Funny sayings!

[RedmanWasHere]

If they were a box of chocolate, the box would be empty.

 

[boondy]

“By the skin of hen’s teeth”

Thats 2 sayings mixed up . My wife says " like pulling hens teeth " as well .
An old girlfriend said to me " like waving a red rag at a carrot " .

 

[Double the Fist]

If a friend or spouse asks you to put the dog/cat out:
"Why, is it on fire?"

If you're a male about to temporarily leave a group of friends in order to have a tinkle:
"I'll be back in two shakes."

When going for a slash, Piss or whatever, I say, Im going to shake hands with the unemployed.....

 

[Damp Squarie]

As smooth as a gravy sandwich.

 

[Socrates2]

As funny as a hat full of arseholes

 

[Wayne Dwop]

When going for a slash, Piss or whatever, I say, Im going to shake hands with the unemployed.....

Point Percy at the porcelain

 

[Double the Fist]

To kill two bats with one stone.....

 

[Run and carry]

Stick a fork in the fork as even it is done.

 

[HawkerHurricane]

Here's a couple of favourite's that get used at work quite a bit..

"i'm all over it like a fat kid on a cupcake"
"sweating like a paedophile at a wiggles concert"

 

[boondy]

Scoops it up like a conscientious dog walker . Dwayne said it .

 

[Falconista]

Sheep short in the top paddock- for someone who is a little dense.

Dropping the kids off at the pool- going for a dump.

Like a taco in a dishwasher- describing someone who is out of place.