Goodbye My Friend

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Today is a day where I have thought of you "The Scales"
never met you but my love and thoughts are with your family...tough times become easier,
bad thoughts pass....good times come to those who deserve.....
Merry Christmas all..and for those who struggle at this time of year, heads up, the ball will be bounced soon, be sure to stick around...
 
Scales now has a little 'RIP' badge attached to his profile. Putting it on there felt very sad and that was going to be the case no matter when we did it.

May we never forget what he added to this forum, and may we hope that he is at peace now. And, may his family be given all the strength they can to remember their father, and their partner, for his strengths and the good times he provided, and for the task of carrying on their lives without him- in person at least.

RIP.
 

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We've had the same discussion on the Fantasy Footy Board that was raised in the OP and it's amazing that once people talk about depression the amount of people who are out there who are sufferers or survivors.

We currently have a charity match planned - to participate please follow the link:

http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/charity-all-stars-exhibition-series-donate-to-play.1086780/

All money raised will go to Beyond Blue.

Sincerest condolences to The Scales family and friends.
 
The Scales said:
Hi Guys i am the partner of the Scales and I am not really sure how this site works but I will do my best. On Fri 28th Nov The Scales attempted to take his own life, after our daughter found him and administered CPR we were able to get him to hospital and he stayed in ICU for 5 days, on day 5 we lost him and the only joy that came out of this is that his organs were donated to many people. I wanted to let The Big Footy community know he loved this site almost as much as he loved EFC. The only other thing i want to say is if you feel down or depressed reach out there is always someone around to listen, men especially need to ask their mates if there ok because that simple question can save another family feeling the pain and anguish we are feeling. So on behalf of The Scales i say goodbye to you all. RIP my beautiful man
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I am saddened to hear on the passing of a respected member of the Big Footy community. Even more tragic is the circumstances of his passing. This issue is very close to my own experiences with tragic death of a family member (27yo) and others suffering from depression related illness. I wish to extend sincere condolences to your family and let's hope that the great moments that "The Scales" gave to his family remain an everlasting legacy to his future generation.

RIP "The Scales.

Also, if anyone is feeling like they need some help, please call Beyond Blue or see your GP. There is no shame in asking for help when you feel most vulnerable, angry, confused, etc. Don't take the attitude that "I'll be right". I know from personal experience that you never get right without help.
 
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My brother is currently in a pretty dark place. He's almost 18.

Until about the age of 14, he was an active and happy kid. Something went wrong and, almost four years later, we're all still none the wiser as to what the tipping point was. And the reason for that is, put simply, he has shut himself off and refuses to talk about it.

It's been a gradual thing- at about 14 he stopped playing club sport. His grades at school began to decline, gradually, and by halfway through Year 11, he was failing every subject. Concurrent with that and increasing propensity to binge eating of junk food, his weight has steadily increased and he is now probably tipping the scales at about 130kg. For a boy of six foot flat, that is not healthy.

The situation is becoming increasingly desperate. We all long since gave up the idea of him getting any sort of decent ATAR score (he's in Year 12 this year), but at least he was still attending happily enough. Lately, even that has stopped- apparently (I don't live with him so all of this is largely based on my father's accounts) he just flat out refuses to get out of bed some days.

He also suffers from a congenital heart disorder, one which is meant to be monitored and one which was originally meant to be operated on when he gets to roughly...you guessed it, 18. For the last couple of years, he's refused to go to monitoring check ups for that, and it's fair to say given his heart situation, he can absolutely ill afford to be obese too.

My father and his partner have been through nearly every possible scenario, racking their brains as to what is behind this. Is he gay? Says no. Bullied at school? Says no. Has he suffered abuse of an even more sinister variety? Says no.

He says no to everything, and as easy as it can be to sit on the sidelines in these situations and think "why don't the parents just drag him to a psychologist?", when you have someone who point blank refuses to help themselves and moreover, gives you no strong pointers besides the general mien of being depressed, it is fiendishly hard to know what to do. He simply refuses to talk about it with anyone, let alone a specialist. He also hasn't threatened self harm or anything of the sort, so there isn't exactly grounds to bring in a CAT team, for example.

As his brother, it's hard to watch and I have not a ******* clue how to help him. None of us do.
 
