Funny s**t your kids have said

[Doggy doo doo]

Me: What kind of animal do you find in a rainforest?
4yr old daughter: um......A Raindeer!!!......

 

[IschenkoUBeauty]

Not something my kids have said (I really couldn't tell you for certain if I have kids somewhere or not) but when I was a kid, about four, I told some kid's mother round the school to go f*** herself and it was pretty funny.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

Whilst out for dinner with my parents my daughter tells everyone I take cocaine

Do you?

 

[Duritz]

Not something my kids have said (I really couldn't tell you for certain if I have kids somewhere or not) but when I was a kid, about four, I told some kid's mother round the school to go f*** herself and it was pretty funny.

Yeah Frankston is a pretty s**t place

 

[MP_]

Do you?

Just acid trips man

 

[MisterMarcus]

I have been reflecting on this one for a few days... had to qualify this with Mrs Lance.

The other night I was putting Lance Jr to bed. I was lying down next to him and he was almost asleep.

He then opened his eyes and looked at me with a cheeky smils and said: "I will **** you up"

I had an incident a couple of days ago which reminded me of this.

Put him to bed, he went to sleep fine. I go in later to chose the window a bit, check he's not too hot/cold etc....

He suddenly opens his eyes, and says in a quiet evil voice "Get....Out!!".

After checking that his head wasn't spinning and there was no green vomit on the walls, I strategically retreated.

 

[Illinois Nazi]

Here's one from Friday at the pop-up water park thing in Perth:

"I'm going to go and do a flip on the trampolines and see if they throw me off." (Child in question works at another Perth venue with trampolines and a similar list of rules including no doing flips)

One weekend in hospital later, he's out of action for 2-4 months with a broken arm.

 

[Punchy Bassett]

My two year old last weekend turned around and dropped for fs sake. Yeah proud moment.....

 

[radiojake]

My two year old last weekend turned around and dropped for fs sake. Yeah proud moment.....

Hopefully he embraced the inner spirit of his old man and threw his mouth guard on the ground as he did it...

 

[Tbonefreo]

These were not my biological kids but were my kids in the sense that I had duty of care for them. And with that semi-flimsy premise, I will post this story:

When I worked in a primary school in 1996, I was working on the library computer one day, when the door opened and a group of students came bursting in and headed towards the computers across the other side of the room. The class teacher came in a few seconds later and called out to one boy, "Daniel, I've told you not to run in the library!"
The boy replied instantly, "I wasn't running, I was power walking."

Haha that's a classic

 

[Punchy Bassett]

Hopefully he embraced the inner spirit of his old man and threw his mouth guard on the ground as he did it...

He had a grin as if I to say I know I shouldnt be saying it.

Then his mum heard him and said who said that to which he ran around saying daddy daddy daddy. I didn't by the way think he picked it up from his Aunty.

 

[LanceRomance]

Mrs Lance to LanceJr: We need to stop BabyLance from climbing down the stairs

LanceJr: Just F$%&ng let him

 

[Quivorir]

I hope my kid is even half as lippy as yours.

 

[Catfish Alley]

Does he really swear that much??

 

[LanceRomance]

Does he really swear that much??

not really but he does pop one out every now and then.

i was in the car with him the other day (just he and I). I could tell he was a bit restless so I said..."LanceJr, yell poo as loud as you can"
which brought him much joy.

then I asked him of he knew any other naughty words he wanted to shout out then he asked: "Dad can we say f @ck?"

 

[Catfish Alley]

Haha. My toddler isn't at that level. Poo, wee and farts is as blue as it gets. Hilarious to him though.

 

[LanceRomance]

Haha. My toddler isn't at that level. Poo, wee and farts is as blue as it gets. Hilarious to him though.

LanceJr is 5 now but yeah.. he loves all that stuff

 

[Catfish Alley]

Ah ok. My oldest is 3 in April. Something to look forward to I guess!

 

[LanceRomance]

Ah ok. My oldest is 3 in April. Something to look forward to I guess!

3 is when it starts

 

[Duritz]

And it doesn't end.

 

[04 Durif]

I got 4 yr old to pull my finger while I asked 2 yr old to check what was in my back pocket. Classic. 4 yr old made me apologise for being mean. 2 yr loved it. He will probably start asking for it in public.

 

[LanceRomance]

New contender in BabyLance.

I was lying on the floor and he pushed a cushion in to my face smothering it. as he was doing this he said softly.... "nigh nigh"

he is 15 months old.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

New contender in BabyLance.

I was lying on the floor and he pushed a cushion in to my face smothering it. as he was doing this he said softly.... "nigh nigh"

he is 15 months old.

Older brother's teaching him well.

#LR3.

 

[MP_]

I got 4 yr old to pull my finger while I asked 2 yr old to check what was in my back pocket. Classic. 4 yr old made me apologise for being mean. 2 yr loved it. He will probably start asking for it in public.

I wish I never taught my kids to fart in their hands and then put said hand in someone's face

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I wish I never taught my kids to fart in their hands and then put said hand in someone's face

CUPCAKE!