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Even further off topic. Your weirdest life experience ?

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Jazny said:
What is wrong with some old people (mostly men)? They have no respect for personal boundaries at all. :thumbsdown:
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You can tell us..
Asgardian said:
As most here know, I'm a collector of old movies ... about 99.5% of the stars involved are dead.

I also collect many older TV series, about 90% of the actors involved are now dead.

I have no Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles even elderly friends left alive.

Look out, I may meet you next ... ;)



Not me ... I approach no-one coz they are probably stupid, a crowbot or worse, both
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I am not that old. Go away grim reaper.
 
I once had sex with 2 Lesbian Alien chicks whilst waiting to donate sperm after having my prostate checked whilst watching some old 70's TV reruns and unfortunately having an anxiety attack about a dream in which my bed was mildly vibrating and this all took place in public as a passerby squirted all over us.
****ing weird I tells ya's.
Luckily for me,my kids only levitate in private now,but their eyes are a dead give away.
Thank god for coloured contacts.
Anyhoo gotta go work on the flux capacitor,I'm late for The Ball.
 
Asgardian said:
One day during my adventure as a cricket umpire, it was in a league where I was the paid umpire (by BOTH teams) and went from bowling end to bowling end. The batting team supplied the square leg umpire.

The batsman was nervous, hitting the ball straight to a squarish cover and took off, the batsman backing up was not very experienced so he too took off. They both got about half way when the fielder had returned the ball to the keeper and he promptly removed the bails. I was scampering into position to watch for a run out at the bowlers end, catching sight of both batsmen in the middle of the pitch as the keeper was running one of them out.

BUT WHICH ONE?

Both batsmen immediately started screaming at each other, saying the other was the one who was run out. The square leg umpire had no idea, he was barely awake.

The fielding team was celebrating and the batsmen started getting physical with each other, with the big bad umpire approaching them trying to regain control. Both batsmen then started on me saying the other bloke was the one who was run out. The fielding team didn't care less which one it was and the square leg umpire was starting to wake up getting interested in the possible fight in the middle of the pitch.

Both batsmen wanted to argue with me, but in my infinite wisdom I had the solution, I knew which one was out so I unceremoniously sent him on his way. (Lucky he didn't know I was not sure whether they crossed or not) (I actually reckon it was a dead heat, they were level when the bails came off, so the bloke facing was the one I gave out)

That was a nice day out in the middle officiating
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Good decision, I'd have done same. You can't show any signs of being unsure, I too would've sent the striker on his way, and acted as sure as possible about it.
 

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Norwegian Blue said:
Similar. Nurse short and dumpy and old enough to be my mum hands me the clear plastic cup and directs me to the public toilet down the hall.

You had fap mags? Luxury! 150 of us used to have to fap in middle of et road.
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You got to fap in the middle of the road? Luxury! When I was a boy we had to fap with no hands, while drowning in the ocean and being attacked by sharks, and if we didn't come then we weren't allowed back up.
 
Fyfie_ said:
It was like a special room just for that, it had a couch too (not that I sat on it, like WTF), as well as a TV which I presume had pr0n on it. I didn't touch the mags for obvious reasons, I only touched the door handle and the sink, the whole room had a seedy vibe to it. :drunk:
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I'm tipping there's something else you touched too, you filthy degenerate.
 
Jazny said:
I sometimes get sleep paralysis where it feels like I have waken up in the middle of the night, and there is a presence in my room and I hear this kind of humming sound and I can't move my body. Sometimes it feels like there is someone sitting on my legs or back. Once it felt like it was dragging me off my bed. It lasted for about 30 seconds and it was terrifying, in my dream or whatever it is, it feels real. When I try to scream I can't, I just make this feeble little sound and I can't move to look around. Sometimes I just have the paralysis without any of the weird dreams that go along with it, I just wake up and can't move for a little while until it wears off. It doesn't scare me as much as it used to because I know it is just a dream, but it does feel very real.
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Sometimes I go around to people's places during the night and sit on their legs or back while they sleep.

Sorry.
 
