Essendon's 2020 ruck division is the worst collection of professional sporting talent in Australian history

Mofra

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Hi Bay,

I know the Bay isn't normally the place for hyperbole but I'm confident the thread title has nailed it.

The Essendon Bombers (formerly the "Essendon Blood Stained N*ggers" during a shamefully racist part of their history) had Zac Clarke rucking regularly for them last year, delisted him, and somehow made failed to strengthen their ruck division at all during trade period.

This collection of miscreants, has beens and never-weres that is expected to compete against the elite rucks other teams have (Max Gawn, Brodie Grundy, Tim English). They are as follows:
1578878091816.png


Tom Bellchambers is a 30 year old Tasmanian. At 201cm and 108kg he's almost as big as your average Tasmanian woman. When he's not attempting to swat the ball with his six-fingered hands, he lumbers around the ground with all the grace of a 5-man human centipede after a 24 hour curry marathon. Once sat out a season for taking part in Essendon's doping program. Was drafted in 2007 and has never been part of a winning Essendon final.

1578878114689.png


Andrew Phillips is a 28 year old red-headed Tasmanian because if Essendon love to stick to one thing, it's a losing formula. A former GWS player taken by SOS at Carlton, he spent four years at the worst club in the competition as their 4th string ruckman, so Essendon cleverly decided to poach him. He was rookied in 2010. Players taken after Phillips in 2010 include Luke Dahlhaus, Tom Jonas and 2016 Norm Mmith medalist Jason Johanissen.

1578878406458.png


Sam Draper is from South Australia, like most players who asked to be traded last year. He has yet to debut which is why the worst two clubs of the modern era made huge contract offers to him, with Sam rejecting a $1.7m offer from the Saints (lol) to sign a 4 year deal with th Bombers (double lol). He's had a terrible run with injury which meant he has unfortunately missed Essendon's 100+ point smashing by the Bulldogs and their losing final in 2020.
He will concentrate on rehab next year, unlike 34 other past and resent Essendon players who will also continue their rehab, albeit for a different reason.

That's it folks. Feel free to point and laugh. No wonder they chased a broken down Aaron Sandilands last year (triple lol): https://www.perthnow.com.au/sport/fremantle-dockers/afl-trades-2019-aaron-sandilands-was-reportedly-ready-to-sign-with-essendon-for-season-2020-ng-b881365103z
 

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A Cut Above

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Bellchambers as first ruck is like the fattest chick in class at the top of your list of who to ask out for the school dance. The most polite label he could earn is dependable -if he weren't so injury prone- as Convicted Drug Cheat doesn't have quite the same ring to it.


When he gives the game away he'll mostly be remembered for that tan jacket

 

King Bucks

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Bellchambers as first ruck is like the fattest chick in class at the top of your list of who to ask out for the school dance. The most polite label he could earn is dependable -if he weren't so injury prone- as Convicted Drug Cheat doesn't have quite the same ring to it.


When he gives the game away he'll mostly be remembered for that tan jacket

Good post.

Would be your best key forward though...
 

LittleG

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Who gives a rats about their shite ruck division. Like really, they would be out rucked by Werribee thirds.


I want to hear about Stringbean the unfaithful and his endless quest for midfield time. He must be finally burning up the track this year. Tell me the story about him.
 
Last edited:

Pistol Night

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Who gives a rats about their shite ruck division. Like really, they would be out rucked by Werribee thirds.


I want to hear about Stringbean the unfaithful and his endless quest for midfield time. He must be finally burning up the track this year. Tell me the story about him.
Apparently hes been hitting up the Blue Light Disco's, so his fitness is sound
 

Turnover

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Bellchambers as first ruck is like the fattest chick in class at the top of your list of who to ask out for the school dance. The most polite label he could earn is dependable -if he weren't so injury prone- as Convicted Drug Cheat doesn't have quite the same ring to it.


When he gives the game away he'll mostly be remembered for that tan jacket

You actually had a list for fat chicks to ask?
 

