Media Important announcement from the desk of Headless (ATTN: omgfridge)

[Headless]

After the yucca-related hilarity, we – that’s manangatang, Yakker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – sat together and shared a pleasant cup of tea.

Of course, we didn’t actually share the single cup of tea – aside from obvious issues of practicality, the present environment is not conducive for tea-sharing. And by “the present environment” here, I of course mean the Christmas tree room, which is where we were sitting.

mang and I walked into Yak’s Christmas tree room, and I think it’s fair to say that we were both – literally and figuratively – gobsmacked. That is to say, Yakker smacked both our gobs with some sort of fish as we entered the room. It might have been a swordfish, but it also might not have been.

So mang and I entered the room, and mang said, “wow, Yak, I didn’t know you had a Christmas tree room.”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “I didn’t know you had a Christmas tree room.”

Yak said, “oh, I do – sorry, I was watering my yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically, and couldn’t hear the first time.”

mang said, “oh, like the dessert?”

Yak said, “no, this isn’t at all dessert-related.”

The tension was truly uncomfortable, and it’s difficult to explain. I’d try to describe it in more detail here, but it’s a slight tangent, and I need to get to the very important announcement on which this thread is based.

As you can imagine, the situation had at this point become untenable, so the three of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – decided to go on a stroll to a local café.

I think it was called, “The Local Café”.

So we arrived, and you simply won’t believe who we saw. You just simply won’t bloody believe it.

We saw Marlowe from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com, sitting by himself in the corner and aggressively flicking a single playing card between his fingers.

We were obviously a bit intimidated – for obvious reasons – and, obviously, didn’t want to approach too obviously, which is obvious. So we – that’s manangatang, Yakker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – instead approached cautiously.

Left foot, then right foot, then left foot, then right foot – then we stopped discussing foot preferences and walked across to Marlowe.

Marlowe was unbelievably gracious. Or, at least, that’s how he introduced himself – he said we could refer to him as “UG” for short.

Then Marlowe did something DRASTIC. He ordered four – not one, not two, not three, but FOUR – coffees. Specifically, he said – and I’m paraphrasing here – “four coffees, thanks.”

Several minutes went by, and there were some uncomfortable moments, mostly because Yakker was still watering his yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically.

Eventually – EVENTUALLY – the coffees arrived.

At least, that’s what we thought at the time.

What was actually served to us was a small tray, with four thin hats on top. Marlowe smirked a little, then looked up at the man who had served the tray, and said, “what’s all this bloody well about then, hey?”

The man said, “oh, when you ordered four skinny caps, I thought you wanted four thin hats.”

Marlowe said, “but I specifically said ‘coffee’, not ‘cap’. What sort of establishment are you running, here?”

The man said, “oh, I don’t work here.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the four of us are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

 

[Marlowe]

 

[manangatang]

Four thin hats!

 

[Smartys Power]

Hello Headless, this is Smartys Power from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com. Great job.

 

[Marlowe]

Four thin hats!

What a day that day was.

 

[serial_thrilla]

After the yucca-related hilarity, we – that’s manangatang, Yakker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – sat together and shared a pleasant cup of tea.

Of course, we didn’t actually share the single cup of tea – aside from obvious issues of practicality, the present environment is not conducive for tea-sharing. And by “the present environment” here, I of course mean the Christmas tree room, which is where we were sitting.

mang and I walked into Yak’s Christmas tree room, and I think it’s fair to say that we were both – literally and figuratively – gobsmacked. That is to say, Yakker smacked both our gobs with some sort of fish as we entered the room. It might have been a swordfish, but it also might not have been.

So mang and I entered the room, and mang said, “wow, Yak, I didn’t know you had a Christmas tree room.”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “I didn’t know you had a Christmas tree room.”

Yak said, “oh, I do – sorry, I was watering my yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically, and couldn’t hear the first time.”

mang said, “oh, like the dessert?”

Yak said, “no, this isn’t at all dessert-related.”

The tension was truly uncomfortable, and it’s difficult to explain. I’d try to describe it in more detail here, but it’s a slight tangent, and I need to get to the very important announcement on which this thread is based.

As you can imagine, the situation had at this point being untenable, so the three of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – decided to go on a stroll to a local café.

I think it was called, “The Local Café”.

So we arrived, and you simply won’t believe who we saw. You just simply won’t bloody believe it.

