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Fremantle Jokes

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Kim Hagdorn is walking down the street when he sees a vicious rabid dog attacking an old lady. Considering himself far too important to risk getting hurt he hides behind a parked car and hopes the dog doesn't notice him.

Suddenly a little boy runs over and wrestles the beast to the ground, snapping it's neck.

Feeling brave again Hagdorn leaps out to talk to the boy and says:

'Son that was amazing. I'm a very important writer for the most important newspaper in Australia and I want to write a story about you. I can already see the headline "Heroic eagles supporter saves little old lady"'

'But I'm a Freo supporter' says the boy.

The next day the paper comes out with the headline "Little Dockers shit murders family pet".
 

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Poor effort fella's, most of these are 30 year old gags that have been re-worked to involve the Dorkers.

What's the only ship that never stops in Fremantle?

The premiership.
 
Heres one

A Family of West Coast supporters head out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting. While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a Fremantle footy jumper and says to his 10 year old sister, "I've decided to become a Docker supporter and I would like this for Christmas". His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him round the head with her carton of Winfields and says, "Go talk to Mum




Off goes the little lad with the Fremantle footy jumper in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Docker supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a full stubbie of VB at him, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "lets go talk to your father".





Off they go to Pentridge during visiting hours with footy jumper in hand and find bubba, his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Freo supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head with his fists and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT", and then kicks him from one end of the rec. room to the other for further good measure.
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home (Reservoir). The mother turns to her son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes knackers I have." "Good son, what is it?"



The son replies, "I've only been a Freo supporter for an hour and already I hate you West Coast bastards."
 
Intelligence Test


John Worsfold goes to Fremantle for a meeting with Mark Harvey. After the meeting, Mark says to John, "Well John, I don't know what you think of your players at Subiaco, but mine are all bright and brilliant."
"How do you know?" asks John.


"Oh well, it's simple", says Mark. "They all have to take special tests before they can play here. Just watch this." He calls PAV over and asks him, "Tell me PAV, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"
"Ah, that's simple John", says PAV, "it's me!"
"Well done PAV", says Mark, and John is very impressed.


John returns to West Coast and wonders about the intelligence of the his team. He calls in Quinten Lynch and asks, "Quinten, tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"
Quinten thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit more Woosh, and I'll give you the answer tomorrow?"
"Of course," says John, "you've got 24 hours."




Quinten goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his team-mates but no-one knows the answer. 20 hours later, Quinten is very worried - still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually Quinten says "I know, I'll ring Leigh Matthews, he's clever, he'll know the answer."
He calls Leigh. "Leigh," he says, "tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"
"Very simple", says Leigh, "it's me!"
"Of course", says Quinten and rings Woosha.
"John", says Quinten, "I've got the answer: it's Leigh Matthews". "No, you idiot", says John, "it's Matthew Pavlich".
 
The Funniest of the lot

Truth-Telling Chair

This professor of psychology at Monash Uni built a truth-telling chair. Every time someone sitting it lied, the bottom of the chair - essentially a trapdoor mechanism - collapsed sending the seated person flying to the ground. He knew it worked - he'd tried it. But he had to do some research before any one would believe him.



So he advertised in the Herald Sun for volunteers to come along and they'd get a fiver for their troubles, every hour. He received loads of replies and as such was able to take from any selection he liked. As a control for the experiment he decided to pick football supporters, and invited three along for the first day of trials.


Anyway, the first day came and a Collingwood fan arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak. "I think Collingwood Football Club are definitely the third force in Australian Rules Football..." and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him sprawling to the floor before he could carry on.



Next, a Melbourne fan arrived, he sat in the chairand began to speak... "I think Melbourne are still capable of mounting a similar challenge on the title as last season" and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him sprawling to the floor before he could carry on.



Then a Fremantle 'fan' arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak... "I think..." and instantly the chair collapsed sending him sprawling to the floor.
​
 
he-knows-balls.jpg_500.jpg
 
"Retaliate first"
- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series
"I only have two words for you men - believe in yourselves"
- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series
"If you are not in bed by 12 o'clock, go home"
- Jack Dyer, instructing his players during a final series
"Tell him he is John Coleman and send him back on"
- Jack Dyer, when told by medical staff that a concussed player 'did not know who he is'
 
dominguez said:
Poor effort fella's, most of these are 30 year old gags that have been re-worked to involve the Dorkers.

What's the only ship that never stops in Fremantle?

The premiership.
Click to expand...
I don't think anyone is saying otherwise, this thread isn't excatly roaring along. Or it wasn't until you decided to bump it for some reason. ;)

Clinks, those seem to be West Coast jokes. I'm sure there's several threads over on your board where they will fit in better.
 

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met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."
"Fine," I said, "I want to die when Freo win the premiership."
"You crafty c%nt!" said the fairy.
 
I bumped into Ballantine in the street today. I said, "Are you aware of the uproar caused by your antics and general ********ery"

"Yeah yeah," he interrupted. "Tell me something I don't know."

So I explained What a premiership was
 
We had a bloke walk into the golf club bar with a Dockers cap the other weekend. He was the only one wearing a cap or hat. My brother looked up and choked on his steak sandwich, mumbling, hes game...
 

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ioppolo said:
How many Eagles supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change it, they just talk about how good the last one was.
Click to expand...
How many disgraced former WCE players does it take to fashion a crack pipe out of a light bulb?
 
EagleEgo said:
Three old footy fans are in a church, praying for their teams.
The first one asks, "Oh Lord when will Collingwood next in the Grand Final?" God Replies, "In the next five years."
"But I'll be dead by then," says the man.
The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Melbourne next be in the Top Eight?"
The Good Lord - answers, "In the next ten years."
"But I'll be dead by then," says the man.
The third one asks, "Oh Lord when will Fremantle win the Premiership?".
God answers, "I'll be dead by then!"
Click to expand...
Eerily accurate

Collingwood premiership in 2010
Melbourne on track for finals by 2019
Fremantle on track to never win a premiership
 

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