Media Important announcement from the desk of Headless (ATTN: omgfridge)

[serial_thrilla]

Okay, now I'm 100% certain that this is an expansion team announcement. NaturalDisaster have you been informed of this?

 

[PMBangers]

Okay, now I'm 100% certain that this is an expansion team announcement. NaturalDisaster have you been informed of this?

Please, I'd never be on a team with por_please_ya

 

[serial_thrilla]

Please, I'd never be on a team with por_please_ya

 

[Smartys Power]

Bleep.

 

[Marlowe]

Oh Kennedy Parker

 

[GremioPower]

After porps’ glass was knocked over, we all got to work on the clean-up process. You see, we – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are all such wonderfully close friends, and we all wanted to contribute to a clean and welcome present environment – that is, Yak’s Christmas tree room.

But there was an issue. I could tell that something was upsetting my dear friend manangatang. That is to say, I had the physical capacity to tell PMBangers – and I did.

I said, “PMBangers, something is upsetting my dear friend manangatang.”

PMBangers didn’t respond – they were too busy flittering around the room telling everybody that they were cheeky devils. Every several moments, PMBangers stopped flittering to stand up straight – and we’re talking STRAIGHT – and say, “flippity flippity flummox!” But I need to get to my very important announcement, so I won’t elaborate.

I went up to manangatang, and said, “mang, something seems to be bothering you.”

mang said, “BOTHERING me? What do you MEAN?”

I said, “to bother: (of a circumstance or event) worry, disturb, or upset (someone).”

You won’t believe what manang told me next, but I’m going to tell you anyway. He said that there was a dog saying “woof!” next door.

At least, that’s what I thought he meant.

It turns out he actually meant there was a dog saying “woof next door!”, but the dog certainly wasn’t next door. Oh, no – that would be ludicrous.

Instead, the dog was on the ROOF. That is to say, the Really Orange Oblong Floor. And, of course, he was right – the dog WAS on the Really Orange Oblong Floor, and the dog WAS saying “woof next door!”

Nobody else seemed to notice. In fact, GWS Goose was determined to make it clear to everybody that there was no dog saying “woof next door!” on the Really Orange Oblong Floor.

GWS Goose said, “hey Marlowe, guess what ISN’T on the ROOF!”

Marlowe said, “hmm, is it a small cup of gelati?”

As you can imagine, Smartys Power involuntarily said “bleep” at least 3-4 times.

GWS Goose said, “yes!”

Marlowe said, “oh, great!”

Smartys Power said, “bleep.”

Yakker said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

Smartys Power said, “bleep.”

GWS Goose said, “but there’s also something else that ISN’T on the ROOF!”

Marlowe said, “what is it?”

GWS Goose said, “a dog saying ‘woof next door!’”

manangatang said, “I’ve had it up to pussy’s BOW with this dog. The dog keeps WOOFING. The dog is such a BARKER.”

And immediately, Kennedy Parker knocked on the door, and said, “you rang?”

I had to explain to Kennedy Parker that, in fact, we had not mentioned him, and that mang had said "BARKER", not "Kennedy Parker". I had to explain that mang was displeased because he could hear a dog saying “woof next door!” after porps’ glass was knocked over following a game of the popular card game UNO™ in the present environment – that is, Yak’s Christmas tree room – where our group was sleeping after a typical gelati/congee mix-up on the back of a successful fan purchase from Kmart, which was required because Yakker no longer had a connected garden hose to water his yukkas a trifle too enthusiastically after we left the local café (The Local Café), which served very thin hats, where we went after being literally and figuratively gobsmacked, which came about because my dear friend manangatang and I went for a stroll and saw a swan.

It was not a hilarious mix-up.

But then Kennedy Parker explained that there was no dog at all, and the he was the one saying “woof next door!” all along.

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the eleven of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

Why have you stopped tagging BLUEALLTHRU, Headless?

 

[Tonga Bob]

 

[GWS Goose]

Okay, now I'm 100% certain that this is an expansion team announcement. NaturalDisaster have you been informed of this?

It would be a formidable squad if true.

 

[Kennedy Parker]

After porps’ glass was knocked over, we all got to work on the clean-up process. You see, we – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are all such wonderfully close friends, and we all wanted to contribute to a clean and welcome present environment – that is, Yak’s Christmas tree room.