We saw Marlowe from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com, sitting by himself in the corner and aggressively flicking a single playing card between his fingers.

We were obviously a bit intimidated – for obvious reasons – and, obviously, didn’t want to approach too obviously, which is obvious. So we – that’s manangatang, Yakker and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – instead approached cautiously.

Left foot, then right foot, then left foot, then right foot – then we stopped discussing foot preferences and walked across to Marlowe.

Marlowe was unbelievably gracious. Or, at least, that’s how he introduced himself – he said we could refer to him as “UG” for short.

Then Marlowe did something DRASTIC. He ordered four – not one, not two, not three, but FOUR – coffees. Specifically, he said – and I’m paraphrasing here – “four coffees, thanks.”

Several minutes went by, and there were some uncomfortable moments, mostly because Yakker was still watering his yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically.

Eventually – EVENTUALLY – the coffees arrived.

At least, that’s what we thought at the time.

What was actually served to us was a small tray, with four thin hats on top. Marlowe smirked a little, then looked up at the man who had served the tray, and said, “what’s all this bloody well about then, hey?”

The man said, “oh, when you ordered four skinny caps, I thought you wanted four thin hats.”

Marlowe said, “but I specifically said ‘coffee’, not ‘cap’. What sort of establishment are you running, here?”

The man said, “oh, I don’t work here.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the four of us are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

Every day you seem to go further down the rabbit hole...

 

[Headless]

Of course, this isn’t all fun and games, and the four of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – proceeded to consume our coffees in complete silence. COMPLETE. SILENCE.

We decided to take the thin hats with us as a reminder of the jolly time we had all had together. Marlowe said – I’ll tell you what Marlowe said here – something like, “you know, this hat really isn’t that thin.” Of course, we all looked at him as though to say, “Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.”

That’s how we looked at him, and I think he understood, because he then said, “you’re looking at me as though to say, ‘Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.’”

We left the local café – I can now confirm that it was called “The Local Café” – and began to stroll. As you might assume, we were walking four abreast, but we were also walking for a breast; the owner of the local café (The Local Café) dared us – DARED US – to walk around the entire block four abreast. She said that she would provide us with a single uncooked chicken breast should we be successful.

So, naturally, we did our best four abreast for a breast.

But we had an issue.

Yakker’s garden hose was no longer connected to a water supply, meaning he could no longer water his yuccas – which he was, naturally, carrying – a trifle too enthusiastically. And without the enthusiastic watering, Yak wasn’t benefiting from the usual splashback.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why Yakker needed splashback at all. And mang was wondering the same thing, so he asked Yak about it.

mang said, “Yak, why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “oh, I’m just a bit warm, and benefit from the splashback in a temperature regulation sense – sorry, I was thinking about watering my yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically, and couldn’t hear the first time.”

mang said, “Yak, this is simply getting ridiculous.”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

It was an awful time for all of us, but particularly for Yakker, who, by this time, clearly – CLEARLY – needed a different method of temperature regulation.

It was then that Marlowe produced the goods, by which I mean he offered fresh produce he had acquired from the local market. He then also suggested something fresh. Something daring. Something new.

He suggested going to the local shop – I think it was called “Kmart” – to source a handheld fan. But NOT to sauce it. He specifically said that – he said, “but NOT to sauce it.”

So we went to Kmart, and started perusing the fans. Of course, we were still four abreast at this stage, which was an absolute nightmare for the staff and other customers, but worth it for emotional support reasons.

But something was wrong. Despite mang and Marlowe suggesting different fans, Yakker was displeased. He was so displeased that he started stamping his feet in some sort of rhythmic jig – you know, the sort of jig you start when you’re displeased about the selection of fans available at Kmart after travelling there to look for another method of temperature regulation because your garden hose is no longer connected to a water supply, meaning you can’t water your yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically.

Eventually – probably after two days or so – I had had it up to pussy’s bow, and I said that to Yakker.

I said, “Yak, I’ve had it up to pussy’s bow.”

Yakker said, “mate – and we are mates – I have an issue.”

I said, “what’s the issue?”

Yak said, “I simply need the BIGGEST fan available. Give me your biggest fan.”

And so I provided Yakker with my biggest fan: BLUEALLTHRU.

BLUEALLTHRU was a little perplexed but, of course, when asked if regulating Yakker’s body temperature was in their wheelhouse, they said, “I literally have no idea what’s going on here. Please don’t tag me again.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the five of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

 

[Metalcrusher]

Of course, this isn’t all fun and games, and the four of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – proceeded to consume our coffees in complete silence. COMPLETE. SILENCE.

