Media East Side MEdia Presents: (Now With VIDEO!) What The League Needs, It Gets (In Season 33)

[Hate]

*our lawyers tell us that this graphic does not infringe on any copyright ​

Dear Sweet Football Association Community,

​

Ten long and painfully slow days have passed since the Sweet F.A was significantly damaged and the landscape of the competition changed in perpetuity at the hands of merciless renegades - posters who have betrayed the league.

On July 22, 2021 the leader of the East Side Hawks took to the clubs Season 31 team thread to spring a surprise on the wider Sweet F.A community, that the club would be ceasing to operate as is and would be rebranding to the East Side <redacted>. It has been widely suggested that this was done so late in the piece so that they could not be forced in to walking their decision back - this is something we can not confirm, but have been bombarded with messages about. Personally, it is not for us here at East Side MEdia to play Judge on the issue. This announcement was sprung on the East Side Hawks players just weeks earlier, much to their chagrin and incredible shock; for the players of the club had no inkling about a change of such magnitude.

Just to clarify what is being said here - this operation of rebranding the club was shrouded in such secrecy and kept from the wider playing group for many seasons - or so it appears from afar.

Here is a list of posters who knew about the rebranding:

NaturalDisaster - The Administrator, who was approached in an official application on July 2. NaturalDisaster assures our investigative team that he 'asked them a few questions' and after 'thinking' about it he approved the application in less than 24 hours, but the time period which seems awfully short is not the point here.

MWPP - The Captain of an OPPOSITION club and poster who thinks Harry Potter is an appropriate topic in the Sweet F.A... or anywhere.

Zoops - A Rookie that has shown a lot of promise after being hammered for being thrown in the deep end of the Sweet F.A Players Association - beez Trophy voting process by his former captain.

The East Side Hawks Leadership Group - consisting of whoever is listed in their Season 31 team sheet thread.

The Unnamed Captain - who approached me about this matter, before even I knew about it.

Probably a lot of other unrelated players and posters to the East Side Hawks.

Here is a list of posters that had no clue:

Every other poster - including their own playing list.

I guess you could make the case that everyone who should have known, knew and was involved!

​

Speaking of NaturalDisasters. Or NaturalPhenomenalV1s. I don't even know what the appropriate term here is, but let me share with you a poorly told story that sounded a lot better in my head about 2 hours ago.

*the following is a complete fabricated story - none of this happened - and names have been changed to protect the identity of posters.

It was Monday of last week, the East Side MEdia writers were browsing BigFooty, just like real journalists, looking for their next big breaking news story. In the midst of the endless scrolling, trying to get through the constant 'BigFooty is down' page, trawling threads and ignoring BLUEALLTHRU posts, that little red icon popped up - you unpopular folk wouldn't know. Boop, the speakers sounded. In a panic, but with great speed and smoothness, the mouse gets slid across the mouse pad and we open up the message.

Sender: Qobbenfuhrer
Subject: SEND HELP

Content:

'Hello,

Loud noises from the East Coast of Sweet. If you receive this mess-'

'A LOUD NOISE?' shouted one of our employees. With great intrigue, <interjection> christ, I am just now realising what a shocking creative writer I am</interjection> we jumped out of our seats. First order of business? Opening up the Minecraft server - up comes the application, in go the BigFooty server details and off we go... Nop, in true Sweet Minecraft fashion... The server is down. Great, now Qobbenfuhrer is probably stuck inside one of the 40,000 houses he has built without power. After a beer break or two, the server miraculously came back online and off we rushed to see what the issue was.

We reached Qobbenfuhrer, safe and sound. He relays that we should head down to the East Coast of Sweet to check for any changes.

Changes? We were absolutely floored by what we had discovered. Below you will find images retrieved from satellites launched by SASA more than 20 years ago, they depict the change in land from before and after these 'loud noises' were heard.

Sweet - East Coast Before & After weird sounds heard in that general direction.​

Sweet has finally grown a full pair of balloons. I hope Chief will not ban or censor this image.

