Does my son really want to work?
- Thread starter Copeland
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Manic Magpie
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Maybe time will change him. Or an employer will give him an ultimatum and force or persuade a change. Now that he is working give yourself a break. Don't worry about him more than he does about himself. Take a seat in the back and let him drive for a bit while you enjoy the scenery.
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I've just read the thread, hopefully now you can relax Copeland and focus on yourself. If you get yourself in a happy frame of mind your relationship with those close to you with only strengthen.
Manic Magpie
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Not every child needs to graduate VCE with flying colours and flow straight into a job or a course. There are other avenues to success. If you tap into an interest in them, and they run with the idea, it fits into a lifestyle and combines an interest with a career, suddenly the horizon of their world extends in breadth and depth, even while their focus narrows to the skills required for success in their chosen field.
Hopefully your son will become passionate about his work and be driven by pride and commitment. It' a good result for you and your boy, and torpedoes any negative thoughts about him that may otherwise have developed. Instead you can fill his head with positive vibes and feedback. Nice one!
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Fantastic news Copes, couldn't be more happy for both you and your lad.
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Great to hear mate. I'm sure it isn't easy being a parent, but this must be one of the days that it feels pretty good.
I'm sure one day you and your son will look back, thank each other and have a good laugh about it all.
I'm sure one day you and your son will look back, thank each other and have a good laugh about it all.
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Nice one Copeland! All the best to him.
pies1958
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That's great news Copeland. I hope he sticks at it.
I'm unfortunately into a tough situation at the moment. It was my son's first year out of high school last year and he went straight into an arts degree - which he hated. He stopped going after a couple of weeks but didn't tell anyone and only pretended he was going. So we all kept giving him money until around September we realised he wasn't going and he owned up. I didn't tell him off much. I thought, ok, he's a teenager, he didn't like uni. that's fine, uni is not for everyone. So he came and lived with me because his mum was getting cranky with him lounging around the house all the time. I helped him get a job within a couple of weeks. A traineeship in hospitality. And he had that for 4 months until January this year. During that time he didn't take his job seriously and went out partying all the time and missed a lot of shifts and eventually was sacked. I was furious. But he didn't tell anyone he got sacked. I suspected it and rang his work and they told me. I tried to talk to him about his behaviour and he just had so much attitude. I know it's tough but when you're a teenager but I was starting to not get a good picture of him because he lied about uni last year and never went, basically wasted a whole year. And now he got the sack from his job and has been unemployed for two months and he is not even trying to get a job.
He wanted to move all his stuff from his mother's and move in with me permanently but I said I needed a break and that he should go back to his mother's. I was angry with him and he wouldn't talk to me so I felt I was left with no choice.
I'm unfortunately into a tough situation at the moment. It was my son's first year out of high school last year and he went straight into an arts degree - which he hated. He stopped going after a couple of weeks but didn't tell anyone and only pretended he was going. So we all kept giving him money until around September we realised he wasn't going and he owned up. I didn't tell him off much. I thought, ok, he's a teenager, he didn't like uni. that's fine, uni is not for everyone. So he came and lived with me because his mum was getting cranky with him lounging around the house all the time. I helped him get a job within a couple of weeks. A traineeship in hospitality. And he had that for 4 months until January this year. During that time he didn't take his job seriously and went out partying all the time and missed a lot of shifts and eventually was sacked. I was furious. But he didn't tell anyone he got sacked. I suspected it and rang his work and they told me. I tried to talk to him about his behaviour and he just had so much attitude. I know it's tough but when you're a teenager but I was starting to not get a good picture of him because he lied about uni last year and never went, basically wasted a whole year. And now he got the sack from his job and has been unemployed for two months and he is not even trying to get a job.
He wanted to move all his stuff from his mother's and move in with me permanently but I said I needed a break and that he should go back to his mother's. I was angry with him and he wouldn't talk to me so I felt I was left with no choice.
Copeland
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pies1958 Its really tough isn't in mate. I think you really have to wait until he wants to work, this will be very frustrating. I see these young guys we employ and most don't give a s**t. As they have advised me here, don't give him any money and he'll probably only be happy if he's in a job he likes. I'm talking here about my son and thats all the advice I know that may help.
Good luck mate.