Sorry to hear man.

The offers to help and the desire to find out really can seem so futile sometimes. As men too, it is really hard to sit idly by and let him make decisions for himself in refusing help of any kind too.

Don't underestimate your awareness of the situation, and keeping close tabs so that if and when there is a window that he lets you in, you are there to make the most of it.
 
Doss my heart goes out to you and your family. As a parent of a son who suffers depression I have faced the whole 'just take him to a psychologist' scenario but you can't force them to go.
Unfortunately the adage you can't help someone who isn't prepared to help themselves is so true. All you can do is be there and just hope that today is the day where your brother finally asks for help.
My daughter read your words and with tears in her eyes said that your words are so true it is so very hard to watch your brother go through this and no one knows what to do
 
I must admit the feeling of not having a clue what to do is a hard one to deal with, and the fact my brother deliberately took after me in several ways kind of accentuates that. He took an interest in history as a young kid because he'd see me reading history books for school and uni when I was about his age now. He started following Essendon as a tiny tacker because I followed them. He regurgitated all sorts of things a young kid by all rights shouldn't (as in, it was beyond the level of a kid of a young age to understand) because he'd probably heard me saying the exact same thing at some point along the journey.

We're nine years apart in age. So when he began to go downhill, I was 22 or 23 and, I suppose, life was becoming ever busier and more hectic for me. I wasn't there as a brother as much as I should have been. And, because it's been something of a slow burn, it was a decline that was easy to miss in a lot of ways (his bulging waste line aside).

Not claiming I could have made a real difference- my father, his partner and my sister have been there all along, every day, through this gradual decline and they haven't stopped it. But still.

I had breakfast with my sister this morning before she went off to school (she's almost 15 and in Year 10) and she professed to me how worried she is about him too. Hearing my not even yet 15 year old sister saying that was very sobering indeed. Making it even more surreal is that she is the absolute polar opposite of him- straight As, playing so much sport I can't even keep track of all her teams anymore, an ever increasing social circle that is almost dizzying it moves so fast, doing school debating, playing piano with distinction; sometimes it's hard to believe they've been brought up under the same roof.

Cheers for the kind words, though. As people said, you just have to keep trying to be there and hoping the penny will drop one day. I just hope that day is soon.
 
Red Black and Blue said:
As someone who's been through it, I can't recommend anti-depressants enough. Check out Fluoxetine, did wonders for me.
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I'm not sure what anti depressants my son is now on but they seem to be working too.
The thing is he took a long time (approx 5 years) to get to the point where he wanted to do something about it. Five years where I would ask myself is today the day where my son will ask for help. Or is today the day where his demon takes him away from us.

Red Black and Blue I'm so happy that you have found something that's working for you.
 

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Harlequin said:
I'm not sure what anti depressants my son is now on but they seem to be working too.
The thing is he took a long time (approx 5 years) to get to the point where he wanted to do something about it. Five years where I would ask myself is today the day where my son will ask for help. Or is today the day where his demon takes him away from us.

Red Black and Blue I'm so happy that you have found something that's working for you.
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Took me a similar amount of time to get treated as well. Probably seems like an oxymoron, but despite the depression and anxiety I had confidence I would be able to push through it by myself. Eventually I realised it's more biology than psychology, and no matter how much I tried to work through it, my brain wasn't regulating chemicals (serotonin and dopamine) properly. Once that was treated, it was amazing how much control I had again.

Looking back on it, having depression did wonders for me as a person. Came out the other side a lot more thankful and empathetic than I went in. I guess being introspective for so long helps you understand what is important to you.
 
Red Black and Blue said:
As someone who's been through it, I can't recommend anti-depressants enough. Check out Fluoxetine, did wonders for me.
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I went the other way, and although had a prescription, decided against taking them.

I might add, not through any real opposition, more stubbornness. I think that my broken mind thought that I needed to beat it myself, although the complete opposite was almost the case. Perhaps there was also a case of comfort in the way I was feeling. It was familiar and it was real, even though it was terrible.

Red Black and Blue said:
Looking back on it, having depression did wonders for me as a person.
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This sounds so stupid to a lot of people, but I agree completely. Certainly in my working field it has helped me greatly. Wouldn't make it a pathway I suggest anyone seeks out though.
 