Lethality said:
It's not that uncommon for people with anxiety disorders. What happens is your mind wakes up before your body. Since our bodies are paralyzed during sleep (except in certain stages) paralysis during consciousness happens if you become alert before your body becomes completely 'awake'. The rest of your sensations probably relate to this as well.
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That's bullshit man, just BULLSHIT. You're a government shill and you know it! It's sucubus' and dog people and el chupacabra - stop the denials shill!!
 
chelseacarlton said:
I once had sex with 2 Lesbian Alien chicks whilst waiting to donate sperm after having my prostate checked whilst watching some old 70's TV reruns and unfortunately having an anxiety attack about a dream in which my bed was mildly vibrating and this all took place in public as a passerby squirted all over us.
******* weird I tells ya's.
Luckily for me,my kids only levitate in private now,but their eyes are a dead give away.
Thank god for coloured contacts.
Anyhoo gotta go work on the flux capacitor,I'm late for The Ball.
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Applause.
 

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When I was 19 I was rowing for the state. I was never quite good enough to make national level but I was pretty good, and rowing at uni meant getting laid wasn't too hard.

One day though after practice the mum of one of my boatmates pulled me aside and made it all too clear that her afternoons were empty and in need of filling.

So, a couple of hours later and I'm ploughing her like an Alice springs farmer after a rain, when her husband comes home. Now, I thought she was single, but here I am faced with the Hubby. She's made it out to me that he wasn't in the frame.

So, I panic, and in my panic I essentially lose all ability to think, and I end up on the same spot. I can hear him coming up but can't make a decision. At the last moment I duck into a cupboard and hide. Problem is, he's seen/heard the door close, he's straight onto me.

"Who the **** are you???" He asks accusingly. I held up a pair of shoes and said "don't hurt me mate please!"

"And why the **** not?" He replied.

Holding up the shoes, I replied, "don't you know? Shoes have soles."
 
Duritz said:
When I was 19 I was rowing for the state. I was never quite good enough to make national level but I was pretty good, and rowing at uni meant getting laid wasn't too hard.

One day though after practice the mum of one of my boatmates pulled me aside and made it all too clear that her afternoons were empty and in need of filling.

So, a couple of hours later and I'm ploughing her like an Alice springs farmer after a rain, when her husband comes home. Now, I thought she was single, but here I am faced with the Hubby. She's made it out to me that he wasn't in the frame.

So, I panic, and in my panic I essentially lose all ability to think, and I end up on the same spot. I can hear him coming up but can't make a decision. At the last moment I duck into a cupboard and hide. Problem is, he's seen/heard the door close, he's straight onto me.

"Who the **** are you???" He asks accusingly. I held up a pair of shoes and said "don't hurt me mate please!"

"And why the **** not?" He replied.

Holding up the shoes, I replied, "don't you know? Shoes have soles."
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Duritz said:
When I was 19 I was rowing for the state. I was never quite good enough to make national level but I was pretty good, and rowing at uni meant getting laid wasn't too hard.

One day though after practice the mum of one of my boatmates pulled me aside and made it all too clear that her afternoons were empty and in need of filling.

So, a couple of hours later and I'm ploughing her like an Alice springs farmer after a rain, when her husband comes home. Now, I thought she was single, but here I am faced with the Hubby. She's made it out to me that he wasn't in the frame.

So, I panic, and in my panic I essentially lose all ability to think, and I end up on the same spot. I can hear him coming up but can't make a decision. At the last moment I duck into a cupboard and hide. Problem is, he's seen/heard the door close, he's straight onto me.

"Who the **** are you???" He asks accusingly. I held up a pair of shoes and said "don't hurt me mate please!"

"And why the **** not?" He replied.

Holding up the shoes, I replied, "don't you know? Shoes have soles."
Click to expand...