But there was an issue. I could tell that something was upsetting my dear friend manangatang. That is to say, I had the physical capacity to tell PMBangers – and I did.

I said, “PMBangers, something is upsetting my dear friend manangatang.”

PMBangers didn’t respond – they were too busy flittering around the room telling everybody that they were cheeky devils. Every several moments, PMBangers stopped flittering to stand up straight – and we’re talking STRAIGHT – and say, “flippity flippity flummox!” But I need to get to my very important announcement, so I won’t elaborate.

I went up to manangatang, and said, “mang, something seems to be bothering you.”

mang said, “BOTHERING me? What do you MEAN?”

I said, “to bother: (of a circumstance or event) worry, disturb, or upset (someone).”

You won’t believe what manang told me next, but I’m going to tell you anyway. He said that there was a dog saying “woof!” next door.

At least, that’s what I thought he meant.

It turns out he actually meant there was a dog saying “woof next door!”, but the dog certainly wasn’t next door. Oh, no – that would be ludicrous.

Instead, the dog was on the ROOF. That is to say, the Really Orange Oblong Floor. And, of course, he was right – the dog WAS on the Really Orange Oblong Floor, and the dog WAS saying “woof next door!”

Nobody else seemed to notice. In fact, GWS Goose was determined to make it clear to everybody that there was no dog saying “woof next door!” on the Really Orange Oblong Floor.

GWS Goose said, “hey Marlowe, guess what ISN’T on the ROOF!”

Marlowe said, “hmm, is it a small cup of gelati?”

As you can imagine, Smartys Power involuntarily said “bleep” at least 3-4 times.

GWS Goose said, “yes!”

Marlowe said, “oh, great!”

Smartys Power said, “bleep.”

Yakker said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

Smartys Power said, “bleep.”

GWS Goose said, “but there’s also something else that ISN’T on the ROOF!”

Marlowe said, “what is it?”

GWS Goose said, “a dog saying ‘woof next door!’”

manangatang said, “I’ve had it up to pussy’s BOW with this dog. The dog keeps WOOFING. The dog is such a BARKER.”

And immediately, Kennedy Parker knocked on the door, and said, “you rang?”

I had to explain to Kennedy Parker that, in fact, we had not mentioned him, and that mang had said "BARKER", not "Kennedy Parker". I had to explain that mang was displeased because he could hear a dog saying “woof next door!” after porps’ glass was knocked over following a game of the popular card game UNO™ in the present environment – that is, Yak’s Christmas tree room – where our group was sleeping after a typical gelati/congee mix-up on the back of a successful fan purchase from Kmart, which was required because Yakker no longer had a connected garden hose to water his yukkas a trifle too enthusiastically after we left the local café (The Local Café), which served very thin hats, where we went after being literally and figuratively gobsmacked, which came about because my dear friend manangatang and I went for a stroll and saw a swan.

It was not a hilarious mix-up.

But then Kennedy Parker explained that there was no dog at all, and the he was the one saying “woof next door!” all along.

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the eleven of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

After the eleven of us - that's manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Headless and Kennedy Parker from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com had finished whatever it was we were doing. Headless suddenly got a phone call, he picked up and proceeded to speak with the caller.

Headless said, "Oh yes, that sounds like a wonderful opportunity! I'll be available to begin filming tomorrow for sure!"

I said, "Who was that Headless?"

Headless said, "That was my manager Metalcrusher, he had secured me a unique business arrangement with a prominent pharmaceutical company and I've been offered an opportunity to film an advertisement for my very own brand product."

I said, "Oh how exciting! What's the product?"

Headless said, "It's going to be called Headless' Super Effective Haemorrhoid Cream. They said I would be the ideal candidate to sponsor for a product like this because when you're a specialist interchange player, you can spend prolonged periods of time sitting. And you know what happens when you sit for too long? You start developing haemorrhoids! I've developed some legendary haemorrhoids over the past two seasons and I need a legendary haemorrhoid cream to cure my chronic anal bleeding."

Smartys stood up and offered a toast, "Congratulations to our good friend Headless, who today achieved the zenith of an interchange player's career, attaining a sponsorship from a haemorrhoid cream manufacturer. Welcome to the club mate!"

The entire room applauded.

