FB statuses decoded.

[muttweed]

Both from the same person in less than five minutes. I'd decode for you but unfortunately I only speak English.

What kind of things do you associate with

 

[PP34]

"Insert random quote from random celebrity into status"

I think I'm a ****ing philosopher but I'm really just an idiot who wants likes.

 

[Poseidon]

"don't let anyone bring you down, haters gonna hate!"

I think I'm important enough to have 'haters' when actually I'm just a massive ****wit.

 

[Stratton_Gun]

 

[PP34]

Anyone who likes that shit is a dickhead. All those tumblr quote pictures are so lame.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

What kind of things do you associate with

I don't. I don't even have a Facebook (at least not in my own name), but these things aren't hard to find.

 

[Blue and Gold Blood]

"<insert name here> just checked into a random nightclub on the other side of the world"

decoded: Im on holidays and i enjoy rubbing it in your face publicly.

 

[quin_stick]

"Girls with no self respect that wear nothing and cake on make-up make me sick" or words to that effect (male or female status)

Decoded; "I'm better than everyone else"

 

[DivideandMultiply]

heres one from a "friend" of mine yesterday



My reply


last time i checked, my reply had 40ish likes

I like her post better, you sound like an inconsiderate ****head. If you can't control your children, don't breed.

 

[Copernicus]

"I'm bored, inbox me."

Decoded: I have no life as talking to someone on a screen stops me being bored.

You've been reading my brother's timeline, haven't you?

He worries me.

 

[Noobz0r]

Uploads photo of alcohol, with some caption about partying.

I don't have a decryption, its just ****ing annoying.

 

[Copernicus]

When someone does a like my status for a like thing, and posts on the other people's walls

"Like: um ur hot 'n' u got swag".

What the actual **** is a swag? Is it some sort of weapon? Drug?

Swag is hood-speak for bling or something of the sort.

Dislike the fact that they've misappropriated a perfectly good word for an itinerant's kitbag to describe gold teeth or whatnot.

 

[muttweed]

Swag is hood-speak for bling or something of the sort.

Dislike the fact that they've misappropriated a perfectly good word for an itinerant's kitbag to describe gold teeth or whatnot.

Then I assume it looks ridiculous when a caucasian says it?

 

[Copernicus]

Then I assume it looks ridiculous when a caucasian says it?

**** yes.

 

[Smoooothy]

I like her post better, you sound like an inconsiderate ****head. If you can't control your children, don't breed.

hello silly slag of a woman

 

[DivideandMultiply]

hello silly slag of a woman

Nope, I am a guy who is sick of the fact ******s who are clearly not fit to be parents seem to be the ones having all of the babies. Kids will be kids, but you need to exercise a minimum of control. If you can't, then show a minimum of common human decency and don't take them to the movies/restaurant/wherever the **** you have gone, where they inevitably melt down and you just sit there, like a **** and let them ruin everybody elses time.

Get up and leave, or exercise some discipline or seek advice on better parenting you lazy, selfish, inconsiderate ****wit.

 

[Cudi]

"Someone bring me Maccas and I'll be your best friend forever "

Decoded: I'm an annoying bitch who is too lazy to do anything myself or cook.

 

[checkraiseulite]

"let's go obama"

decoded: i'm a stupid bitch who knows nothing about politics, let alone politics in the US, but i want to appear intelligent. i have no idea about Obama's policies besides knowing that many (rich) celebrities like Obama, and therefore it must be cool to like Obama. woooooooo

edit: this is only annoying when it's being said by people that clearly have no idea about politics, not because people are supporting Obama.

 

[placebo]

"let's go obama"

decoded: i'm a stupid bitch who knows nothing about politics, let alone politics in the US, but i want to appear intelligent. i have no idea about Obama's policies besides knowing that many (rich) celebrities like Obama, and therefore it must be cool to like Obama. woooooooo

edit: this is only annoying when it's being said by people that clearly have no idea about politics, not because people are supporting Obama.

A lot of this on my FB at the moment.

"Obama, hell yeah"

Some ******* who knows absolutely nothing about US politics.
**** I hate Obama idolatry.

 

[NSWCROW]

STATUS - " Friends cull coming soon..."
DECODED - " I feel slighted atm and the first campaigner to post a smarmy comment is GAWWWWN "

 

[DivideandMultiply]

There is a good chance much of it may be a South Park/Randy reference.

Seen plenty of "celebrate good Obama common!" updates. From people who are from the "douche v turd sandwich" school of political thinking.

 

[Igloo]

There is a good chance much of it may be a South Park/Randy reference.

Seen plenty of "celebrate good Obama common!" updates. From people who are from the "douche v turd sandwich" school of political thinking.

I believe that's "giant douche", not just a regular douche.

 

[DivideandMultiply]

I believe that's "giant douche", not just a regular douche.

That is the one.

 

[Doss]

I have my 16 year old cousin on Facebook.

She's lovely and I get on well with her, but...she's 16.

Every so often, she'll post a status simply saying "TOMORROW!! TOMORROW!! <3 <3"

Translation- some little 16-year old dickweed surfy dude is taking her on a date.

 

[filandia2nuts]

"Would love cuddles right now," is especially interesting. It's obvious what 'cuddles' truly entail. But I reckon those chicks feel like they've hit the jackpot when it's raining as well, because their thinly veiled 'someone, let's root!' status isn't as seedy as they intended.

And I won't lie, I'm interested in what kind of PMs those statuses get...

Was very tempted to send you a PM saying 'I like cuddles'...