We decided to take the thin hats with us as a reminder of the jolly time we had all had together. Marlowe said – I’ll tell you what Marlowe said here – something like, “you know, this hat really isn’t that thin.” Of course, we all looked at him as though to say, “Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.”

That’s how we looked at him, and I think he understood, because he then said, “you’re looking at me as though to say, ‘Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.’”

We left the local café – I can now confirm that it was called “The Local Café” – and began to stroll. As you might assume, we were walking four abreast, but we were also walking for a breast; the owner of the local café (The Local Café) dared us – DARED US – to walk around the entire block four abreast. She said that she would provide us with a single uncooked chicken breast should we be successful.

So, naturally, we did our best four abreast for a breast.

But we had an issue.

Yakker’s garden hose was no longer connected to a water supply, meaning he could no longer water his yuccas – which he was, naturally, carrying – a trifle too enthusiastically. And without the enthusiastic watering, Yak wasn’t benefiting from the usual splashback.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why Yakker needed splashback at all. And mang was wondering the same thing, so he asked Yak about it.

mang said, “Yak, why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “oh, I’m just a bit warm, and benefit from the splashback in a temperature regulation sense – sorry, I was thinking about watering my yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically, and couldn’t hear the first time.”

mang said, “Yak, this is simply getting ridiculous.”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

It was an awful time for all of us, but particularly for Yakker, who, by this time, clearly – CLEARLY – needed a different method of temperature regulation.

It was then that Marlowe produced the goods, by which I mean he offered fresh produce he had acquired from the local market. He then also suggested something fresh. Something daring. Something new.

He suggested going to the local shop – I think it was called “Kmart” – to source a handheld fan. But NOT to sauce it. He specifically said that – he said, “but NOT to sauce it.”

So we went to Kmart, and started perusing the fans. Of course, we were still four abreast at this stage, which was an absolute nightmare for the staff and other customers, but worth it for emotional support reasons.

But something was wrong. Despite mang and Marlowe suggesting different fans, Yakker was displeased. He was so displeased that he started stamping his feet in some sort of rhythmic jig – you know, the sort of jig you start when you’re displeased about the selection of fans available at Kmart after travelling there to look for another method of temperature regulation because your garden hose is no longer connected to a water supply, meaning you can’t water your yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically.

Eventually – probably after two days or so – I had had it up to pussy’s bow, and I said that to Yakker.

I said, “Yak, I’ve had it up to pussy’s bow.”

Yakker said, “mate – and we are mates – I have an issue.”

I said, “what’s the issue?”

Yak said, “I simply need the BIGGEST fan available. Give me your biggest fan.”

And so I provided Yakker with my biggest fan: BLUEALLTHRU.

BLUEALLTHRU was a little perplexed but, of course, when asked if regulating Yakker’s body temperature was in their wheelhouse, they said, “I literally have no idea what’s going on here. Please don’t tag me again.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the five of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

I am getting this 'less, more.

 

[serial_thrilla]

Of course, this isn’t all fun and games, and the four of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – proceeded to consume our coffees in complete silence. COMPLETE. SILENCE.

We decided to take the thin hats with us as a reminder of the jolly time we had all had together. Marlowe said – I’ll tell you what Marlowe said here – something like, “you know, this hat really isn’t that thin.” Of course, we all looked at him as though to say, “Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.”

That’s how we looked at him, and I think he understood, because he then said, “you’re looking at me as though to say, ‘Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.’”

We left the local café – I can now confirm that it was called “The Local Café” – and began to stroll. As you might assume, we were walking four abreast, but we were also walking for a breast; the owner of the local café (The Local Café) dared us – DARED US – to walk around the entire block four abreast. She said that she would provide us with a single uncooked chicken breast should we be successful.

So, naturally, we did our best four abreast for a breast.

But we had an issue.

Yakker’s garden hose was no longer connected to a water supply, meaning he could no longer water his yuccas – which he was, naturally, carrying – a trifle too enthusiastically. And without the enthusiastic watering, Yak wasn’t benefiting from the usual splashback.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why Yakker needed splashback at all. And mang was wondering the same thing, so he asked Yak about it.

mang said, “Yak, why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “oh, I’m just a bit warm, and benefit from the splashback in a temperature regulation sense – sorry, I was thinking about watering my yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically, and couldn’t hear the first time.”

mang said, “Yak, this is simply getting ridiculous.”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

It was an awful time for all of us, but particularly for Yakker, who, by this time, clearly – CLEARLY – needed a different method of temperature regulation.