Except for... PMBangers who stood up and said, "It's great that you've gotten your name on a haemorrhoid cream brand Headless. But isn't it a bit perverse that something so important to the health of interchange players all over Sweet is sold for profit? I think it's more appropriate for it to be deemed a human right because whether you're rich like the Gold City Royals or destitute like the Fighting Furies, ALL people deserve to be free from haemorrhoids-"

In the midst of PMBangers' rousing speech, the doorbell rang.

I went to open the door and standing there was ClarkeM.

ClarkeM said, "You rang?"

I said, "Umm no I don't believe I did. You rang in fact."

ClarkeM said, "No, no, I was sure I heard you all mention my name multiple times."

I said, "I don't think so, we were discussing Headless' new sponsorship deal with a haemorrhoid cream."

ClarkeM said, "AH there, haemorrhoid, you mentioned me again."

I said, "I don't understand. Your name is 'ClarkeM', not 'haemorrhoid'."

ClarkeM laughed and then explained, "Haha, it's a funny story, the name ClarkeM actually means haemorrhoid in Swahili so you actually have been mentioning me all this time."

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the twelve of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker, ClarkeM and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

 

[Metalcrusher]

After the eleven of us - that's manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Headless and Kennedy Parker from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com had finished whatever it was we were doing. Headless suddenly got a phone call, he picked up and proceeded to speak with the caller.

Headless said, "Oh yes, that sounds like a wonderful opportunity! I'll be available to begin filming tomorrow for sure!"

I said, "Who was that Headless?"

Headless said, "That was my manager Metalcrusher, he had secured me a unique business arrangement with a prominent pharmaceutical company and I've been offered an opportunity to film an advertisement for my very own brand product."

I said, "Oh how exciting! What's the product?"

Headless said, "It's going to be called Headless' Super Effective Haemorrhoid Cream. They said I would be the ideal candidate to sponsor for a product like this because when you're a specialist interchange player, you can spend prolonged periods of time sitting. And you know what happens when you sit for too long? You start developing haemorrhoids! I've developed some legendary haemorrhoids over the past two seasons and I need a legendary haemorrhoid cream to cure my chronic anal bleeding."

Smartys stood up and offered a toast, "Congratulations to our good friend Headless, who today achieved the zenith of an interchange player's career, attaining a sponsorship from a haemorrhoid cream manufacturer. Welcome to the club mate!"

The entire room applauded.

Except for... PMBangers who stood up and said, "It's great that you've gotten your name on a haemorrhoid cream brand Headless. But isn't it a bit perverse that something so important to the health of interchange players all over Sweet is sold for profit? I think it's more appropriate for it to be deemed a human right because whether you're rich like the Gold City Royals or destitute like the Fighting Furies, ALL people deserve to be free from haemorrhoids-"

In the midst of PMBangers' rousing speech, the doorbell rang.

I went to open the door and standing there was ClarkeM.

ClarkeM said, "You rang?"

I said, "Umm no I don't believe I did. You rang in fact."

ClarkeM said, "No, no, I was sure I heard you all mention my name multiple times."

I said, "I don't think so, we were discussing Headless' new sponsorship deal with a haemorrhoid cream."

ClarkeM said, "AH there, haemorrhoid, you mentioned me again."

I said, "I don't understand. Your name is 'ClarkeM', not 'haemorrhoid'."

ClarkeM laughed and then explained, "Haha, it's a funny story, the name ClarkeM actually means haemorrhoid in Swahili so you actually have been mentioning me all this time."

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the twelve of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker, ClarkeM and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

I'll take that back handed slap because I love what Headless is doing! I think its bloody brilliant!

 

[PMBangers]

After the eleven of us - that's manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Headless and Kennedy Parker from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com had finished whatever it was we were doing. Headless suddenly got a phone call, he picked up and proceeded to speak with the caller.

Headless said, "Oh yes, that sounds like a wonderful opportunity! I'll be available to begin filming tomorrow for sure!"

I said, "Who was that Headless?"

Headless said, "That was my manager Metalcrusher, he had secured me a unique business arrangement with a prominent pharmaceutical company and I've been offered an opportunity to film an advertisement for my very own brand product."

I said, "Oh how exciting! What's the product?"

