Funny insults and witty comebacks

[Bomber32]

G'day all, I'm sure a lot of people have been in the position where they have been bullied, insulted or put down in some way and haven't known how to respond when this happens. This thread is all about funny insults and witty comebacks that can be used to turn the tables on the offending individual.

A few of my favourites for starters.....

- Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
- Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
- You are so stupid you got sacked from the M&M factory for throwing out all the w's.
- Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

Please post away!

 

[Grockadoc]

A personal favourite of mine when I get insulted:

*Insert insult here*

Me: *no response*

Insulter: What? No comeback?

Me: If I wanted my comeback, I'd scrape it off of your mum's face.

Game, Set and Match.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

 

[Double the Fist]

If someone says nice hair. shirt whatever... I usually retort, Nice face! (sarcastic)

Not great but ok.

 

[Damp Squarie]

When Ive been caught off gaurd by some rude remark I usually respond with...
"How does G F sound?

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Pardon me but you have obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

 

[SCARD]

Pardon me but you have obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

year 8 bully to a small kid,"hey Patrick you got no balls, have you?" Quick reply "Maybe, but my penis is between my legs, not on my shoulders." Game, set and match.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

 

[FlowersByIrene]

Insulter "**** you"
You: "you'd like to wouldn't you queer"

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I see the wheel is spinning but the hamster looks dead.

 

[cutterman]

Well the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

 

[Bomber32]

Your old school just rang...the Biology teacher says she thinks they found your brain.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Go ahead, tell us everything you know.

It'll only take 5 seconds.

 

[Kynge of Begrem]

If someone tells you how to do your job: How would you like it if I turned up at your workplace and told you how to suck c**k?

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

Is your brain working 50 % today

 

[Bomber32]

Your village called. They are missing an idiot.

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

You must have more then a loose up in your head the way you are talking.

 

[GiantRooBoy]

In response to a stupid comment by someone else reply, "I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong."

 

[DREAM TEAM BUFF]

I can see that monkey in your head playing with a tambourine

 

[PAdman]

I thought this was funny insults and witty comebacks, I haven't seen any of them in this thread yet.

 

[Double the Fist]

I thought this was funny insults and witty comebacks, I haven't seen any of them in this thread yet.

**** off then.

BAM!

 

[PAdman]

**** off then.

BAM!

back to ****ing yo momma?

 

[TubbsFarquhar]

Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.