Family & Relationships Irritability and boredom with people (and solitude)

[Hard_to_Beat]

 

[WCErevival]

.

Weird....

I saw the op as getting irritated with people he is socialising with and NOT irritated at the prospect of socialising, yeah?

In my original response i said that that is sign of immaturity and low self esteem. If you and SA get irritated at your friends for not "getting it", like, you know, not understanding who 'Hunter S Thompson" is, then i absolutely, almost 100% can guarnatee that the issues lie with you guys and not your "annoying, boring and less worldly mates".

This is not rocket science kids. You're obviously trying to assert some kind of superior individuality over your mates and it's a hopelessly insecure thing to do... I'm sure heaps of guys your age are doing the same thing so why don't you actually get ahead of the curb and grow up.

unsubbed.

Its probably more of a case of 2 people growing apart due to different interests. Happens all the time.

 

[cats2rise]

In my original response i said that that is sign of immaturity and low self esteem. If you and SA get irritated at your friends for not "getting it", like, you know, not understanding who 'Hunter S Thompson" is, then i absolutely, almost 100% can guarnatee that the issues lie with you guys and not your "annoying, boring and less worldly mates".

This is not rocket science kids. You're obviously trying to assert some kind of superior individuality over your mates and it's a hopelessly insecure thing to do... I'm sure heaps of guys your age are doing the same thing so why don't you actually get ahead of the curb and grow up.

unsubbed.

You don't even know how old I am, nor do you know me and my mates. But again, please try and Doctor Phil the whole situation. Just because I cannot get along with someone does not mean I have low self esteem or am immature. How can you even come to that conclusion? People grow apart, have different interests, have different upbringings and outlooks on life. No two people are the same.

Your far fetched, bizzare theory that this all boils down to trying to be superior is once again inaccurate, humorous and wrong. I have studied in two countries, lived in three countries, traveled around, love my footy and love my mates. If you then think me coming across an opinionated, close minded twat and not getting on with them after a few hours is a mental health issue, you really should take a step back and actually think, and not just argue for arguments sake.

 

[Silent Alarm]

To be honest, if it was a mental health issue (it isn't), making someone feel bad about having it is a pretty s**t thing to do.

 

[nicky]

Jesus christ you guys. I never said it was a mental health issue.

I said you're trying to assert some kind of superior individuality over your mates. That is how it appears to me, you're free to ignore my opinion.

Next time you make a thread like this i'll either ignore it (like i normally do anyway) or i'll appease you with rubbish.

Hugs SA.

 

[cats2rise]

Jesus christ you guys. I never said it was a mental health issue.

Ah...

In my original response i said that that is sign of immaturity and low self esteem.

I am certainly no expert on the topic, but from what I understand is that Mental Health Issue and Low Self Esteem go hand in hand. If that wasn't what you meant to say/refer to, my apologies.

And whilst not wanting to sound like a broken record, you are still barking up the wrong tree in regards to superiority.

 

[JD11]

are you guys both 'only-childs'?

 

[Silent Alarm]

Nah.

 

[Suspense]

Christ, talk about going over the top. Calm down a little there, Nicky. I didnt realise to be a human being in this world you had to have a love fest with everyone around you.

perhaps not a love fest, but maybe it is a little healthier to hold at least an apathetic acceptance of the fact that other people are just different to you rather than maintaining an active hatred of 70% of humanity.

maybe.

 

[cats2rise]

Arf, well obviously that was an exaggeration. And obviously there is no 'active hatred...' Why would you take every word literally? Thats just silly.

 

[Suspense]

'active hatred' was just an exaggeration on behalf; why would you take it literally?

i don't see a problem with finding 70% of people boring; i just don't know why you get so irritated/worked up about it. dealing with the 70% in a civilised manner is a life skill; responding to facebook messages by telling them how bored you are of them sharing their life online with people they had thought were their friends doesn't seem very skilful to me. personally, i just deal the fact that i'm not going to find all people fascinating and cherish the 30% that i do.

 

[Mooster7]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the OP, at least not from my point of view.

I was the youngest in my family and my brothers were much older. My mom was a stay-at-home June Cleaver type, so I didn't go to a day care. During my formative years of 2-5 i was by myself while my brothers were in school. Even though my mom was home, I didn't talk to her much. She had her chores and TV shows, I stayed in my room or played outside by myself. I could entertain myself for hours, and I still do.

My brothers would come home in the afternoon and I interacted with them. They taught me how to read before I went to school, so I read a lot too. When I started going to school I made friends easily and like the OP am generally the best conversationalist in the room at any given time. As a teenager and an adult I've been in lots of interesting situations, done some travelling and have had bizzaro adventures. I have lots of stories because I go out and get into "story situations" by myself.