A new land mass has mysteriously appeared on the East Coast of Sweet. None of us are scientists, so please do not ask anymore questions or insinuate that this was man made over the course of two days for the sole purpose of posting a media thread, thanks. We had to investigate further, so we travelled down to the East of Sweet, which houses the home grounds for the Gumbies FFC in Gumbania and the East Side <redacted> in Punt.

Here is what we discovered.

(I didn't crop this - but it says ' Friend. Welcome to this newly spawned land... You. Know. What. To Do.)​

This land mass appeared to have awful similarities to the home ground of the East Side <redacted>, The Eyrie. It was a mere one block from the Eyrie. In fact, it is - to the t - a direct replica of The Eyrie.

What sorcery is this? What does it mean?

Two signs appear, reading: 'Friend. Welcome to this newly spawned land... You. Know. What. To Do.'

It hit me. I suddenly know what to do and what the spawning of such land means. Sweet Nature is talking right to me.

​

In what has been one of the most fiercely debated topics over the last two to three seasons, expansion is set to rear its ugly head once again and to that I say - you are welcome. The latest two expansion bids were abject disasters of the competition, from the squad lists, the branding, the timing, right through to the handling of the matter. Luckily for all of us at this point in time, you have a world-class, world-leading expert on the matter of expansion and this will not be issue that feature in the following campaign.

Let us start by answering some frequently asked questions:

Expansion, but the league is not ready?
When Sweet Mother Nature gives you a sign, it doesn't matter.

I am sure you were in vigorous opposition to expansion just a few seasons ago?
When Sweet Mother Nature gives you a sign, it doesn't matter.

Surely you can not muster up the required numbers to be approved?
Voted. And Approved.

​

But there is only 21(?) weeks until the end of the season?
When Sweet Mother Nature gives you a sign, it doesn't matter.

Any other questions:
When Sweet Mother Nature gives you a sign, it doesn't matter.

Today, we are here to present to you the latest expansion bid that WILL pass and be a club in Season 33.

CLUB INFORMATION:

Pictured: Club logo - The Filth Wizard says Karnezis_23 created this but can not be certain. Butchered and altered by the East Side MEdia (2021).​

Club Name::
East Side Hwaks - inspired by a little known club tabled in this thread title 'East-Side Hwaks Official Squad' that was created on January 18, 2006. We really think it looks the good, so we think it should really get a run in the Sweet Football Association. In 15 years we will open submission and feedback on if the name should be changed. Be sure to check back in 2036. If we are lucky, we might extend it a bit as our name does not resemble any other club or institution.

Colours:: Green/Lellow

Captain:: Wally *unconfirmed

Home Ground:: The Eeyore

Club Goals: To kick lots of them. Also to build a strong and rich history and in 15 years head out to the paddock, start a fire and throw said strong and rich history in the fire to burn to ashes.

Home Ground:: The Eeyore
The Eeyore has been chosen as the name of the Home Ground. We feel it is a great representation of the state of affairs that have happened in nearby areas in Sweet - sad, depressed, lazy, dull and distressing. We look forward to welcoming all fans. The Home Ground is situated one block to the right side of The Eyrie - a ground that quite frankly, is now overshadowed by such a masterpiece of a field in The Eeyore.

Pictured: The Eyrie before sometime last week with The Eyrie today, overshadowed by The Eeyore.
Ground name conjured from our good friend, Wosh.

CLUB LIST:

1. Headless
2. Pie 4 Life
3. Bastyy
4. Barrybran
5. fumbler
6. GremioPower
7. Dav
8. Mister M
9. PMBangers
10. Strigoi
11. Supersuns
12. Broken
13. The Half Back (Marquee signing)
14. manangatang
<the following spots are reserved for rookies, but as the Administrator is prone to doing whatever, we are happy to plonk anyone with over one game in these spots>
15. Loonerty
16. Wosh
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.

OFFICIAL KIT::

Official Kit designed by Zoops' evil twin, Foops - well, at least the home kit to be worn at The Eeyore.
​

PLEASE POST YOUR INTEREST IN THIS THREAD IF YOU WISH TO JOIN THE EAST SIDE HWAKS. SELECT A NUMBER AND PREFERRED POSITION.