It was then that Marlowe produced the goods, by which I mean he offered fresh produce he had acquired from the local market. He then also suggested something fresh. Something daring. Something new.

He suggested going to the local shop – I think it was called “Kmart” – to source a handheld fan. But NOT to sauce it. He specifically said that – he said, “but NOT to sauce it.”

So we went to Kmart, and started perusing the fans. Of course, we were still four abreast at this stage, which was an absolute nightmare for the staff and other customers, but worth it for emotional support reasons.

But something was wrong. Despite mang and Marlowe suggesting different fans, Yakker was displeased. He was so displeased that he started stamping his feet in some sort of rhythmic jig – you know, the sort of jig you start when you’re displeased about the selection of fans available at Kmart after travelling there to look for another method of temperature regulation because your garden hose is no longer connected to a water supply, meaning you can’t water your yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically.

Eventually – probably after two days or so – I had had it up to pussy’s bow, and I said that to Yakker.

I said, “Yak, I’ve had it up to pussy’s bow.”

Yakker said, “mate – and we are mates – I have an issue.”

I said, “what’s the issue?”

Yak said, “I simply need the BIGGEST fan available. Give me your biggest fan.”

And so I provided Yakker with my biggest fan: BLUEALLTHRU.

BLUEALLTHRU was a little perplexed but, of course, when asked if regulating Yakker’s body temperature was in their wheelhouse, they said, “I literally have no idea what’s going on here. Please don’t tag me again.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the five of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

But how did you get the coffees? I thought you were given caps by mistake? I feel like we're missing part of the story here.

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

Of course, this isn’t all fun and games, and the four of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – proceeded to consume our coffees in complete silence. COMPLETE. SILENCE.

We decided to take the thin hats with us as a reminder of the jolly time we had all had together. Marlowe said – I’ll tell you what Marlowe said here – something like, “you know, this hat really isn’t that thin.” Of course, we all looked at him as though to say, “Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.”

That’s how we looked at him, and I think he understood, because he then said, “you’re looking at me as though to say, ‘Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.’”

We left the local café – I can now confirm that it was called “The Local Café” – and began to stroll. As you might assume, we were walking four abreast, but we were also walking for a breast; the owner of the local café (The Local Café) dared us – DARED US – to walk around the entire block four abreast. She said that she would provide us with a single uncooked chicken breast should we be successful.

So, naturally, we did our best four abreast for a breast.

But we had an issue.

Yakker’s garden hose was no longer connected to a water supply, meaning he could no longer water his yuccas – which he was, naturally, carrying – a trifle too enthusiastically. And without the enthusiastic watering, Yak wasn’t benefiting from the usual splashback.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why Yakker needed splashback at all. And mang was wondering the same thing, so he asked Yak about it.

mang said, “Yak, why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “oh, I’m just a bit warm, and benefit from the splashback in a temperature regulation sense – sorry, I was thinking about watering my yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically, and couldn’t hear the first time.”

mang said, “Yak, this is simply getting ridiculous.”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

It was an awful time for all of us, but particularly for Yakker, who, by this time, clearly – CLEARLY – needed a different method of temperature regulation.

It was then that Marlowe produced the goods, by which I mean he offered fresh produce he had acquired from the local market. He then also suggested something fresh. Something daring. Something new.

He suggested going to the local shop – I think it was called “Kmart” – to source a handheld fan. But NOT to sauce it. He specifically said that – he said, “but NOT to sauce it.”

So we went to Kmart, and started perusing the fans. Of course, we were still four abreast at this stage, which was an absolute nightmare for the staff and other customers, but worth it for emotional support reasons.

But something was wrong. Despite mang and Marlowe suggesting different fans, Yakker was displeased. He was so displeased that he started stamping his feet in some sort of rhythmic jig – you know, the sort of jig you start when you’re displeased about the selection of fans available at Kmart after travelling there to look for another method of temperature regulation because your garden hose is no longer connected to a water supply, meaning you can’t water your yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically.

Eventually – probably after two days or so – I had had it up to pussy’s bow, and I said that to Yakker.

I said, “Yak, I’ve had it up to pussy’s bow.”