I'll go out to pubs and play guitar sitting in with any one of numerous bands I know. I just wait for a phone call, "Hey, Mooster, you wanna play a gig with us this Saturday?" Sure. It's a great way to pick up a temporary girlfriend, and I love playing guitar. However, I don't want my own band. That's a too much of a commitment of my own highly valuable time. Valuabe for what? Humanity? No. Valuable for me.

To this day, I need my Mooster time alone. I don't have a roommate and my steady girlfiend is a "visit only" and not a live-in. I prefer it that way. I still prefer lots of time by myself. Conversations my friends and co-workers have tend to be boring as bat s**t. It's like their voice is going, but nothing is happening. They'll talk about reality TV FFS. I never feel a part of that or them and I don't understand them or their lives/lifestyles. I stay out of it until it's time to interject a joke or tell a related anecdote from my own life. Everyone I work with loves it when I start talking, but when I'm through, I clam back up and start minding my own business again. They don't understand why I NEVER want to hang out with them after work in social situations. I like them for my own part, but I want to go home and be by myself. I've already spent an entire work shift with them - 12 ****ing hours.

When I have weekends off, I may invite a few friends over on one day - and one day only. I like my friends and we have lots of fun and laughs, but after a while, I'm looking at the clock and I'm greatly relieved when they've gone the **** home and I can be by myself. Like the OP I've considered moving across country many times (I've considered San Diego for the weather) but I'm the only one of us brothers who lives close to our parents. They always need help doing something, and I'm their go-to guy. Once they're dead, I'm gone to California - or someplace else. Again, like the OP, I'll be fine moving off by myself to someplace where I dont' know anyone. I've never had trouble making friends or with social interaction, but I would do it alone. A lot of people would be frightened of such a life-changing move, but the idea excites me - just like it apparently does the OP.

I don't see any of this as being judgemental, insecure (I don't have an insecure bone in my body) immature (plenty of immature bones and I like it that way) or any kind of problem at all. There are simply different types of people people in the world. I think I'd gladly have a beer with the OP. Then we'd get up and go our separate ways, happy to be once again alone....until the next time we gladly hook up for a beer.

There's not a problem here. Different strokes. That's all. I know this is all tldr but I wrote it for the OP. Have a good day, buddy. Carry on.

 

[J_Moore]

Suspense nailed it.

It's the getting angry & pissed off at people for not being your idea of super interesting that's unreasonable.

Nobody is all things to all people.

Even I have had to accept I am probably not a lot of people's idea of a good time - that was a very difficult step for me.

 

[Silent Alarm]

It's the getting angry & pissed off at people for not being your idea of super interesting that's unreasonable.

Nobody is all things to all people.

If anything, it's just unrealistic to, as you kind of say, expect everyone to be everything.

I get disappointed when they're racist, pompous, arrogant, arseholes... I end up distancing myself fromt them and they don't realise I just don't want to be friends anymore. I can see absolutely no issue with that. They have other mates and life isn't worth being with people you make you feel bad about yourself.

Even if they're people I really like, being with them a certain amount of time is the issue. I see flaws that are kind of buried, or, that I'd usually skim over and be like "yeah, whatever, your thing is music, so just don't bring that topic up." It has nothing to do with some sense of superiority.

 

[Roobs321]

Admittedly, some friends are 'best in small doses'. They have a quirky, unique sense of humour which makes you want to keep being friends with them, despite their irritating 'flaws'.

With those friends, I learn to organise certain occasions, never a full-day hangout. If these friends are sporty, organise exercise get-togethers.

Similarly, my friends know im not into nights out, drinking, seeing movies like The Avengers/Ted, etc, so it saves the hassle of inviting me and me having to find an excuse.

 

[shurg123]

A little bit off-topic, but I don't think getting sick of certain people means that you believe you are superior to them. If one was to truly believe themselves to be a superior being, they wouldn't bother sharing with the world that they are sick of so-and-so. They probably wouldn't bother socialising much at all, even on an internet forum, for why would they even care about anyone else's opinion? It's like those Youtube comment arguments that degenerate into 'whatever, I don't really care'. Not caring means not bothering to comment in the first place.

 

[Caesar]

Even if they're people I really like, being with them a certain amount of time is the issue. I see flaws that are kind of buried, or, that I'd usually skim over and be like "yeah, whatever, your thing is music, so just don't bring that topic up." It has nothing to do with some sense of superiority.

