Roast Hawthorn related jokes.

This is an adapted joke but it works well here.

It's 2015. A guy walks into a mate's place to watch a Hawks vs Blues match. At the end of the game, the siren goes and his mate's 11 year old son gets out of the chair and goes to the fridge and gets his dad a beer.

The guest sees this and asks "What was that all about?"

"Oh that? Well every time the hawks beat the blues he gets me a beer from the fridge."

"what does he doi if the Blues beat the Hawks?"

"I don't know. It's never happened. He's only 11."
 
Not what I would call a joke
Snow white was walking with the seven dwarves, when the ground gave way and the dwarves fell into a deep cavern in the ground, they were so far down she couldn't see them in the dark.

She called out, is everyone OK? A voice called back with "Richmond will be premiership contenders next year."

"OK," thought Snow White, at least Dopey's survived.
 

Hawks1994

Norm Smith Medallist
Aug 22, 2010
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Not what I would call a joke
thatsthejoke.jpg
 

Bonscott1980

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Dec 29, 2013
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Box hill hawks
Bloke walking down the beach one day found a lamp,gave it a rub and a genie appeared I will give you one wish he says.the bloke thinks I would like a bridge from Australia to America so i can drive the family over to Disneyland,the genie thinks about it can't be done the expense the engendering.the bloke agrees ok he says i want freo to win AFL grand final.the genie go's would that be 2 lanes or 4
 
There once was a bloke named David King who tipped the swans to win the 2014 grand final by 60-odd points.

Good one kingy...
 

Wandering Hawk

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May 19, 2014
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Was at footy and overheard some North supporters in row ahead talking crap about Puopolo.

Pointed out delightedly (preachy voice) to girlfriend that there actually were North supporters. Now she had seen some and could tell her dubious grand kids that they once had definitely had fans, and that she'd seen them with her own bare eyes. What joy to a footy follower. Like a hunter finally seeing Bigfoot or Mulder getting a photo of his aliens on X files or a dying priest seeing the beatific vision... Waxed on that they hadn't actually all died out after the nineties, and weren't just a myth like Elvis or GWS supporters.
 
John Longmire steps out onto the SCG before a training session. Right in front of him, in the grass he sees "Longmire sux as a coach." written in urine. Well, old Horse is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's office, and yells "Somebody wrote a message on the ground! And they wrote it in urine! The guy had to be standing right on the boundary near the 50 m arc when he did it! Where were you guys?!"

The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Longmire hollers "Well, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"

The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr Longmire, we have some bad news and we have some REALLY bad news. Which do you want first?"

Longmire says "Give me the bad news first."

The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it.

The results just came back, and it was Lance Franklin's urine."

Longmire says "I feel so, so, betrayed! My best player. Well, what's the REALLY bad news?"

The officer replies "Well, it's your wife's handwriting."
 
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I saw the boundary umpire from Eddie Betts' goal from the boundary earlier in the year. I started insulting him. He didn't bat an eyelid. Then I started insulting his kids.

One of my mates said "don't you think that's going a bit far? What if he comes at you with a weapon?"

"I'll be fine" I said "he can't tell when I've crossed the line."
 
A man got a wish from a genie and he asked for immortality. The genie told him that was against the rules. So he asked to stay alive until richmond played north melbourne in a grand final. The genie said "you crafty bastard!"
 
On a tour of Australia, the Pope took a few days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Collingwood jumper, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Hawks shirts. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while the other two reached out and pulled the black and white semiconscious magpie supporter from the water. Then, using the long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.
Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatreds between the Hawks and the Magpies, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his pals, "who was that?"
"It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."
"Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another one?"
 

Wandering Hawk

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May 19, 2014
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A group of kids are surfing several hundred meters off Bondi Beach when the dorsal fins of a pack of sharks arrive. The kids are in deep trouble and look sure to be eaten when a man jogging on the beach hears their cries and comes heroically swimming to their aid. He fights off the sharks and even kills one with his bare hands, and leads the frightened kids back through the waves to the beach amidst the cheers of onlookers.

'That was the most heroic thing I've ever seen', says a journalist pushing his way through the crowd that has gathered. 'by your clothes I can tell you're a athlete, yes?'
That's right, says our hero, I'm a captain of a team in the afl and I was just on holidays jogging here when it happened.
Fantastic, cries the journo, I can see the headline now:

Swans skipper saves kids from shark!!!

Yeah, says our hero, but I'm actually from Hawthorn, not the Swans.
...
The next day the headline reads:

Hawks skipper kills kids pet!!!
 

A Diakos

Club Legend
Apr 17, 2012
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Hawthorn
It's 2015. A guy walks into a mate's place to watch a Hawks vs Blues match. At the end of the game, the siren goes and his mate's 11 year old son gets out of the chair and goes to the fridge and gets his dad a beer.

The guest sees this and asks "What was that all about?"

"Oh that? Well every time the hawks beat the blues he gets me a beer from the fridge."

"what does he doi if the Blues beat the Hawks?"

"I don't know. It's never happened. He's only 11."

this is a good one…i might share with our Blue friends
 
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