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Getting an Ex Back?

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13_Stitches said:
how long was it between breaking up and getting back together?
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About 24 months, but during that time we still hooked up a few times, had a month fling here and there etc
 

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13_Stitches said:
just got a message from her saying she wants to have a chat sometime today...
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She is keeping you on a string in case her relationship with the other guy doesn't work out, once someone has cheated on you things are never the same get on with your life and dump the bitch you'll find someone who really does love you, believe me.
 
she called me and we spoke for about 40 minutes or so. we never spoke about getting back together and i didn't emit any interest in gettting her back either.

it was more or less just a friendly catch up chat. we talked about what we're both doing; jobs, housing etc we talked about our friends and familys and occasionly some of the things we missed doing together. she brought up her ex and said she see's him about once a week still, but assured me again they were not together. and thats about it really, it kinda felt like nothing had changed between us, the banter was tantamount as if we were still together and i felt good or atleast better after talking to her.

i am in high spirits at the moment but i doubt that will last. i know that she is probably using me or keeping me "on a string" but i want to see where this leads.
 
That's cool dude, appears you are going to have to learn the hard way. Hopefully it isn't a ____ing really hard lesson coz you will spew big time when you realise it could have been avoided by listening to the many who have trod that path before.

your posts reek of desperation so there is no way you aren't parlaying that onto her and women can smell it a mile away. And nothing turns them off more than a desperate ex. They lose all respect for you.

If you are hell bent on getting her back, you have to truly act like you do not give a ____ and you are moving on and having a blast. Not talking about the things you missed doing together. :rolleyes:

Talking about all the wicked things you've been doing, friends you've caught up with, going out etc (lie if you have too). That's your only hope, and it has to be believable.

Just know that if you do get her back though, once things return to "normal" she'll ____ you over again, unless you keep up the hard ass prick act who doesn't care. So you are going to have to be fake to have any chance of getting what you want. sucks hey:(

too hard basket mate
 
13_Stitches said:
as hard as it is for me to admit i think you're actually right mate.
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footyfreak is always right - FACT!

13 stitches i'll leave you with this, my friend told me this and it's always stuck with me.

In life you can take the high road or the low road, the low road feels easier at the time but there's little reward. The high road is harder but the benefits are rewarding.

This is not a situation for you to be taking the low road matey.
 
13_Stitches said:
she called me and we spoke for about 40 minutes or so. we never spoke about getting back together and i didn't emit any interest in gettting her back either.

it was more or less just a friendly catch up chat. we talked about what we're both doing; jobs, housing etc we talked about our friends and familys and occasionly some of the things we missed doing together. she brought up her ex and said she see's him about once a week still, but assured me again they were not together. and thats about it really, it kinda felt like nothing had changed between us, the banter was tantamount as if we were still together and i felt good or atleast better after talking to her.

i am in high spirits at the moment but i doubt that will last. i know that she is probably using me or keeping me "on a string" but i want to see where this leads.
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riiiigggghhht.......and because you're so desperate you no doubt believe her.

As footyfreak wrote - your posts reek of desperation so there is no way you aren't parlaying that onto her and women can smell it a mile away.

I think you should message her and tell her the truth......that you're so desperate to get back with her that you're more than happy to share her with other guys if that's what it takes.
 
Suprised this is still going, so went back to the first post.

How old are you? First time 'love' is so very real, and so very hard to let go of. Especially if she was your 'first' (or vice-versa).

If that's the case, it might be she just needs to 'get it out of her system' and enjoy the benefits of being a young woman for a while. That's got to be ok with you - if it's not move on.

If it is, you do the same (enjoy the freedom, do what you want), then maybe months/years down the track you'll both realise it and work things through. But forcing the issue now won't work - you'll either be 'weak' for taking her back (and susceptible to it happening again) - or the 'friendship' will be destroyed, and any chance for love with it.

If it's not the case, then (at least) one of you is showing a hell of a lot of immaturity. Either you for 'hanging on', or her for throwing it away in search of cheap thrills.

If your in it for sex, then it's simply up to your moralistic view (are you prepared to share?) If your in it for a relationship, I'd walk away, for at LEAST three, four months. Tell her you need time, but don't see her, don't speak to her, etc. Make a 'date' you will call (suggest in 3 months time, perhaps for a birthday/christmas/etc), then don't think about her/talk with friends about her/etc.

Essentially, Move on and if in a while it (her/relationship) comes up, then see how you feel. But going back now just gives her absolute power in the relationship - and you have to ask, are the other benefits (sex, etc) worth it?
 
13, I've been where you are!! It's not fun. I know! But trust me when I say let her go. She will just end up doing it to you again
You can use the excuse that she's young and wants to get it out of her system, but I can guarantee that if she truely loved you she would not have done you the way she did!!!!! And it's highly likely that she'll do it to you again!!! And for her to casually tell you that she still sees her ex... she's throwing it in your face and playing games with you. Toying with you like a cat with a mouse. She's testing you to see how far she can push before you crack. Move on!
 