Therein lies the problem I think especially with my son.
He thought he could beat it himself and that he was weak because he couldn't which led to him sinking further and further into the abyss
Then there's the just get over it comments
 
There's no right or wrong standard when it comes to medicating.

My mother has been on medication of some sort for 48 years. Has it helped her? Yep. Has it eradicated her illness completely? Not even close. If I had to put a number on it, I'd say it makes her about 40-50% better.

Point is, no two people are the same.
 
Andronicus said:
I went the other way, and although had a prescription, decided against taking them.

I might add, not through any real opposition, more stubbornness. I think that my broken mind thought that I needed to beat it myself, although the complete opposite was almost the case. Perhaps there was also a case of comfort in the way I was feeling. It was familiar and it was real, even though it was terrible.
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I was same for a long time, had a prescription for years without taking it. Fear of side effects/loss of personality. Would go through stages where I felt I had beaten it, before work stresses would add up, my sleeping would become restless and I'd find myself back in a horrible state. Ultimately my fears were pointless, my side effects were minor if at all and I felt more like myself on the tablets than I had for years, probably even further back than when I had been aware of my depression.
 
Apologies for the intrusion.

And while my hatred of your club is running at an all time high right about now, I don't want to come across as being glib or insincere in any way by saying this....but it's a shame The Scales isn't around to celebrate yesterday's decision.

He fought the good fight for you guys on a number of occasions. I'm sure he would have enjoyed the verdict as much as anyone.

Again, sorry for the intrusion. Back to the revelry....
 
One year on. Time flies.

Not forgotten.
 
Beerfish said:
One year on. Time flies.

Not forgotten.
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A scary reminder of how fast time is flying, isn't it?

Scales, I hope things are ship shape up there and that you're looking down on your loved ones and keeping them on the straight and narrow.

In the unlikely event that anyone who knew Scales personally reads this (whether they be family or friends), my thoughts are with you today.
 
Doss said:
A scary reminder of how fast time is flying, isn't it?

Scales, I hope things are ship shape up there and that you're looking down on your loved ones and keeping them on the straight and narrow.

In the unlikely event that anyone who knew Scales personally reads this (whether they be family or friends), my thoughts are with you today.
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How's your brother going?
 
Runknisse said:
How's your brother going?
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He recently finished school. There were many times when we thought he wouldn't get there- that he'd drop out- but he made it in the end.

He didn't sit any exams so he won't get an ATAR score, but it's something at least. The notion that you're screwed if you don't get a great ATAR is stupid. I got a great ATAR (or ENTER as it was then) and it's not done me that much good.

He's currently working his casual job about four shifts a week, or 28-32 hours. So he's at least making some money; what he's spending it on (likely junk food) is another matter, but I'd rather he at least be working than sitting at home playing video games.

Recently he's been going out more. He went to an 18th of a friend recently, and at the time that surprised me a bit, but it was a good surprise. He also recently went away with a few mates from school, essentially for his schoolies. That too was a welcome surprise. And, the other day he even went (by himself, but still) to the ACDC concert. Again, at the start of this year I'm not sure I could have envisaged that. Anything that takes him away from the cave of his own room is a positive. There was a stage when, apart from school (when he went), the only occasions he got out of the house was to come to the footy with me.

I think there's been just a slight upswing in the past half year or so. He's still got a long way to go and no doubt some very steep challenges ahead, but I'm more optimistic about his future than I was a year ago; I was really worried then. I still am worried, but I can see just a few orbs of light at the end of the tunnel seeping through for him now.

The realities of full time work mean that I don't get to spend as much time with him as I'd like, but we have a good time when we do and as his older brother, it's my duty to help him. Our sister, who is home with him far more than I, seems to think he's just slightly turned the corner too.

They couldn't be more different, the two of them, but as my little brother and sister I try and look out of them as best as I can. Sister isn't a worry, in fact quite the opposite; she stars at everything she turns her hand to, has it all together, gets As on everything, is a social butterfly, that sort of thing.

Basically, brother still has a long way to go but I have some hope that 2015 will in retrospect be the year he began, gradually, to turn things around.
 
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