The following players are not welcome and will be thread banned instantly (upon approval of the Moderators, of course, because we don't actually have that power...):

Chipbunk, Smagent93, Soops, MERP, NaturalDumbarse, and anyone else who has wronged the Sweet F.A in the last 20 days.

You will also be awarded our new club badge to pin on your BigFooty profile. The powers that be have already, out of sheer confidence added it to the BigFooty Sweet F.A Medals section:

Cheers and go the Hwaks in Season 33.

​

 

[PMBangers]

Give the man a ******* beez

 

[Broken]

Every successful bid needs a running mate to appease the "there'll be a bye" worriers.

As a result, I'll be launching a yet to be named bid, with newly acquired land in the north above the recently developed land to the east of the land of sweet.

 

[Dav]

go hwaks

 

[Zoops]

I'd like to have a quiet word with Foops.

 

[Headless]

Hold me.

 

[por_please_ya]

You forgot about me me me me me me me.

 

[Barrybran]

Every successful bid needs a running mate to appease the "there'll be a bye" worriers.

As a result, I'll be launching a yet to be named bid, with newly acquired land in the north above the recently developed land to the east of the land of sweet.

In a gesture of goodwill and support, Gumbies FFC will commission a bridge to be built connecting the east mainland of Sweet to Broken's new club's new ground.

 

[Headless]

There needs to be an investigation into Hate's Season 31 beez Trophy placing.

This is art.

 

[Hate]

Every successful bid needs a running mate to appease the "there'll be a bye" worriers.

As a result, I'll be launching a yet to be named bid, with newly acquired land in the north above the recently developed land to the east of the land of sweet.

In a gesture of goodwill and support, Gumbies FFC will commission a bridge to be built connecting the east mainland of Sweet to Broken's new club's new ground.

East Sweet is expanding at such a rapid pace tonight, Headless might have to hold Mobbs.

 

[Barrybran]

There needs to be an investigation into Hate's Season 31 beez Trophy placing.

This is art.

Or people just need to know what they're voting on and actually pay attention

 

[Bastyy]

​

That is very shitty forgery of my signature, this is what my signature actually looks like

 

[Barrybran]

That is very shitty forgery of my signature, this is what my signature actually looks like

View attachment 1193604

Why is Ned_Flanders in your signature?

 

[Bastyy]

Why is Ned_Flanders in your signature?

So he remembers the eternally binding contract he signed with me that gives me full control over his each and every action

 

[Chipmunk]

Chipbunk was always the black sheep of the family.

 

[Loonerty]

I also knew

 

[manangatang]

Oh man I’m in

 

[Senor M]

That is very shitty forgery of my signature, this is what my signature actually looks like

View attachment 1193604

Did you & Tigerturbulance co sign?

 

[Dav]

Gotta love that this is now the third(?) gaffe expansion bid that is already a more attractive prospect than the Serpents and the Vampires.

NaturalDisaster it's time to expand the league to 15 sides, bring in the Koalas, the Shitgibbons and the Hwaks.

 

[Bastyy]

Did you & Tigerturbulance co sign?

Turbo isn't allowed to sign anything after he signed off on joining the Bombers

 

[por_please_ya]

Gotta love that this is now the third(?) gaffe expansion bid that is already a more attractive prospect than the Serpents and the Vampires.

NaturalDisaster it's time to expand the league to 15 sides, bring in the Koalas, the Shitgibbons and the Hwaks.

 

[Supersuns]

Sorry Headless your S32 beez has been stolen by this man right here

 

[Pie 4 Life]

Gee it must be terrible for a team's identity to be changed suddenly with basically no one knowing about it and only finding out in a team thread on the eve of the season.

I swear there's been another example of that before

 

[Headless]

Gee it must be terrible for a team's identity to be changed suddenly with basically no one knowing about it and only finding out in a team thread on the eve of the season.

I swear there's been another example of that before

Go on then, mate - tell us the story.

 

[Pie 4 Life]

Go on then, mate - tell us the story.

Pretty sure you've already dredged up those PTSD memories many times. It was a different era back then, when Admins were dictators, and most of you didn't exist. Also, I do notice you liking my old posts from those threads 15 years ago bringing back some repressed memories