If you're regularly getting irritated by it, then yeah, it's probably linked to a sense of superiority. Irritation/annoyance is a function of reality not meeting your expectations. If you are irritated by people around you being boring or flawed then it's usually because you have some expectation that they shouldn't be. And if you have an expectation that they shouldn't be, it's usually because you don't see yourself as being equally flawed.

When you start to understand that everybody - including yourself - has flaws that make them boring to most other people, then you will be a lot more tolerant of it. You still may not want to hang around them much, but you won't be so disdainful about it.

 

[MaddAdam]

In other words, you really need a root.

 

[raskolnikov]

So now I am down to 180 odd friends, and I could still cull 50% of the remaining people. Why? because no-one has 180 friends in real life, thats why.

I've easily got 180 friends. Some I may only see once a year but they're still friends.

 

[Seeds]

Most people grow out of their Holden Caulfield stage. Relax a bit. realise you're probably not smarter or better than most of those around you.

But some people are, though.

 

[Seeds]

The people who go out the most and love to talk about themselves all the time and their friends and what they did last weekend and what they will do next weekend tend to be the dumbest people in society. For them, talking about this stuff is fun and they want to do it all night. But it bores others who can only handle it in small doses before the boredom sets in.

People of normal intelligence like to develop hobbies and to talk about events. They talk about what is happening in the world, favourite muscians, sports etc. They don't spend their whole weekends partying and recovering from hangovers because they have hobbies to enjoy.

Smart people prefer to think about ideas. Philosophy, science etc. Sometimes talk about them, but more often think about them. These people become a bit reclusive as a result and only go out partying on rare occassions because it doesn't take long for such events to bore them.

As we get older we also tend to get smarter. When we are in our teens and early adulthood most of us still find ourselves in the first group. By the time we are thirty most of us have drifted across to the second group. But a few still lag behind, while others have moved up into the first group and tend to be a bit reclusive and only hang around with people who are truly worthwhile to them.

 

[Caesar]

That's just what introverted people tell themselves.

 

[Silent Alarm]

That's just what introverted people tell themselves.

I kind of have to agree. Smart people still go out all the time and nurse hangovers. How many uni students keep every Sunday hangover free to build model yachts or to spend all day doing essays? There isn't a dichotomy of smart/dumb in which traits are mutually exclusive to either: typically 'dumb' things can be enjoyed by smart people. And plenty of smart people are into hitting the drugs and drink hard.

I mean, suicide isn't seen (societally) as a particularly intelligent thing to do. But some of the world's greatest minds went out that way.

Muurhgh.

I like going out a lot and seeing my friends. It's one of the things I like in life. I just get sick of some people easily: probably because I just don't like them as people.

 

[J_Moore]

The people who go out the most and love to talk about themselves all the time and their friends and what they did last weekend and what they will do next weekend tend to be the dumbest people in society. For them, talking about this stuff is fun and they want to do it all night. But it bores others who can only handle it in small doses before the boredom sets in.

People of normal intelligence like to develop hobbies and to talk about events. They talk about what is happening in the world, favourite muscians, sports etc. They don't spend their whole weekends partying and recovering from hangovers because they have hobbies to enjoy.

Smart people prefer to think about ideas. Philosophy, science etc. Sometimes talk about them, but more often think about them. These people become a bit reclusive as a result and only go out partying on rare occassions because it doesn't take long for such events to bore them.

As we get older we also tend to get smarter. When we are in our teens and early adulthood most of us still find ourselves in the first group. By the time we are thirty most of us have drifted across to the second group. But a few still lag behind, while others have moved up into the first group and tend to be a bit reclusive and only hang around with people who are truly worthwhile to them.

wow so that's all just pretty much proving my point

 

[Footypie32]

I agree with the OP. I'm pretty similar. I hate small talk, I would much prefer to talk about philosophy, science, human behaviour etc. I don't think I'm being arrogant for expecting a little bit more of people. I also get tired of people that make quick irrational judgements about people, races, modern technology, different kinds of music etc. I'm generally a very open-minded person and will consider all sides of an argument carefully.
I also do not tend to miss people, which puts others off rather quickly. If I'm with someone, I'm happy to have a conversation, but when I'm by myself I don't long for company. I guess I struggle to form emotional relationships, but am otherwise a fairly well-rounded individual (or so I've been told by other people).
I love having time to myself and will often cut-short social events to get some quiet time.
I also hate talking about myself (yes, I see the irony), but am always amazed at how others can always seem to bring the conversation back to being about them.
I also can't understand the Facebook generation that just seem to collect more and more friends without actually building quality relationships with a few close friends. I don't think a person with a fulltime job would have the time to spend quality time with 200+ people.