Headless said, "It's going to be called Headless' Super Effective Haemorrhoid Cream. They said I would be the ideal candidate to sponsor for a product like this because when you're a specialist interchange player, you can spend prolonged periods of time sitting. And you know what happens when you sit for too long? You start developing haemorrhoids! I've developed some legendary haemorrhoids over the past two seasons and I need a legendary haemorrhoid cream to cure my chronic anal bleeding."

Smartys stood up and offered a toast, "Congratulations to our good friend Headless, who today achieved the zenith of an interchange player's career, attaining a sponsorship from a haemorrhoid cream manufacturer. Welcome to the club mate!"

The entire room applauded.

Except for... PMBangers who stood up and said, "It's great that you've gotten your name on a haemorrhoid cream brand Headless. But isn't it a bit perverse that something so important to the health of interchange players all over Sweet is sold for profit? I think it's more appropriate for it to be deemed a human right because whether you're rich like the Gold City Royals or destitute like the Fighting Furies, ALL people deserve to be free from haemorrhoids-"

In the midst of PMBangers' rousing speech, the doorbell rang.

I went to open the door and standing there was ClarkeM.

ClarkeM said, "You rang?"

I said, "Umm no I don't believe I did. You rang in fact."

ClarkeM said, "No, no, I was sure I heard you all mention my name multiple times."

I said, "I don't think so, we were discussing Headless' new sponsorship deal with a haemorrhoid cream."

ClarkeM said, "AH there, haemorrhoid, you mentioned me again."

I said, "I don't understand. Your name is 'ClarkeM', not 'haemorrhoid'."

ClarkeM laughed and then explained, "Haha, it's a funny story, the name ClarkeM actually means haemorrhoid in Swahili so you actually have been mentioning me all this time."

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the twelve of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker, ClarkeM and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

Headless wromg account

 

[Metalcrusher]

Headless wromg account

wrong spelling too!

 

[Smartys Power]

After the eleven of us - that's manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Headless and Kennedy Parker from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com had finished whatever it was we were doing. Headless suddenly got a phone call, he picked up and proceeded to speak with the caller.

Headless said, "Oh yes, that sounds like a wonderful opportunity! I'll be available to begin filming tomorrow for sure!"

I said, "Who was that Headless?"

Headless said, "That was my manager Metalcrusher, he had secured me a unique business arrangement with a prominent pharmaceutical company and I've been offered an opportunity to film an advertisement for my very own brand product."

I said, "Oh how exciting! What's the product?"

Headless said, "It's going to be called Headless' Super Effective Haemorrhoid Cream. They said I would be the ideal candidate to sponsor for a product like this because when you're a specialist interchange player, you can spend prolonged periods of time sitting. And you know what happens when you sit for too long? You start developing haemorrhoids! I've developed some legendary haemorrhoids over the past two seasons and I need a legendary haemorrhoid cream to cure my chronic anal bleeding."

Smartys stood up and offered a toast, "Congratulations to our good friend Headless, who today achieved the zenith of an interchange player's career, attaining a sponsorship from a haemorrhoid cream manufacturer. Welcome to the club mate!"

The entire room applauded.

Except for... PMBangers who stood up and said, "It's great that you've gotten your name on a haemorrhoid cream brand Headless. But isn't it a bit perverse that something so important to the health of interchange players all over Sweet is sold for profit? I think it's more appropriate for it to be deemed a human right because whether you're rich like the Gold City Royals or destitute like the Fighting Furies, ALL people deserve to be free from haemorrhoids-"

In the midst of PMBangers' rousing speech, the doorbell rang.

I went to open the door and standing there was ClarkeM.

ClarkeM said, "You rang?"

I said, "Umm no I don't believe I did. You rang in fact."

ClarkeM said, "No, no, I was sure I heard you all mention my name multiple times."

I said, "I don't think so, we were discussing Headless' new sponsorship deal with a haemorrhoid cream."

ClarkeM said, "AH there, haemorrhoid, you mentioned me again."

I said, "I don't understand. Your name is 'ClarkeM', not 'haemorrhoid'."

ClarkeM laughed and then explained, "Haha, it's a funny story, the name ClarkeM actually means haemorrhoid in Swahili so you actually have been mentioning me all this time."

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the twelve of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker, ClarkeM and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

Is this true Headless? Bleep.

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

Is Headless retiring as well as Kennedy Parker ?

