Funny s**t your kids have said

[HARKER]

My daughter when 5 was taken into the shower with her mum for the first time.

She looked up at her mum and pointed....somewhere in particular....and said, "Oh mummy. You have cobwebs"

How right she was.

 

[Gralin]

My daughter has just discovered that growing up means hair grows in places it doesn't currently. She is 100% against this and has said that she does not want to grow up anymore

 

[peasantbruh69]

The young bloke next door, he's about 8, was excitedly screaming out today that his willy is bigger than his brain

 

[Gralin]

The young bloke next door, he's about 8, was excitedly screaming out today that his willy is bigger than his brain

so he's worked out which head makes the decisions younger than most then

 

[HBF]

I can't wait to contribute to this thread....

 

[Catfish Alley]

So after a bath my 5-year old asked why his penis was so big. Then he stretched it between his legs and ran around saying “go penis horsey, go!”

 

[cats2rise]

So after a bath my 5-year old asked why his penis was so big. Then he stretched it between his legs and ran around saying “go penis horsey, go!”

I can't wait to contribute to this thread....

Try topping a penis horsey.

 

[Lord of the Pies]

My 5 year old slipped whilst getting out of the bath. He then says "everybody makes naked mistakes". Not a truer phrase has been spoken.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

My 5 year old slipped whilst getting out of the bath. He then says "everybody makes naked mistakes". Not a truer phrase has been spoken.

5 years old and already he understands that.

I like it.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

P.s. that quip by KittenFish Court wins quip of the month.

 

[ferrisb]

Miss6yo: how much did we lose by yesterday?
ferrisb: lots
Miss6yo: how does a team get so bad that it loses by lots all the time?
ferrisb: well....for a long time Carlton picked players that weren't very good
Miss6yo: *thinks* So....why don't all the bad players just pass the ball to Cripps?

6 years old and she's already a better coach than Bolton

 

[ferrisb]

Less funny, more completely unexpected...

Miss6yo: daddy ask me a hard question

Me: OK smarty pants here's a question that adults think is hard...if you can do something that is the wrong thing do do but is easy and fun OR you can choose to do the right thing but it's much harder, what should you do?

Miss6yo: that's easy! I would choose the hard way. But can you give me an example

Me: ummm....

Miss6yo: I know! What if your house in on fire and there is a door (I'm thinking 'Wtf? where is this going?) and you can go out the door and be safe but your family is inside. Or you can go inside and scream for help and try to save them.

I was floored. She's 6 (almost 7) and understands ethics and sacrifice. Or she's an arsonist/serial killer in the making...

For the record she said she would go back inside ........... But I've hidden the matches just in case

 

[iluvparis]

Less funny, more completely unexpected...

Miss6yo: daddy ask me a hard question
Me: OK smarty pants here's a question that adults think is hard...if you can do something that is the wrong thing do do but is easy and fun OR you can choose to do the right thing but it's much harder, what should you do?
Miss6yo: that's easy! I would choose the hard way. But can you give me an example
Me: ummm....
Miss6yo: I know! What if your house in on fire and there is a door (I'm thinking 'Wtf? where is this going?) and you can go out the door and be safe but your family is inside. Or you can go inside and scream for help and try to save them.

I was floored. She's 6 (almost 7) and understands ethics and sacrifice. Or she's an arsonist/serial killer in the making...

For the record she said she would go back inside ........... But I've hidden the matches just in case

Throw her a follow up question

...you are alive in the last leg of the Sydney quaddie but only have 3 of the 6 Chris Waller runners in the last leg...what do you do?

 

[ferrisb]

The young bloke next door, he's about 8, was excitedly screaming out today that his willy is bigger than his brain

Wait til he's about 18...

 

[ferrisb]

Throw her a follow up question

...you are alive in the last leg of the Sydney quaddie but only have 3 of the 6 Chris Waller runners in the last leg...what do you do?

I have no idea who Chris Waller is, but I assume this is the basis for an ad where someone from Sportsbet yells 'CASH OUT!' before shouting his buddies beers.

 

[Quivorir]

I won a prize pack from Amazon the other week which contained an Amazon Echo Plus. The 4 year old was trying to get it to play Let it Go from Frozen last night.

"Alexa, go. Play Let it go from Frozen sound track" and it always plays some other s**t song because she either takes too long to say it or she forgets what she is saying or minces here words etc.

31 times she tried last night to get it working. The 32nd recording is "Arggggggh! Alexa! You. Are. Mean."

I was in the other room just listening to her and laughing at hearing her frustration slowly building until it boiled over.

 

[Duritz]

I have no idea who Chris Waller is, but I assume this is the basis for an ad where someone from Sportsbet yells 'CASH OUT!' before shouting his buddies beers.

Doesn’t know who Chris Waller is but knows about Sportsbet cashout.

Says a lot about the current state of racing unfortunately.

 

[Duritz]

I won a prize pack from Amazon the other week which contained an Amazon Echo Plus. The 4 year old was trying to get it to play Let it Go from Frozen last night.

"Alexa, go. Play Let it go from Frozen sound track" and it always plays some other s**t song because she either takes too long to say it or she forgets what she is saying or minces here words etc.

31 times she tried last night to get it working. The 32nd recording is "Arggggggh! Alexa! You. Are. Mean."

I was in the other room just listening to her and laughing at hearing her frustration slowly building until it boiled over.

Yeah... don’t be waiting by the letterbox for your father of the year nomination pal.

 

[ferrisb]

Miss 7yo: Daddy, can I have another treat?

Me: Not sure, Miss 7yo. Ask mummy.

Miss 7yo: Daddy! You're a grown-up. You can make your own decisions!

 

[Catfish Alley]

Conversation a couple of hours ago in a hotel pool surrounded by people:

“Sometimes I lie to you Dad”
“Oh yeah, like when?”
“Like when I say I didn’t pee in the pool”

 

[ferrisb]

I had forgotten about this thread, so I have a few saved up...

Wife: ferris, why are you spending so much time on bigfooty now that the season has finished?

Miss 8yo: Because daddy needs to read about all the new players that Carlton is going to get.

...now, I don't like playing favourites in my family, BUT.....

 

[ferrisb]

A few weeks ago my 8yo daughter just snuck up behind me and screamed out BOOOOH! And then followed it up with 'Collingwood and Essendon'.

I love it that she associates Collingwood and Essendon with 'BOOOO'.

I don't love it that she sneaks up on me. My heart was still pounding half an hour later; cheeky little ****er!

 

[Shell]

Not what they said but out of the corner of my eye yesterday i saw a little kid whack his father in the balls outside Best and Less.


Legit pissed myself.

 

[ferrisb]

I've recently started my first ever diet, aiming to reverse some middle-age spread.

I was bemoaning the lack of results so far, and my daughter chimed in with this nugget of advice:

Miss 8yo: You know daddy.....there's this thing......I don't know if you've heard it.......it's called EX-ER-CISE!

I was trying so hard not to laugh at her record levels of sass that I couldn't bring myself to tell her off for being a little ****.

 

[ferrisb]

Last one for now...

At school, Miss 8yo was asked to choose any topic she wanted, do some research and make a diorama. She chose religion. This was the centrepiece of her display.

Apologies to the devout readers out there, but I think she nailed it.



I asked her how she came to that conclusion and she answered 'Wikipedia and Google'.....