Lisa: "By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away!"
Homer: "Oooh, and how does it work?"
Lisa: "It doesn't work!"
Homer: "Aha"
Lisa: "It's just a stupid rock!"
Homer: "Aha"
Lisa: "Well I don't see any tigers around here! Do you?"
Homer: "Lisa, I would like to buy your rock."
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Marge: "Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!"
Homer: "Batman?"
Marge: "No, he's a scientist."
Homer: "Batman's a scientist?"
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Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven.
Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.
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Homer: Well Marge, have you ever seen a field glow like that?
Marge: It's eerily beautiful, but are you sure this is safe?
Homer: Of course not. But you know something? Sometimes you have to break the rules to free your heart.
Marge: You got that from a movie poster.
Homer: Well, when there's nothing left to believe in, believe in hope
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Homer: Bart, I'm not asking you to give blood for free. That would be crazy! You may not realize it now, but when you save a rich guy's life, he showers you with riches! Don't you know the story of Hercules and the Lion?
Bart: Is it a Bible story?
Homer: Yeah, probably. Anyway, once upon a time, there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough, so they got Hercules and he used his mighty strength, and bingo! Anyway, the moral is, is that the lion was so happy, that he gave Hercules this big... thing... of riches!
Bart: How did a lion get riches?
Homer: It was the olden days!
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Bart: I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
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Homer: Just win that race...I'll deal with those murderous trolls!
Bart: What?
Homer: Oh…I mean…I'll deal with those murderous trolls
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Bart: What do you need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals.
Homer: Well, maybe if he'd had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him