Game Day - Freo vs Melbourne (Round 6)

Purple Jesus · 2025-04-15T04:14:16+00:00

Fremantle Dockers vs Melbourne Demons Saturday 19th April 2025 – 1:20pm AEST Melbourne Cricket Ground The Kozzy Courtship: Chapter 12 (Possibly Final?) The Dockers are in town. Melbourne knows it. Kozzy knows it. And Justin Longmuir’s tailored suit knows it too – dry cleaned and pressed for the occasion, just in case there’s a chance encounter in the MCG tunnel. Officially, Fremantle are here for premiership points. Unofficially? They’re here to gently whisper sweet nothings to Kysaiah Pickettunder the guise of “opposition analysis.” It’s the AFL’s worst-kept secret – JL wants Kozzy in purple, and he’s playing the long game. They’ve recruited his cousin, Isiah Dudley. They’ve got his close mate, Quinton Narkle, quietly humming Slim Dusty tunes at training. All that’s left is to sneak a membership application into Kozzy’s locker with the note: “We already saved you a locker – it’s next to Bolton's.” Last Time They Met 2024, Round 12 – TIO Traeger Park Fremantle 22.9 (141) def Melbourne 7.7 (49) Melbourne got absolutely pantsed in Alice Springs – not so much a game as a purple-themed exhibition. Treacy kicked bags, Amiss found his radar, and Luke Jackson played like a bloke who’d just had a home-cooked feed from Mum and remembered how much he hates Melbourne winters. Pickett kicked a couple, but spent most of the day watching the ball fly the other way. Word is, JL introduced himself post-match with a handshake, a wink, and a business card that simply read: “Imagine the possibilities.” This Week: The Subtle Approach™ The Dockers’ official line? “Just another round of footy.” But the internal memo? Operation: Make Him Feel Seen. Expect the following: Narkle appearing uninvited at Kozzy’s favourite coffee joint in Fitzroy, loudly asking the barista if they do “extra hot oat lattes like Mary Street in Highgate” and casually dropping, “Man, the coffee’s not bad for over here — reckon you’d love the stuff back home though. Real crema. Real sunlight.” Brayshaw, spotted in the next booth over at Kozzy’s usual brunch spot, flicking through a glossy real estate brochure titled “Life’s Better in Leighton”, muttering just loud enough: “Mate, in Perth you can own a house with a lemon tree and still hear the ocean. Without even being as rich as us.” Dudley, in full Freo kit, somehow playing pick-up footy at Princes Park when Kozzy arrives for a casual kick. Offers him a water bottle that smells suspiciously like Bali prep and says, “You know the boys are booking flights already — just saying.” A mysterious Perth tourism billboard going up overnight near Kozzy’s place in Richmond: “More sun. Less traffic. Better beaches. Freo. It’s time.” Featuring a barely disguised silhouette of him standing on Cottesloe Beach holding a Dockers guernsey and a fishing rod. Melbourne’s Defence Strategy Simon Goodwin has allegedly assigned a minder to Pickett for the week – not to protect him from defenders, but from Dockers recruiters. The club has reportedly placed a strict “no property brochures” policy in the changerooms, after a mysterious pamphlet for “Ocean Views, South Fremantle – walk to cafés!” was found post-training. Prediction Fremantle’s form is hot. Treacy is coming off a six-goal special, and Amiss is due. Add in the defensive structure that’s stifling teams and a midfield that’s purring more than MadEyeEmmy on a gif hunt, and they should have the edge. But win or lose, the real scoreboard will be in Kozzy’s eyes when he looks at Longmuir post-game. A little glimmer, a lingering handshake, a half-smile that says, “Maybe.” Fremantle 28.21 (189) def Melbourne 5.9 (39) Pickett: 3.1, 17 touches, 1 compliment too many from Serong, and a few long looks westward. Bonus Odds from the Worst: $1.80 – JL is spotted “accidentally” bumping into Kozzy at the team hotel lobby. $2.50 – Someone leaves a framed photo of Shai Bolton hugging a quokka on Kozzy’s seat pre-game. $5.00 – Pickett’s Instagram story features a purple heart emoji by Monday.

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Tonga Bob

International Man Of Misery

Apr 17, 2025

Staff
#13

Good afternoon all, the very friendly people on the Melbourne board have put up a banter thread on their board asking for potential banner messages for the weekend. Here's one I prepared earlier:

Tonga Bob said:
It's inevitable
So don't make a fuss
And just let Kosi
Come home with us

So if you're up for a bit of wordsmithery then get in there and give Bofa some. Make sure you're not being a jerk about it though, we're guests on their board so show a semblance of decorum - basically don't do what you'd complain to me about an oppo poster on this board doing.

Have at it!