Butler40

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Bellchambers as first ruck is like the fattest chick in class at the top of your list of who to ask out for the school dance. The most polite label he could earn is dependable -if he weren't so injury prone- as Convicted Drug Cheat doesn't have quite the same ring to it.


When he gives the game away he'll mostly be remembered for that tan jacket

I honestly thought the Village people had made a comeback...
 

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QuietB

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Bellchambers as first ruck is like the fattest chick in class at the top of your list of who to ask out for the school dance. The most polite label he could earn is dependable -if he weren't so injury prone- as Convicted Drug Cheat doesn't have quite the same ring to it.


When he gives the game away he'll mostly be remembered for that tan jacket

Looks like an audition for the Richmond board.

In answer to the OP, they don’t have any midfielders so why would you overcapitalise on a ruck 🤷‍♂️
 

Santoz

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Hi Bay,

I know the Bay isn't normally the place for hyperbole but I'm confident the thread title has nailed it.

The Essendon Bombers (formerly the "Essendon Blood Stained N*ggers" during a shamefully racist part of their history) had Zac Clarke rucking regularly for them last year, delisted him, and somehow made failed to strengthen their ruck division at all during trade period.

This collection of miscreants, has beens and never-weres that is expected to compete against the elite rucks other teams have (Max Gawn, Brodie Grundy, Tim English). They are as follows:
View attachment 805285

Tom Bellchambers is a 30 year old Tasmanian. At 201cm and 108kg he's almost as big as your average Tasmanian woman. When he's not attempting to swat the ball with his six-fingered hands, he lumbers around the ground with all the grace of a 5-man human centipede after a 24 hour curry marathon. Once sat out a season for taking part in Essendon's doping program. Was drafted in 2007 and has never been part of a winning Essendon final.

View attachment 805287

Andrew Phillips is a 28 year old red-headed Tasmanian because if Essendon love to stick to one thing, it's a losing formula. A former GWS player taken by SOS at Carlton, he spent four years at the worst club in the competition as their 4th string ruckman, so Essendon cleverly decided to poach him. He was rookied in 2010. Players taken after Phillips in 2010 include Luke Dahlhaus, Tom Jonas and 2016 Norm Mmith medalist Jason Johanissen.

View attachment 805290

Sam Draper is from South Australia, like most players who asked to be traded last year. He has yet to debut which is why the worst two clubs of the modern era made huge contract offers to him, with Sam rejecting a $1.7m offer from the Saints (lol) to sign a 4 year deal with th Bombers (double lol). He's had a terrible run with injury which meant he has unfortunately missed Essendon's 100+ point smashing by the Bulldogs and their losing final in 2020.
He will concentrate on rehab next year, unlike 34 other past and resent Essendon players who will also continue their rehab, albeit for a different reason.

That's it folks. Feel free to point and laugh. No wonder they chased a broken down Aaron Sandilands last year (triple lol): https://www.perthnow.com.au/sport/fremantle-dockers/afl-trades-2019-aaron-sandilands-was-reportedly-ready-to-sign-with-essendon-for-season-2020-ng-b881365103z
You're an interwebs chat group moderator.

You've got BeanCoin Mining badge.

You've got a Pokemon badge.

Pretty sure you'd have a hard drive choc full of images of children.

Get your own shit in order before you worry bout us mate, we'll be fine. Not sure bout you :thumbsu:
 

Cyclops

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You're an interwebs chat group moderator.

You've got BeanCoin Mining badge.

You've got a Pokemon badge.

Pretty sure you'd have a hard drive choc full of images of children.

Get your own shit in order before you worry bout us mate, we'll be fine. Not sure bout you :thumbsu:
Geez Mofra you were on the ropes with Zackah's wry humour and one Steve McKee away from a busted thread but this chump delivered.
 

Mofra

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You're an interwebs chat group moderator.

You've got BeanCoin Mining badge.

You've got a Pokemon badge.

Pretty sure you'd have a hard drive choc full of images of children.

Get your own shit in order before you worry bout us mate, we'll be fine. Not sure bout you :thumbsu:
The BeanCoin and Pokemon badge were jokes from Chief, but glad it still sucks a few dopes in.

104 points last year :thumbsu:
 

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