Yakker said, “mate – and we are mates – I have an issue.”

I said, “what’s the issue?”

Yak said, “I simply need the BIGGEST fan available. Give me your biggest fan.”

And so I provided Yakker with my biggest fan: BLUEALLTHRU.

BLUEALLTHRU was a little perplexed but, of course, when asked if regulating Yakker’s body temperature was in their wheelhouse, they said, “I literally have no idea what’s going on here. Please don’t tag me again.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the five of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

Stop tagging me campaigner.

 

[Barrybran]

Stop tagging me campaigner.

Didn't read and can't read are not the same thing BAT

Edit: And I stuff that up with a typo

 

[Marlowe]

The hats - the ones referred to as the thin hats - really weren't that thin.

 

[manangatang]

The hats - the ones referred to as the thin hats - really weren't that thin.

*looks at Marlowe with that particular kind of look*

 

[GWS Goose]

I hope someone turns this into a movie

 

[Marlowe]

*looks at Marlowe with that particular kind of look*

 

[Yakker]

*looks at Marlowe with that particular kind of look*

*gives Mang that knowing nod*

 

[GremioPower]

Of course, this isn’t all fun and games, and the four of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – proceeded to consume our coffees in complete silence. COMPLETE. SILENCE.

We decided to take the thin hats with us as a reminder of the jolly time we had all had together. Marlowe said – I’ll tell you what Marlowe said here – something like, “you know, this hat really isn’t that thin.” Of course, we all looked at him as though to say, “Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.”

That’s how we looked at him, and I think he understood, because he then said, “you’re looking at me as though to say, ‘Marlowe, these are simply the thinnest hats we’ve ever seen.’”

We left the local café – I can now confirm that it was called “The Local Café” – and began to stroll. As you might assume, we were walking four abreast, but we were also walking for a breast; the owner of the local café (The Local Café) dared us – DARED US – to walk around the entire block four abreast. She said that she would provide us with a single uncooked chicken breast should we be successful.

So, naturally, we did our best four abreast for a breast.

But we had an issue.

Yakker’s garden hose was no longer connected to a water supply, meaning he could no longer water his yuccas – which he was, naturally, carrying – a trifle too enthusiastically. And without the enthusiastic watering, Yak wasn’t benefiting from the usual splashback.

Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. You’re wondering why Yakker needed splashback at all. And mang was wondering the same thing, so he asked Yak about it.

mang said, “Yak, why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “why do you need splashback at all?”

Yak said, “oh, I’m just a bit warm, and benefit from the splashback in a temperature regulation sense – sorry, I was thinking about watering my yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically, and couldn’t hear the first time.”

mang said, “Yak, this is simply getting ridiculous.”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

It was an awful time for all of us, but particularly for Yakker, who, by this time, clearly – CLEARLY – needed a different method of temperature regulation.

It was then that Marlowe produced the goods, by which I mean he offered fresh produce he had acquired from the local market. He then also suggested something fresh. Something daring. Something new.

He suggested going to the local shop – I think it was called “Kmart” – to source a handheld fan. But NOT to sauce it. He specifically said that – he said, “but NOT to sauce it.”

So we went to Kmart, and started perusing the fans. Of course, we were still four abreast at this stage, which was an absolute nightmare for the staff and other customers, but worth it for emotional support reasons.

But something was wrong. Despite mang and Marlowe suggesting different fans, Yakker was displeased. He was so displeased that he started stamping his feet in some sort of rhythmic jig – you know, the sort of jig you start when you’re displeased about the selection of fans available at Kmart after travelling there to look for another method of temperature regulation because your garden hose is no longer connected to a water supply, meaning you can’t water your yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically.

Eventually – probably after two days or so – I had had it up to pussy’s bow, and I said that to Yakker.

I said, “Yak, I’ve had it up to pussy’s bow.”

Yakker said, “mate – and we are mates – I have an issue.”

I said, “what’s the issue?”

Yak said, “I simply need the BIGGEST fan available. Give me your biggest fan.”

And so I provided Yakker with my biggest fan: BLUEALLTHRU.

BLUEALLTHRU was a little perplexed but, of course, when asked if regulating Yakker’s body temperature was in their wheelhouse, they said, “I literally have no idea what’s going on here. Please don’t tag me again.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the five of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

This keeps getting better and worse simultaneously! I can’t stop laughing.