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13_Stitches...

Review all the replies in this thread. The 'nays' have it. ;)
 
13_Stitches said:
thats good advice and i did run, i live over 3 hours away from her now and i left basicly as soon as it was over, quit my job and left. i've been stopping myself from contacting her, yet waiting for her to contact me, i really do want to get back with her, but it's all up to her i guess.
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The facts:

Relationships going well. Ex-boyfriend shows up. She leaves and admits she's been 'seeing' him (that is girl talk for rooting btw) and smoking weed (which is harmless imo, but it doesn't sound like you're much of a smoker?).

IMO - she is trying to have a bit of a wild time at the moment and isn't at a stage in her life where she wants to settle down. You have two choices:

1. Sit around hoping she'll grow out of this stage, which she won't as long as you're waiting for her anyway, and try and get back with her.

2. Cut all ties completely. That includes talking to her family. Maybe do some travelling, go see the world and have some fun.

Or, my personal favourite:

Chainsaw + ex-girlfriend = no longer an issue
 
Aussiekate said:
Chief managed to put it all there plainly and simply, listen to nobody else but him the advice was GOLD!
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It was completely from a woman's perspective i.e. completely full of shit and under the false assumption that any woman, anywhere, can understand even the most basic concepts of logic. Something women, all women, without exception, can not do.

If you don't play games, you won't get girls. The only exception is 0.00001% of men who have a natural way with women (i.e. they're naturally arseholes and chicks love being treated like shit) where they don't have to 'play' any games, but for the rest of us average guys - you simply HAVE to learn to mess with a womans head and make her batshit, or she will want you for nothing more than a bit of fun (and by fun I don't mean the good kind of casual sex fun, I mean the "I'm going to **** with your head until you put a shotgun to your mouth kind of female "fun")
 
Karl Pilkington said:
It was completely from a woman's perspective i.e. completely full of shit and under the false assumption that any woman, anywhere, can understand even the most basic concepts of logic. Something women, all women, without exception, can not do.

If you don't play games, you won't get girls. The only exception is 0.00001% of men who have a natural way with women (i.e. they're naturally arseholes and chicks love being treated like shit) where they don't have to 'play' any games, but for the rest of us average guys - you simply HAVE to learn to mess with a womans head and make her batshit, or she will want you for nothing more than a bit of fun (and by fun I don't mean the good kind of casual sex fun, I mean the "I'm going to **** with your head until you put a shotgun to your mouth kind of female "fun")
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Somebody give this guy a medal :thumbsu:
 

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13_Stitches said:
she called me and we spoke for about 40 minutes or so. we never spoke about getting back together and i didn't emit any interest in gettting her back either.

it was more or less just a friendly catch up chat. we talked about what we're both doing; jobs, housing etc we talked about our friends and familys and occasionly some of the things we missed doing together. she brought up her ex and said she see's him about once a week still, but assured me again they were not together. and thats about it really, it kinda felt like nothing had changed between us, the banter was tantamount as if we were still together and i felt good or atleast better after talking to her.

i am in high spirits at the moment but i doubt that will last. i know that she is probably using me or keeping me "on a string" but i want to see where this leads.
Click to expand...


You asked earlier that you thought some people here may have gotten back with their ex but it seems like noone has. I did. Huge mistake. Dont even go there.

We went out for a couple of years...she ended it. I was shattered. Spent 4 months trying to get over it, went out with someone else which got the ex jealous and she tried to get me back. I broke up with my gf to go back out with her (it wasnt going anywhere with the 2nd one anyway), it lasted a month, we had one argument and it was over for good. Not only back to the beginning but worse off. Too much jealousy, lack of trust. Took me another 6 months to get over because she kept playing with my head....we'd talk a couple times a week...she'd treat me like crap if she was going on a date and would call me up if it went badly in tears with the whole 'i miss you' thing. Told her enough is enough and broke all ties with her. Havent spoken to her in 7 years. Best thing I could have done. As much as I thought she was the one and blah blah in the end I should have listened to those who gave me the same advice that youre getting from everyone here now. Move on. Hey...you took the first step, you moved away. See it as a fresh start.

As others have said, if shes been going out having stoned roots with other blokes and as youve said 'seeing her ex once a week' (which really means banging numerous times a week) is that really someone that screams 'rest of your life' material for you? Shes sitting on the fence. Shes trying to see if it works out with her ex...and others, but isnt cutting her ties with you because she knows she just has to snap her fingers and youll be back in a flash.

No matter how much fun you guys had together, she dropped you like a sack of crap to root around with her ex and other guys. Thats not good.

As others have said, if you are that intent on getting her back, then you hold the cards, not her...because right now shes got the whole deck. As others have said, tell her how much fun your having, tell her your seeing other girls, hell, next time she rings tell her you cant speak because youre getting ready to go on a date and to ring back tomorrow. She what she says. You hold the cards. At least then youll know if she really wants you back instead of her just sitting on the fence and you pining over it.

