Got sent this a while back:
pretty funny and damn true- hopefully lighten the mood around here. (??)
> > BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN PERTH
> > >
> > > 1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Perth
> > driver never uses them.
> > >
> > > 2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
> > between
> > >you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in
> that
> > >space,putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
> > >
> > > 3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
> > considered "going with the flow."
> > >
> > > 4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
> the
> > chance you have of getting hit.
> > >
> > > 5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs
> extensive
> > bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
> > >
> > > 6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to
> > ensure
> > >that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as
> the
> > brake
> > >pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
> > stretch your legs.
> > >
> > > 7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
> > suggestions and
> > >are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush
> hour.
> > >
> > > 8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a
> shortcut
> > during rush-hour traffic in Perth.
> > >
> > > 9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an
> accident or
> > even someone changing a tire.
> > >
> > > 10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
> > especially 4WD drivers.
> > >
> > > 11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Perth is the home of
> High-Speed
> > Slalom
> > >Driving thanks to the MRD, which puts potholes in key locations
> to
> > test
> > >drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
> > >
> > > 12. It is traditional in Perth to honk your horn at cars
> that
> > don't
> > >move the instant the light changes.
> > >
> > > 13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your
> right
> > of way.
> > >
> > > 14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look
> right
> > and left before proceeding.
> > >
> > > 15. Remember that the goal of every Perth driver is to get
> there
> > first, by whatever means necessary.
> > >
> > > 16. Real Perth women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply
> eye
> > >makeup at 75k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
> > >
> > > 17. Real Perth men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at
> 75
> > k/ph
> > >in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
> > >
> > > 18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the
> > previously
> > >listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a
> > natural
> > >selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle
> sales.
> > >
> > > 19. There is a common held belief in Perth that highspeed
> > tailgating
> > >in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked
> along
> > in the
> > >slipstream of the car in front.
> > >
> > > 20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road
> trains
> > and buses because they have brakes.
> > >
> > > 21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the
> life of
> > his
> > >passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may
> be,
> > >always find a detour around Coolbelup, Balga, Hilton, Koondoola
> and
> > Northbridge.
> > >
> > > 22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a
> one
> > way street.
> > >
> > > 23. It's O.K when driving in Perth's North Eastern suburbs to
> air
> > your
> > > grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute"
> > while
> > >screaming out "ar#ehole" . But it is imperative you are driving
> at
> > least a
> > >5 litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.
> >
pretty funny and damn true- hopefully lighten the mood around here. (??)
> > BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN PERTH
> > >
> > > 1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Perth
> > driver never uses them.
> > >
> > > 2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
> > between
> > >you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in
> that
> > >space,putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
> > >
> > > 3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
> > considered "going with the flow."
> > >
> > > 4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
> the
> > chance you have of getting hit.
> > >
> > > 5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs
> extensive
> > bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
> > >
> > > 6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to
> > ensure
> > >that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as
> the
> > brake
> > >pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
> > stretch your legs.
> > >
> > > 7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
> > suggestions and
> > >are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush
> hour.
> > >
> > > 8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a
> shortcut
> > during rush-hour traffic in Perth.
> > >
> > > 9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an
> accident or
> > even someone changing a tire.
> > >
> > > 10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
> > especially 4WD drivers.
> > >
> > > 11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Perth is the home of
> High-Speed
> > Slalom
> > >Driving thanks to the MRD, which puts potholes in key locations
> to
> > test
> > >drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
> > >
> > > 12. It is traditional in Perth to honk your horn at cars
> that
> > don't
> > >move the instant the light changes.
> > >
> > > 13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your
> right
> > of way.
> > >
> > > 14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look
> right
> > and left before proceeding.
> > >
> > > 15. Remember that the goal of every Perth driver is to get
> there
> > first, by whatever means necessary.
> > >
> > > 16. Real Perth women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply
> eye
> > >makeup at 75k/ph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
> > >
> > > 17. Real Perth men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at
> 75
> > k/ph
> > >in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
> > >
> > > 18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the
> > previously
> > >listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a
> > natural
> > >selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle
> sales.
> > >
> > > 19. There is a common held belief in Perth that highspeed
> > tailgating
> > >in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked
> along
> > in the
> > >slipstream of the car in front.
> > >
> > > 20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road
> trains
> > and buses because they have brakes.
> > >
> > > 21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the
> life of
> > his
> > >passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may
> be,
> > >always find a detour around Coolbelup, Balga, Hilton, Koondoola
> and
> > Northbridge.
> > >
> > > 22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a
> one
> > way street.
> > >
> > > 23. It's O.K when driving in Perth's North Eastern suburbs to
> air
> > your
> > > grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute"
> > while
> > >screaming out "ar#ehole" . But it is imperative you are driving
> at
> > least a
> > >5 litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.
> >