 

[Headless]

Once we had all done our fair share of flippin’ and flappin’, and tippin’ and tappin’, we – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – realised that there actually WAS a suitable fan available for Yakker, and it was perfect.

BIG TIME.

The fan included not one, but two modes: both “on”, for when the air was to be blown, and “off”, for when it wasn’t.

Yak said, “this is perfect,” and we all agreed. Aggressively.

So we found the counter to pay, and when Yak was individually counting out his coins, mang made an exclamation.

That is to say, he painted a big exclamation mark on the back of his left – his LEFT – hand. Then he exclaimed, “I’ve made an exclamation!”

But then our dear friend BLUEALLTHRU pointed across to the next counter, and said in shock, “why, isn’t that por_please_ya from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com?”

Of course, we didn’t believe BLUEALLTHRU at first. What are the chances of seeing our dear friend por_please_ya at the local Kmart? Naturally, the five of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – formed a small huddle. Then we moved the small huddle to one side, for it was most inconvenient, and arranged ourselves in a small circle for ease of communication.

mang said, “Yak, is that really her?”

Yak said, “sorry mate, what was that?”

mang said, “is that really por_please_ya over there at the next counter?”

Yak said, “oh, yes, I think it is her – sorry, I was just doing the sort of rhythmic jig you do when you’re MOST pleased about the selection of fans available at Kmart after travelling there to look for another method of temperature regulation because your garden hose is no longer connected to a water supply, meaning you can’t water your yuccas a trifle too enthusiastically; I didn’t hear you the first time.”

At this point, Marlowe, who is, clearly – CLEARLY – the bravest of all of us, said, “gosh diddly darn it, I’m going to go across and ask if it’s her.”

So he went across and asked the Kmart staff member if the person at the next counter was, in fact, por_please_ya from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com. It looked as though the staff member definitely understood what that meant, but was unsure as to whether or not it truly was por_please_ya.

So Marlowe, who, as we’ve established, is clearly – CLEARLY – the bravest of all of us, went across to the woman in question and said the following. I’ll now tell you what Marlowe said.

He said, “hello.”

Of course, this is a wide-spread and conventionally accepted greeting, but the mystery woman was NOT happy about it.

She said, “hello?!?!?!?! Is that all I get? I am por_please_ya!”

She was ANGRY. And by ANGRY, I of course mean:

Amicable
Not at all aggressive
Groovy
Radical
Your typical lovely shopper

And so with that in mind, we all got along like a house on fire. Not like a literal house on fire, of course – that would be too warm, and possibly quite dangerous, depending on broader circumstances.

A genuinely lovely day ensued. I won’t bore you with the details here, as I really need to get to my very important announcement. But you should know one thing, and I’ll tell you that one thing right now.

Near the end of the day, mang said, “por_please_ya, thank you so much for joining us on this lovely day.”

And it was only then that the REAL por_please_ya – the one from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – emerged from behind a corner.

The real porps said, “I am the real porps.”

And the now mystery woman said, “I, too, am named por_please_ya, but I am not from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com. Good day to you all.”

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the six of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya (THE REAL ONE) and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

 

[Yakker]

Not one. BUT TWO modes

 

[por_please_ya]

are still laughing about it now

Can confirm this is still happening.

Signed, THE REAL ONE.

 

[Marlowe]

Hello.

 

[Headless]

After a successful fan purchase, the six of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – decided to spend the evening together, such was the enjoyment we’d experienced at Kmart and thereafter.

But we had an issue.

You see, we simply didn’t have anywhere suitable to sleep. manangatang immediately – IMMEDIATELY – suggested Yak’s present environment – the Christmas tree room. And when I say immediately, I mean it.

I mean it.

As soon as por_please_ya asked where we should sleep, mang made his suggestion. As. Soon. As.

Of course, we were all a little surprised and, honestly, Yakker seemed rattled. That is to say, he audibly rattled when mang shook him. But he put himself together enough to answer, and I’ll tell you what he said.

Yak said, “mang, my Christmas tree room simply isn’t largely enough to host six posters from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com.”

mang said, “Yak, I’m simply unbelievably sorry.”

Marlowe said, “now this – THIS – is a tense situation.”

Smartys Power said, “perhaps we should all go for a small cup of gelati to cool down.”

BLUEALLTHRU said, “our dear friend Smartys, where did you come from?”

And, honestly, I had to agree. Smartys had arrived ALMOST silently. I say almost silently here because his arrival wasn’t quite silent. It was close to being silent, but wasn’t. The silence was near, but never arrived.