Another thing to think about is logistics. If you are three hours away from each other...whats gonna happen if you get back together? Are you gonna pack up and move back? What if it doesnt work out? Then youve wasted a bunch of time and have to move again. Long distance? Can you trust her if you both stay where you are? Its always gonna be in the back of your mind. I just dont think going back works too often.

In the end its your call. If you think shes worth it then by all means have a crack...but dont sit on your hands and do nothing and wait for her to call. The sooner you make a decision, the sooner you can make your choice on what to do and the sooner you can either give it another crack or move on to much better things.

fwiw, I dont care about my wife seeing her ex....he turned gay :D
 
Macca19 said:
You asked earlier that you thought some people here may have gotten back with their ex but it seems like noone has. I did. Huge mistake. Dont even go there.

We went out for a couple of years...she ended it. I was shattered. Spent 4 months trying to get over it, went out with someone else which got the ex jealous and she tried to get me back. I broke up with my gf to go back out with her (it wasnt going anywhere with the 2nd one anyway), it lasted a month, we had one argument and it was over for good. Not only back to the beginning but worse off. Too much jealousy, lack of trust. Took me another 6 months to get over because she kept playing with my head....we'd talk a couple times a week...she'd treat me like crap if she was going on a date and would call me up if it went badly in tears with the whole 'i miss you' thing. Told her enough is enough and broke all ties with her. Havent spoken to her in 7 years. Best thing I could have done. As much as I thought she was the one and blah blah in the end I should have listened to those who gave me the same advice that youre getting from everyone here now. Move on. Hey...you took the first step, you moved away. See it as a fresh start.

As others have said, if shes been going out having stoned roots with other blokes and as youve said 'seeing her ex once a week' (which really means banging numerous times a week) is that really someone that screams 'rest of your life' material for you? Shes sitting on the fence. Shes trying to see if it works out with her ex...and others, but isnt cutting her ties with you because she knows she just has to snap her fingers and youll be back in a flash.

No matter how much fun you guys had together, she dropped you like a sack of crap to root around with her ex and other guys. Thats not good.

As others have said, if you are that intent on getting her back, then you hold the cards, not her...because right now shes got the whole deck. As others have said, tell her how much fun your having, tell her your seeing other girls, hell, next time she rings tell her you cant speak because youre getting ready to go on a date and to ring back tomorrow. She what she says. You hold the cards. At least then youll know if she really wants you back instead of her just sitting on the fence and you pining over it.

Another thing to think about is logistics. If you are three hours away from each other...whats gonna happen if you get back together? Are you gonna pack up and move back? What if it doesnt work out? Then youve wasted a bunch of time and have to move again. Long distance? Can you trust her if you both stay where you are? Its always gonna be in the back of your mind. I just dont think going back works too often.

In the end its your call. If you think shes worth it then by all means have a crack...but dont sit on your hands and do nothing and wait for her to call. The sooner you make a decision, the sooner you can make your choice on what to do and the sooner you can either give it another crack or move on to much better things.

fwiw, I dont care about my wife seeing her ex....he turned gay :D
Click to expand...

Good post mate.

Like most people have suggested i'm just going to forget about her and get on with my life, it's probably the best thing and a lot of you have made me realise this. If she eventually does want to get back together down the track i will make my decision then based on how i feel. And i definently wont be moving back to her. If she wants me she can come to me, away from her friends, her ex and her family and prove that she really wants to be with me.
 
13_Stitches said:
Good post mate.

Like most people have suggested i'm just going to forget about her and get on with my life, it's probably the best thing and a lot of you have made me realise this. If she eventually does want to get back together down the track i will make my decision then based on how i feel. And i definently wont be moving back to her. If she wants me she can come to me, away from her friends, her ex and her family and prove that she really wants to be with me.
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yaya - now THATS what i'm talking about.
 
haha, i'll probably change my mind tommorow. it's driving me crazy and i honestly just dont give a fu*k anymore. just gunna start going out and seeing what i can get.
 
13_Stitches said:
haha, i'll probably change my mind tommorow. it's driving me crazy and i honestly just dont give a fu*k anymore. just gunna start going out and seeing what i can get.
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put her in your phone under 'do NOT answer', ignore her calls, texts and emails, when you're feeling better in a few weeks answer her call (if you want) but tell her you've moved on and that's it. YOu have to take control of this situation, atm, she has all the power and is leading you down the garden path. You have 2 choices, 1st is to follow her down the garden path and feel like a miserable, insecure twat, 2nd choice is to be happy and INDEPENDANT.

There's always 2 choices (atleast) :)

another thing to do is to see the cooling off period in terms of days, because if you look it as 'i'm never speaking to her again, it may feel liek the task is too big. Just say i'm not answering her calls today - and do that every morning, until you're back in control of your life. :)
 

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