F
Thread starter
#1
Been done before, but anyway, doesn't hurt to revisit what was once the best show on television.
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
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Homer: Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
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Homer: Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems.
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Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws. .
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Rev. Lovejoy: Hey, wait a minute... this looks like rock and/or roll.
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Bart: You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.
Homer: [laughing] The fly was funny, but the booger was the icing on the cake.
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Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
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Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor.
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.
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Reverned Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.
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Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!
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Homer: Here are your messages: "You have thirty minutes to move your car." "You have ten minutes to move your car." "Your car has been impounded." "Your car has been crushed into a cube." "You have thirty minutes to move your cube."
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Homer: [singing] My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R, my baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.
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[Lisa takes Bart to the library]
Bart: Lisa, we can't afford all these books.
Lisa: Bart, we're just gonna borrow them.
Bart: Oh. Heh heh. Gotcha.
[wink]
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Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding...
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Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingys?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law... talkin'... guy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: He didn't give you gay, did he?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old. Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk.
Homer: And how!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clerk: Wow, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies... gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? That's unpossible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Looking at Uruguay on a map]
Homer: Heehee. Look at this country. "You are gay."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newspaper editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Principal Skinner: He's embiggened that role with that cromulent performance.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[After seeing the movie "Naked Lunch"]
Nelson Muntz: I can think of two things wrong with that title.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sideshow Bob: You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. I deride your truth-handling abilities.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie - one to lie, and one to listen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Wiggum: Bake him away, toys.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lisa: Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
Homer: Don't you think you're *under*reacting?
Lisa: This conversation is over.
Homer: This conversation is *under*.
Lisa: Goodbye.
Homer: *bad*bye.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Worker: Okay. What's your first name?
Homer: ...I don't know.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comic Book Guy: There is no "emoticon" to express what I am feeling right now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A *blue car*.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ralph Wiggum: Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Save me Jeebus.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Snake: Uhh, wallet inspector.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Belle: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: I'm sorry. I cant come in today. Religious holiday. The feast of... Maximum Occupancy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marge: Look at this place. The house number is spelled out with letters.
Homer: Get used to it, honey. From now on we'll be spelling everything with letters.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: English side ruined, must use French side... LE GRILLE? what the hell is that?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lisa: Cheer up, Dad. Did you know the Chinese use the same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity'?
Homer: Yes. Crisitunity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moe: I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws. .
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rev. Lovejoy: Hey, wait a minute... this looks like rock and/or roll.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bart: You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.
Homer: [laughing] The fly was funny, but the booger was the icing on the cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor.
Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reverned Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Here are your messages: "You have thirty minutes to move your car." "You have ten minutes to move your car." "Your car has been impounded." "Your car has been crushed into a cube." "You have thirty minutes to move your cube."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: [singing] My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R, my baloney has a second name, it's H-O-M-E-R.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lisa takes Bart to the library]
Bart: Lisa, we can't afford all these books.
Lisa: Bart, we're just gonna borrow them.
Bart: Oh. Heh heh. Gotcha.
[wink]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bart: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingys?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law... talkin'... guy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: He didn't give you gay, did he?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old. Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk.
Homer: And how!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clerk: Wow, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies... gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? That's unpossible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Looking at Uruguay on a map]
Homer: Heehee. Look at this country. "You are gay."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newspaper editor: We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Principal Skinner: He's embiggened that role with that cromulent performance.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[After seeing the movie "Naked Lunch"]
Nelson Muntz: I can think of two things wrong with that title.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sideshow Bob: You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. I deride your truth-handling abilities.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie - one to lie, and one to listen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Wiggum: Bake him away, toys.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lisa: Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
Homer: Don't you think you're *under*reacting?
Lisa: This conversation is over.
Homer: This conversation is *under*.
Lisa: Goodbye.
Homer: *bad*bye.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Worker: Okay. What's your first name?
Homer: ...I don't know.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comic Book Guy: There is no "emoticon" to express what I am feeling right now.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A *blue car*.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ralph Wiggum: Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: Save me Jeebus.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Snake: Uhh, wallet inspector.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Belle: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
Homer: I have misplaced my pants.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: I'm sorry. I cant come in today. Religious holiday. The feast of... Maximum Occupancy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marge: Look at this place. The house number is spelled out with letters.
Homer: Get used to it, honey. From now on we'll be spelling everything with letters.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homer: English side ruined, must use French side... LE GRILLE? what the hell is that?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lisa: Cheer up, Dad. Did you know the Chinese use the same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity'?
Homer: Yes. Crisitunity.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Moe: I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.