Good luck mate.
pies1958
Team Captain
Thanks. Yeah, it's tough. Money is an issue. But I think if I just give him money all the time (like I have done since he finished VCE at the end of 2012) he will have no motivation to get a job. I am still paying his mobile phone bill every month cos I figure that's useful in getting a job. But that's it. I figure if he needs money to get to job interviews or whatever, I'll top up his Myki card. His mum is ticked off with me because I think she thought he had moved out for good. But the thing is, how does he think he can be independent without a job? And I said to his mum, he can come live with me but only if he gets a job and keeps it. It broke my heart to say that but I work from a home office and if he was home all day I would hassle him every day. The day he got fired from his job (which I didn't know at the time) I was so angry with him because I knew he had a shift and he didn't go because he was still drunk from the night before and had only been in bed two hours. I wanted to throw water in his face! I wish I had have. Sometimes I think we're all too soft with ours kids these days seriously. It wasn't like that was a one-off. Of course teenagers should have fun and be sociable. It's only a problem if that's their whole life and they can't keep a job.
Copeland
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pies1958 start a thread, many people will help. You have to cut back the money you give him, make sure he cant afford grog etc. If you read this entire thread, you'll see I did a bit more than throw water in his face and it really changed nothing but I was so pissed off. Get him to do jobs around the house and if he doesn't take something away, ie-the internet.
Pies mate I have been through pretty much EXACTLY the same thing as you might have read much earlier in the thread, by all means cut back on the money you give him and that will add its own pressure to do something about always being broke but keep on being supportive in other ways, back him whenever he wants to try something.
I know it made me feel like a dill falling for my son's little schemes and such but its either back him and be supportive or risk the very real chance of him drifting into an aimless life with no real future.
I know it made me feel like a dill falling for my son's little schemes and such but its either back him and be supportive or risk the very real chance of him drifting into an aimless life with no real future.
Jabso
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This might be a bit controversial and cynical but being sorta young myself there is way too much pressure on getting into uni and deciding what you want to to do before high school ends which frightened the s**t out of me. You should figure it out in uni really, that's what arts degrees should be for.
Secondly there is pressure in the workforce and in other places to love your job and have a passion for your job. It's great if you can do what you love or do something creatively stimulating but not everyone can do it. There are some jobs where people are ******* kidding themselves when they say they have a passion for it and it can be intimidating going up against your peers who seem to have a career plan and have so much enthusiasm and you may think to yourself how can I live up to these blokes (who are 80% of the time faking it). As long as it challenges you and you do your job and you work hard that should be enough. Unfortunately it isn't. You have to pretend to be passionate. Some jobs, are just that, jobs. No one was born to be an accountant. You work to live, not live to work. I think somehow companies, schools and unis should kind of reach out and say that's OK. If you truly can't stand it you can always change, it's never, never too late.
This/my generation have also had ideas that you have to be passionate, you have to love what you do for a living, you have to have ambition to rise to the top crammed into their head for so long that once you something isn't all it's cracked up to be some people may get apprehensive about what they're doing and think they deserve more. After all it's what the education system lately is telling them to do.
Secondly there is pressure in the workforce and in other places to love your job and have a passion for your job. It's great if you can do what you love or do something creatively stimulating but not everyone can do it. There are some jobs where people are ******* kidding themselves when they say they have a passion for it and it can be intimidating going up against your peers who seem to have a career plan and have so much enthusiasm and you may think to yourself how can I live up to these blokes (who are 80% of the time faking it). As long as it challenges you and you do your job and you work hard that should be enough. Unfortunately it isn't. You have to pretend to be passionate. Some jobs, are just that, jobs. No one was born to be an accountant. You work to live, not live to work. I think somehow companies, schools and unis should kind of reach out and say that's OK. If you truly can't stand it you can always change, it's never, never too late.
This/my generation have also had ideas that you have to be passionate, you have to love what you do for a living, you have to have ambition to rise to the top crammed into their head for so long that once you something isn't all it's cracked up to be some people may get apprehensive about what they're doing and think they deserve more. After all it's what the education system lately is telling them to do.
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TheFreshBanana
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Just out of curiosity, how has he changed around the house?
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Well Good he has Matured a Bit with paying you Rent.
Better pay Rent to you Family then just paying someone’s else’s Mortgage off
chenzthekid
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Just read the whole forum , glad things worked out for you and your son Copeland , sounds like he's absolutely killing it in the i.t field !
76woodenspooners
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Copeland
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Thanks for your inquiry. The other job did work out but he got an IT-traineeship at Taffe now. In his first month he got employee of the month, lol. He gets jobs pretty easily, he interviews very well. He doesnt live in our rental property any more he lives in another house with different mates. Ive split with my wife and I own the rental now and live in it. I love living alone with my cat.
