Dad after all, and if he has any respect then he will get off his backside and look for work.

I hope everything works out for you. He'll be pissed off, but I reckon in the future he will thank you for giving him the kick up the backside.
 

TradeDraft

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sh*t has hit the fan he hasn't been out for a while looking for work and I cracked the shits. Belted his monitor on to the floor the took the modem out side and smashed it on the concrete. Now i've moved out and are living in a motel:(
That is Taking it Too Far Mate.

I can see your are Frustrated but going cracking the Shits and Breaking his Stuff would make him just Resent You
 

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Swooop

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That is Taking it Too Far Mate.

I can see your are Frustrated but going cracking the Shits and Breaking his Stuff would make him just Resent You

It's a tough gig being a Dad sometimes TD - kids like this can just push you like you wouldn't believe.

Feel for you Copeland.

These ads you see, earn $500 + per day from home on your computer - anyone know what the go is with them?
 

TradeDraft

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It's a tough gig being a Dad sometimes TD - kids like this can just push you like you wouldn't believe.

Feel for you Copeland.

These ads you see, earn $500 + per day from home on your computer - anyone know what the go is with them?
There Cons Jobs Swoop as I can't believe using your Computer can get you 500+ per day.

We a least Copeland didn't Give him a Kick Up the Ass like you could say he Deserves
 

vjknight

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There Cons Jobs Swoop as I can't believe using your Computer can get you 500+ per day.

We a least Copeland didn't Give him a Kick Up the arse like you could say he Deserves
dave - develop an APP that allows people to manage the volume of APPS they have on a small HD iphone/ipad etc.
its a bugger needing to tick/untick/sync every time because you have too many APPS.
as far as im aware the portable wireless HDD dont carry APPS, just music/photo/doc files etc.
 

Quicky

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sh*t has hit the fan he hasn't been out for a while looking for work and I cracked the shits. Belted his monitor on to the floor the took the modem out side and smashed it on the concrete. Now i've moved out and are living in a motel:(
Why are you the one in a motel?

Probably not the most constructive way to get his attention but then I'm not in your situation and can't appreciate the frustration you are going through.

I wonder if making him pay his way properly is the go. $50 a week rent seems like mates rates although I don't know what the rent is like up Mildura way, I hear pretty cheap.

Just a thought and probably not really the solution but might be something to help.
 

Copeland

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His shift is only 2 hours a week so cant charge him too much, anyway he's out of money. I haven't even spoken to my wife yet, she was very unimpressed with my outrage and was crying, she hasn't even text me, so I guess she blames me. Ive just completely run out of patients with my kids, they rarely do as they're asked. My wife is soft so I'm always made to look the prick.I went back into the house today to get some gear whilst no one was home and they've got the pc up an running already, so much for that plan. I'm in the Motel because I just had to get out of there now I don't know what to do.
 

TradeDraft

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Why are you the one in a motel?

Probably not the most constructive way to get his attention but then I'm not in your situation and can't appreciate the frustration you are going through.

I wonder if making him pay his way properly is the go. $50 a week rent seems like mates rates although I don't know what the rent is like up Mildura way, I hear pretty cheap.

Just a thought and probably not really the solution but might be something to help.
Sounds like His Misses Kicked him out.

Well Could they just take or his Benfits and say we will A lot you little bits of it when needed
 

TradeDraft

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His shift is only 2 hours a week so cant charge him too much, anyway he's out of money. I haven't even spoken to my wife yet, she was very unimpressed with my outrage and was crying, she hasn't even text me, so I guess she blames me. Ive just completely run out of patients with my kids, they rarely do as they're asked. My wife is soft so I'm always made to look the prick.I went back into the house today to get some gear whilst no one was home and they've got the pc up an running already, so much for that plan. I'm in the Motel because I just had to get out of there now I don't know what to do.
Well sounds like you just want to leave your Family and get away from them. As you sound like your Sick of your Wife and your Kids.

I also worry about you Sainty as you sound like you could have a Nervous Breakdown if not already.

Sounds Like you have some Big Decisions to be made.
 

Copeland

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No Dave my wife did not kick me out, I removed myself to defuse the situation, but I don't know what my next step is. I guess I'll go back home tomorrow.

Dave you are so wise. Can you please refrain from any more comments
 

TradeDraft

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No Dave my wife did not kick me out, I removed myself to defuse the situation, but I don't know what my next step is. I guess I'll go back home tomorrow.
Okay that is good then and Removing Yourself sounded a good idea as you sound you where very Round Up and You would not want to do Something Really Silly.

Well sounds like you and wife need to come up with a Plan because you doing 2 different things does not really do much as he would just go to your Wife and Sook.

Good Luck with getting a Good/Peaceful Resolution
 

DThomas

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You can't hide forever, so I'd suggest going back home, and having a serious face to face conversation with him.

I'm not an expert on this, and I've never been in this situation (I'm a bit of a workaholic myself, and always have been), but make sure there are no distractions, so he can't just get up and leave. Explain all the things you are feeling and that it drove you to do what you did. Let him know that you did it only because you love him and want to help him.

It will be hard, but it's what you need to do. And be as calm and as understanding as you possibly can be. Don't get angry with him. Listen to him when he talks and don't lose your cool. Sometimes just listening to what he has to say is the best thing. Don't scoff at anything he says, even if you disagree with him.

I'm assuming he loves the Pies too? You could bond with him, after having a talk, over the match tomorrow night.
 

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