Friends with the Ex

[perthblue]

Hey BigRelationship,

Are you friends with somebody you once dated? As in strictly platonic, no more romantic feelings on either side?

If you were entering in a relationship with someone who was friends with their ex, would this be an issue for you? What boundaries would you expect to be respected?

Thank you!

 

[Power Raid]

always remained friends with the ex's

They often stay with me, when they're in Perth or vice versa. I'm married now, so nothing more than catching up with good friends.

 

[craigos]

All contact should be ceased once you are no longer together (unless kids). Delete all contact information and move on.

 

[Caesar]

No. Most of my exes are great people, but trying to turn a relationship into a friendship is just way too messy for my liking. In general I've found it easier to just draw a line under it and move on. That said, my attitude would probably change if we were coparenting a child or something.

I don't have any particular issues or boundaries when it comes to dating someone who is friends with their ex. Someone whose values are compatible with mine doesn't need to be told how to navigate that sort of stuff in a respectful manner.

 

[undefined]

If this person you're seeing is friends with an ex of theirs, give the situation a wide berth. Not worth the hassle.

 

[PT Bar None]

 

[Engimal v3]

Yep, I'm great friends with my previous ex. We broke up because of different life circumstances, and later found long term partners of our own. As long as they're respectful of your new partner's boundaries, I haven't found much issue.

You just have to use common sense for the most part. Going for a coffee with them? Fine. Going for a movie? Probably a bit much.

 

[dales.girl38]

No, I tried it with my last ex on his request, but it didn't last long. Too messy, too hard.

I don't have a hard rule on if it would be a problem for a future boyfriend to be friends with their exes, it would depend on the circumstances and the dynamic of the friendship.

 

[ioppolo]

My current missus was still friends with her ex, to some degree, when we first started going out. They just ended up slowly drifting apart and that was that.

 

[Lemma]

I think it depends why you broke up. If it was for a bad reason, then don't bother. And if you are doing it to try to win them back, either be honest to their face and tell them the truth or don't bother. That's how you waste years of your life.
My ex we sort of just drifted apart over time and so there's really no need to keep up a friendship. No bad feelings between us, but no friendship.

 

[craigos]

You broke up with them or they broke up with you for a reason. You stay friends, they get hot (because none of you would date anyone attractive imo) and then what? You try and bang them, that's what. New gf finds out and dumps your flabby arse.

Now you don't have any relationships and the ex who got hot doesn't want to get back with you because you're too ugly.

Now you're all alone like the loser your Dad told you you would always be.

 

[Gough]

The most satisfying way of ending a relationship is when neither of you can stand to be in the same room as each other.

 

[t_94]

Staying friends = maintain connection for a root if the circumstances present themselves.

 

[the_interloper]

Don't really know why you need to be friends with an ex. It's good to be cordial if you're in a similar group but otherwise who gives a s**t?

Plus my exes (they are shitloads and they're all 9+ obviously) are usually so broken hearted that they can't rejoin society.

 

[peternorth]

Don't really know why you need to be friends with an ex. It's good to be cordial if you're in a similar group but otherwise who gives a sh*t?

Plus my exes (they are shitloads and they're all 9+ obviously) are usually so broken hearted that they can't rejoin society.

wait.

police have been notified

 

[2006_Eagles]

Don't really know why you need to be friends with an ex. It's good to be cordial if you're in a similar group but otherwise who gives a sh*t?

Plus my exes (they are shitloads and they're all 9+ obviously) are usually so broken hearted that they can't rejoin society.

Obviously. Younger than 9 would just be socially unacceptable

 

[Run n Spread]

Not against the concept but I'm not and tend not to be.
Depends on the nature of relationship. If it was more purely physical that fizzled out then probably not much in common.
If it was also based on friendship and everything was great why break up in the first place?
Life is complex and people and situations change so who knows?
If I saw an ex had reason to be in contact I'd be friendly but wouldn't go out of my way to re involve myself in their life and vice versa

 

[Thegibbsgamble]

Obviously. Younger than 9 would just be socially unacceptable

He's a republican voter, they draw the line at nine. Dems, they think aborted is fair game.

 

[Thegibbsgamble]

Yep, I'm great friends with my previous ex. We broke up because of different life circumstances, and later found long term partners of our own. As long as they're respectful of your new partner's boundaries, I haven't found much issue.

You just have to use common sense for the most part. Going for a coffee with them? Fine. Going for a movie? Probably a bit much.

There's not really a general rule in this. It depends on the individuals involved.

Once things start getting serious with the new person, they request you ditch the ex, then you have to. What ever works works as long as both are comftable.

But having said that, Narcs always try and stay friends with victims. They didn't Finnish the job last time and always plotting for another go..

 

[Scotland]

Friends is a loose term.

Cordial, fine. You don't need to hate everyone you've seen naked.

'We're still best friends' and hanging out all the time is just weird.

 

[Jack Richards]

Nup. Tried but it didn't work. She got jealous once I moved on but expected me to be cool seeing her with other blokes.

Breaking point was her always showing up at nightclubs and bars I went to each weekend and trying to dance with me.

 

[footyfan1978]

I certainly have no issues being friends with ex, if you end on good terms.
In a way, it is natural to be friends forever but circumstances of each others life may mean, you simply do not see each other enough to be a regular contact.
Relationships are unique so hard and fast rules do not make any real sense for everyone.
But having said, that lots of people have hard and fast rules of their relationships, so if you both agree to not keep in contact with ex's, that seems fine too as long as you agree that is what you both agree on.

 

[Over The Post]

You broke up with them or they broke up with you for a reason. You stay friends, they get hot (because none of you would date anyone attractive imo) and then what? You try and bang them, that's what. New gf finds out and dumps your flabby arse.
Now you don't have any relationships and the ex who got hot doesn't want to get back with you because you're too ugly.
Now you're all alone like the loser your Dad told you you would always be.

OK, where have you hidden the cameras in my place? Bastard.

 

[edgie]

My current missus was still friends with her ex, to some degree, when we first started going out. They just ended up slowly drifting apart and that was that.

This.

I mean, not the most recently ex, one from a few relationships back. Drifted well apart since we got together.

She still talks to another ex, first bf from high school, since he's a sparky, but he's not a real sparky and doesn't do anything helpful so I said to stop being friendly to him.

Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using Tapatalk

 

[Stratton_Gun]

Haven't been in the situation myself but couldn't see a scenario where I would be really keen on them stayikg friends. As Miranda says in in Sex and the City, " they need to not exist"