 

[GWS Goose]

Is Headless retiring as well as Kennedy Parker ?

Hope not!

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

Hope not!

Me too. Odd though he is closing his Clod account.

 

[GWS Goose]

I think I speak for every one when I say we need the next installment of this amazing announcement.

 

[PMBangers]

I think I speak for every one when I say we need the next installment of this amazing announcement.

My dearest feathery friend Goose,
Headless has a plethora of stories about our shenanigans to choose from, it's hard to nail down an order in which to release them!

I do hope your birthday is brought up, oh how we laughed at those events

 

[Headless]

~~~ to be continued ~~~

 

[GWS Goose]

~~~ to be continued ~~~

I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment.

Like all good story tellers, you finished the season on a cliffhanger.

This has a real "who shot JR? " feel about it

 

[Headless]

As you can imagine, it us took us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker, and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – several months to truly comprehend Kennedy Parker’s announcement that he was saying “woof next door!”

Of course, we all falsely comprehended it very quickly, but several months were required to comprehend it truly. And we took that time.

For MONTHS, the eleven of us sat perfectly still, not saying a word. Smartys Power involuntarily said “bleep!” here and there, of course, but there was otherwise no noise. NONE.

And so it was grating, of course, when PMBangers did a sneeze, which is what I call a snarly wheeze. We all looked at PMBangers and, in unison, said “PMBangers, why did you just do a sneeze, which is what we call a snarly wheeze?”

PMBangers didn’t really respond, but gave a bit of a snarl. It looked like PMBangers was about to say something when, very suddenly, the light went out.

That is to say, the light physically stood up and left.

I would explain why and how a light was physically capable of this, except I’m on a very strict timeline, and need to get to the very important announcement on which this thread is based.

So PMBangers had done a snarly wheeze, and my dear friend manangatang and I looked at one another in that sort of way. You know – the sort of way you look at somebody when PMBangers does a snarly wheeze.

The unspoken insinuation was that we should remove ourselves from the situation and go for a soul-cleansing stroll. And so we did.

We got up SO QUICKLY that Smartys Power didn’t even have enough time to say “bleep!”.

I could tell that something was on my dear friend manangatang’s mind, so I asked manang a question – and I’ll tell you what I asked right now.

I said, “manang, what’s on your mind?”

The answer was terrific. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll meet some pretty terrific people, you’ll see some pretty terrific things, and then you’ll read manang’s response, which was “I have a concern.”

And after literal hours of walking and talking and laughing, I came to realise that mang’s concern wasn’t for us, as such, but for the general public.

manang mused, “the eleven of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker, and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are all such wonderful friends. But how will OTHERS get to appreciate the shenanigans? How will OTHERS get an insight into our wonderful friendship?”

And that’s when it hit me – the branch, that is, that I’d just walked into.

But I also realised something very, VERY important. I thought that manangatang wanted to establish some sort of viewing area in the present environment – that is, Yak’s Christmas tree room – where the general public could come and witness our shenanigans.

I asked manangatang if that’s what he had in mind, and he said “yes”, which I’ll denote with the line below.

“Yes,” said manangatang.

And I thought it was simply a wonderfully titillating idea. But I had a concern: who could possibly build such a thing?

We needed, I thought, some sort of company woman or man working on a commission instalment plan to build the viewing area in black and tan with temperature regulation provided by an industrial fan.

manangatang, of course, agreed – ALMOST aggressively – and said, “how about Barrybran [almost aggressively]?”

I said, “Barrybran? As a company woman or man working on a commission instalment plan to build the viewing area in black and tan with temperature regulation provided by an industrial fan?”

And mang said, “yes.”

So we called up Barrybran, who said he could only build the viewing area in black and silver – not black and tan.

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the twelve of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power, cats2rise, GWS Goose, PMBangers, Kennedy Parker, Barrybran and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

 

[Marlowe]

Hello.

 

[Smartys Power]

Bleep.

 

[GWS Goose]

I can't wait for the movie.

Headless descriptive yet captivating writing style will translate well to the big screen.
If Tolkien, who certainly nails the descriptive aspect of writing, but falls well short on the captivating part can get people to watch 9 hours to see a group of blokes walk to a volcano to throw in a ring, I can only dream about how successful this story is going to be.

 

[Headless]

Then I woke up; it was all a dream.