Australia Declares Market In Taliban
SYDNEY : Australia has responded to yesterday's announcement by Afghanistan's ruling Taliban regime declaring a jihad, or holy war, on the Australian people.
Network executives from free-to-air Channel Ten launched the first salvo with this morning's announcement that the four Afghanistan TV stations will immediately begin screening eight episodes of Neighbours a day.
"We wanted to do our bit for the war effort," enthused Ten spokeswoman Sandra Sully. "Today they screened Neighbours episode #1. It won't be long before they are addicted to quality Australian programming, and start embracing our culture and lifestyle."
"Yep, we sure learnt a lot from our old pals, the Americans. But wait for the real payload," added Defence Minister Peter Reith. "It won't be long before we start seeing the Jason and Kylie effect."
The groundwork behind this initiative was laid when the Australian Bureau of Statistics released a paper last week indicating that no-one who's ever hummed the Neighbours theme song has ever attacked Australia.
Channel Seven are expected to announce their Summer Bay Infiltration Campaign tonight. The government-owned ABC has stated that their "SeaChange" series is far too harmful to innocent civilians and livestock and will only be deployed in the event of dire national emergency.
-- pb --