**** off duritz
 
The day is shaping up very nicely down here in Geoff Shaws electorate and I was just outside enjoying my morning caffeine fix.
I was sitting comfortably on a step pondering about the days plans when I spotted 2 bees what seemingly looked like locked in a loving embrace.
Now I'm no entomologist,but Im pretty sure that's not how bees procreate.
So I'm sitting thinking wow that's relatively erotic and I wonder if I could get in amongst that action and if I were a bee,what type of bee I'd be attracted to?.
The wifey had just come back from her morning walk,all sweaty and looking rather seductive in her short shorts and Lorna Jane tank top.
What sort bee would she be I thought?.
As I struggled with this broad concept it lead me be back deep into my past when I was a young lad skateboarding.
There I was,kick,push,kick,push,kick,push coast.....(you know,just like the song).
Without a care in the world,wind streaking through my young blondish locks,when suddenly from out of nowheresville a stone had halted the revolutions of my left front skateboard wheel.
Off I came,in the air,arms flailing helplessly,time standing still,somehow I managed to right myself like a feline with the gravitational pull of a star and landed on my feet in the soft soft homeliness of grass that lay beside the path I was previously cruising on.
Ahh I thought,as I ran along struggling to retain my balance,when bamm,it struck me,deep into my left back heel!.
My first bee sting!!.
As you can imagine folk,it hurt like hell and left me deeply confused and sorry for myself after I'd just managed to pull off a most miraculous escape from my skating device.
I fall to the ground clasping at my foot,seeing the stinger still wedged deeply in my heel,I pulled it out,sighed slightly relieved from the foreign object removed.
As I sat there in the refreshing grass,I began to ponder some of life's great questions and mysteries,why are we here,who am I,are aliens real,what are those strange sounds coming from my parents bedroom,Olivia Newton John or Debbie Harry,did Harmesy really keep the ball in,would I one day in the deep future share this weird experience in a public forum on the interwebz that was only recently invented and shared by a select few scientists?.
Now,as I again looked down at the tender fresh grass I spotted the bee that had innocently struck me with its stinger.It was walking slowly seemingly confused and dazed,much as I had been only moments before.Strangely enough another had flown down and landed cautiously approaching it's slowly dying friend.They seemed to be communicating in some unknown language my young fresh mind could not comprehend,touching circling investigating sharing.
I thought to myself this must be hive or collective communication,it's concerned for its friend and wants to help but it is helpless,unless of course it can take those feelings back to its hive and relate the feelings of the dying bee and store it somehow,somewhere.
As they embraced slowly,I began to have a Dejavu moment,I will share this with the collective,with the hive,and we shall embrace and store these weird experiences somehow,somewhere.
 

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Asgardian said:
One day during my adventure as a cricket umpire, it was in a league where I was the paid umpire (by BOTH teams) and went from bowling end to bowling end. The batting team supplied the square leg umpire.

The batsman was nervous, hitting the ball straight to a squarish cover and took off, the batsman backing up was not very experienced so he too took off. They both got about half way when the fielder had returned the ball to the keeper and he promptly removed the bails. I was scampering into position to watch for a run out at the bowlers end, catching sight of both batsmen in the middle of the pitch as the keeper was running one of them out.

BUT WHICH ONE?

Both batsmen immediately started screaming at each other, saying the other was the one who was run out. The square leg umpire had no idea, he was barely awake.

The fielding team was celebrating and the batsmen started getting physical with each other, with the big bad umpire approaching them trying to regain control. Both batsmen then started on me saying the other bloke was the one who was run out. The fielding team didn't care less which one it was and the square leg umpire was starting to wake up getting interested in the possible fight in the middle of the pitch.

Both batsmen wanted to argue with me, but in my infinite wisdom I had the solution, I knew which one was out so I unceremoniously sent him on his way. (Lucky he didn't know I was not sure whether they crossed or not) (I actually reckon it was a dead heat, they were level when the bails came off, so the bloke facing was the one I gave out)

That was a nice day out in the middle officiating
Click to expand...
You ********,If you paid attention,the ball probably went backward of square,thereby making it the nonstrikers call.He made a bad error and should of lost his wicket for that.
This mistake could have cost a young bloke his state and test career.
Now you know why we hate umpires.
 
hoo-200.jpg


"Amazing..."
 
True story

My first job while studying was to restock the mini bars at a 50 room hotel.

My first day on the job I was given a master key, told to knock on the door and call out room service. If there was no reply I would use the master key to let myself in then take stock and refill the fridges etc.
I was at my 40th room or so thinking this is a piece of piss.

I knocked on the next door and went through the routine. When there was no reply after 10 second I let myself in.
I was halfway through the door when I looked up and saw a naked couple on the bed, a bloke on the pull out stroke of the chick from behind. He just looked at me, I quickly bailed and ran up the hallway with my trolley leaking chips, chocolates and nuts etc. I hid in a linen closet for about 10 minutes then went about the rest of the rooms. Later that week I was introduced to the General Manager of the Hotel and it was the bloke. Awkward. Turns out it was well known he was banging one of the secretaries. He would never look me in the eye haha.

Whenever there was a need to let some staff go home early I was always given the green light much to other peoples chagrin. I will always remember that job for that situation.
 

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Even further off topic. Your weirdest life experience ?

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