Family & Relationships Help for people with severe drug problems

nicky

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Thread starter #1
I have a friend with a severe drug problem. As soon as her partner goes away on a business trip she goes on a bender which usually lasts until he gets back but lately she can't even stop herself then.

In the past i've received phone calls from her worried family members asking for my help. I talk to her, she stops for a while but then after a while she can't help herself. It doesn't help that she knows so many dickheads only too willing to give her free drugs.

She's self medicating, but in the 17 years of knowing her i'm still unsure of the core underlying issue.

Her little brother rang me last night worried about her and told me some of the antics she'd been up to that day; including locking herself out of her place; her brother having to ring her partner to put house keys in a cab from the airport; she had to catch a cab to her brothers work where she arrived with no shoes; i also got a call from her asking if she'd left her phone at my place (she was on her phone and hadn't been to my place for days) - just beyond scattered. It would be ok if this was out of the ordinary but it's not.

Her partner (whom she is engaged to) is obviously going to keep his hand in the sand about the issue. I worry that if this came out in the open (even though he knows, he just must) he would leave her as he's very straight and forbade her a long time ago from taking party drugs. I believe this means she will not go to rehab as that would mean bringing it out in the open.

Going to NA meetings is a no go avenue for her as this will just widen her network for scoring drugs. She makes friends easily because people like her and she knows how to get what she wants from them.

Does anyone have advice on how to help someone with a severe drug problem? She's a sweet girl, pretty sure she has borderline personality disorder so have sent her bro some links on DBT. This will end up killing her as she combines lethal combinations of xanax etc with amphetamines.
 

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neroblack

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#2
There's not much I can say that wont sound like something you've heard at some point before, but I'll give it a shot anyhow. From what I've been through myself and with a few close mates, it's usually not whatever they're taking/using/drinking that is the real problem, it's just that what they're doing is kinda related to something else. Some people have a seriously addictive personality and can latch onto various things at different times, some of them not so harmful, but others very damaging to either themself or someone else, financially, physically, etc. Some people like a few mates of mine are more obvious reasons, like being in the army for example..

I guess I'd try to find out the reason why more than anything, and not just look at ways to stop her going out and getting smashed when she has the chance to do so.
 

checkraiseulite

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#3
Is she going on the benders when her partner goes away because she's bored and lonely? Or, is she going on the benders when her partner goes away because that's the only time she can do it?
 

nicky

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Thread starter #4
She's doing it then because that is the only time she can do it.
 

hayes

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#5
There's probably nothing harder than trying to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. Maybe try telling her she has a serious problem and everyone's worried, and that if she doesn't stop the fiance is going to find out and she risks her world falling apart. I very much doubt she'll be able to get away with these benders for the rest of her life, better to stop before it's too late.
 

nicky

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Thread starter #6
Her fiance pretty much found out (caught her) but doesn't know the extent of it. Her parents, brother and myself have convinced her to go into rehab (a private psych hospital). She has a habit of paying lip service but now that her fiance knows the only way he'll stay is if she gets help.
 

Papa Juggs

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#9
Meth is extremely serious.

Smoking too much turns people into zombie incapable of a normal human emotional response.

There is actually a point of no return. It's scary. Actual brain damage.
 

J_Moore

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#10
You can't really help her if she doesn't want to be helped, and it doesn't sound like she does, because she thinks she's getting away with it.

I'd probably just tell the fiancee the full extent of it now. And if she goes to rehab and than relapses, I wouldn't help keep that under wraps either.

You'll lose her as a friend, at least for a while, probably forever, but **** it. If she continues down the path she's on you'll lose her as a friend anyway.
 

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#12
Her fiance pretty much found out (caught her) but doesn't know the extent of it. Her parents, brother and myself have convinced her to go into rehab (a private psych hospital). She has a habit of paying lip service but now that her fiance knows the only way he'll stay is if she gets help.
In my personal experiences, I'd suggest helping her to see a psychologist or the like first. You can't just go to rehab like it's a magic solution. The underlying mental health issues will need to be addressed first. This should also help to prepare her for the reality of the situation and make her WANT the help.
It's a tough road and her fiance needs to be on board 100% and part of the process. He has a very important role to play. Good luck, feel free to pm me if there is anything I can offer I've been through a very similar situation
 

bunsen burner

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#13
There's not much I can say that wont sound like something you've heard at some point before, but I'll give it a shot anyhow. From what I've been through myself and with a few close mates, it's usually not whatever they're taking/using/drinking that is the real problem, it's just that what they're doing is kinda related to something else. Some people have a seriously addictive personality and can latch onto various things at different times, some of them not so harmful, but others very damaging to either themself or someone else, financially, physically, etc. Some people like a few mates of mine are more obvious reasons, like being in the army for example..

I guess I'd try to find out the reason why more than anything, and not just look at ways to stop her going out and getting smashed when she has the chance to do so.
"If you want help, let me know. I'll be here for you"

Then do nothing. There is no point.
 
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#14
I have a friend with a severe drug problem. As soon as her partner goes away on a business trip she goes on a bender which usually lasts until he gets back but lately she can't even stop herself then.
Long bump, but did your friend end up getting help?
 
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