You see, on his arrival, Smartys Power had produced a small “bleep” sound. If you think of Smartys saying “bleep”, you’re probably pretty close to the sound that Smartys produced on arrival.

So Smartys had arrived ALMOST silently but, importantly, not silently.

mang said, “Smartys, you arrived with such elegance and grace – they should instead call you Smartys David Gower!”

Everybody laughed, but I couldn’t deal with it. I thought to myself, “I must say something here. I must.”

And so I did.

I said, “mang, that was most humorous, but our dear friend Smartys Power actually did not arrive silently.”

mang said, “I never said he did.”

I said. “oh, I do apologise.”

mang said, “oh, please don’t – it’s an easy mistake to make.”

I started crying with embarrassment and relief. It was probably the most fluid my body had produced since the unmentionable winter of 2003. I was producing SO much fluid that Yak said something profound – something deep.

He said, “something profound – something deep.”

It was a wonderful moment – one of those moments you just know you’ll never forget. And because we were all feeling a little bit wild, Smartys brought out his iconic one-liner – the one for which he’s known across the lands.

He said, “perhaps we should all go for a small cup of gelati to cool down.”

And so we did. But after the meal, once we went to pay, por_please_ya realised that it actually wasn’t gelati we were consuming at all, but congee.

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the seven of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

 

[SSwans2011]

I think I'm going to have to announce the end of SSwanLists, I don't know if I can compete with this media content.

 

[Metalcrusher]

After a successful fan purchase, the six of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – decided to spend the evening together, such was the enjoyment we’d experienced at Kmart and thereafter.

But we had an issue.

You see, we simply didn’t have anywhere suitable to sleep. manangatang immediately – IMMEDIATELY – suggested Yak’s present environment – the Christmas tree room. And when I say immediately, I mean it.

I mean it.

As soon as por_please_ya asked where we should sleep, mang made his suggestion. As. Soon. As.

Of course, we were all a little surprised and, honestly, Yakker seemed rattled. That is to say, he audibly rattled when mang shook him. But he put himself together enough to answer, and I’ll tell you what he said.

Yak said, “mang, my Christmas tree room simply isn’t largely enough to host six posters from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com.”

mang said, “Yak, I’m simply unbelievably sorry.”

Marlowe said, “now this – THIS – is a tense situation.”

Smartys Power said, “perhaps we should all go for a small cup of gelati to cool down.”

BLUEALLTHRU said, “our dear friend Smartys, where did you come from?”

And, honestly, I had to agree. Smartys had arrived ALMOST silently. I say almost silently here because his arrival wasn’t quite silent. It was close to being silent, but wasn’t. The silence was near, but never arrived.

You see, on his arrival, Smartys Power had produced a small “bleep” sound. If you think of Smartys saying “bleep”, you’re probably pretty close to the sound that Smartys produced on arrival.

So Smartys had arrived ALMOST silently but, importantly, not silently.

mang said, “Smartys, you arrived with such elegance and grace – they should instead call you Smartys David Gower!”

Everybody laughed, but I couldn’t deal with it. I thought to myself, “I must say something here. I must.”

And so I did.

I said, “mang, that was most humorous, but our dear friend Smartys Power actually did not arrive silently.”

mang said, “I never said he did.”

I said. “oh, I do apologise.”

mang said, “oh, please don’t – it’s an easy mistake to make.”

I started crying with embarrassment and relief. It was probably the most fluid my body had produced since the unmentionable winter of 2003. I was producing SO much fluid that Yak said something profound – something deep.

He said, “something profound – something deep.”

It was a wonderful moment – one of those moments you just know you’ll never forget. And because we were all feeling a little bit wild, Smartys brought out his iconic one-liner – the one for which he’s known across the lands.

He said, “perhaps we should all go for a small cup of gelati to cool down.”

And so we did. But after the meal, once we went to pay, por_please_ya realised that it actually wasn’t gelati we were consuming at all, but congee.

It was a hilarious mix-up, and the seven of us – that’s manangatang, Yakker, Marlowe, BLUEALLTHRU, por_please_ya, Smartys Power and Headless from the online anonymous text-based football discussion forum bigfooty.com – are still laughing about it now.

~~~ to be continued ~~~​

You are losing me again 'less ...

 

[Metalcrusher]

I think I'm going to have to announce the end of SSwan2011

Fair call.