Family & Relationships Irritability and boredom with people (and solitude)

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The thing is, I'm fine to talk about normal s**t. I like talking about the footy. I like talking about going out. Normal conversation is fine by me and I think it'd be pretty pompous to do nothing but converse about Kant and the state of the Euro.

It's just that I feel plenty of people aren't worth talking to, or are completely self-absorbed – but I realise that plenty of people don't like me and plenty of people think I'm s**t to be with. I dunno. I certainly don't think I'm better than people or that people are unsophisticated in comparison to me... I always overassess myself and tend to feel impressed by some people, y'know, for one reason or another. I don't know.
 
nicky said:
Sorry but that made me laugh.
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Come on, on a law of averages you're going to be uninterested in a majority of people. It'd be weird if you liked and got along with most people you met. The thing is, I don't think I'm better than them and I'm a pretty considerate person – I'm not an a-hole. I'll talk to anyone and I'm not awkward. But I just have no interest in furthering a friendship with most people I meet.
 

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That's fair enough SA, you don't have to be friends with everyone you meet.

To be honest it looks to me like you've retracted a bit from your initial stance in this thread. Initially you were dissing people for not knowing who Hunter S Thompson is, which seems fairly pretentious but now you're saying that you don't feel the need to make buddies with everyone... Well that seems like stating the obvious to me, but ok.
 
Silent Alarm said:
Come on, on a law of averages you're going to be uninterested in a majority of people. It'd be weird if you liked and got along with most people you met.
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Why?

I went to a talk given by Edward de Bono a few years ago. He made the comment that if you are bored by somebody, it is because you haven't found out what's interesting about them yet. His view was that talking to someone and finding them uninteresting is an indicator that you are failing at the conversation.

Of course nobody's really out to make friends with everybody they meet, but finding the majority of people around you boring and annoying is a little unusual.
 
Silent Alarm said:
I just have no interest in furthering a friendship with most people I meet.
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I think that's pretty normal. You just prefer your own company most of the time but don't mind socialising. Which is pretty much the definition of an introvert.
 
Caesar said:
Why?

I went to a talk given by Edward de Bono a few years ago. He made the comment that if you are bored by somebody, it is because you haven't found out what's interesting about them yet. His view was that talking to someone and finding them uninteresting is an indicator that you are failing at the conversation.

Of course nobody's really out to make friends with everybody they meet, but finding the majority of people around you boring and annoying is a little unusual.
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Interestingly, I think you'd have to be a bit naive or just a poor judge of character if you liked most people. I just don't think that's possible in this world and in this life. That's me, though.

And I don't particularly find all my mates interesting. They're engaging, funny, they're good company, and we have plenty of things in common... but I wouldn't say they're all hugely interesting people, mostly because most of us are kind of boring. I'd only say a few of my friends are thoroughly interesting... but how many 19 year olds have the life experience to be provoking? I dunno, but the people I'm absolutely interested in are the ones I'm romantically interested in.
 
Silent Alarm said:
Interestingly, I think you'd have to be a bit naive or just a poor judge of character if you liked most people. I just don't think that's possible in this world and in this life. That's me, though.
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See, you say you don't regard yourself as superior to other people, and then you say that you would have to be a poor judge of character to like most people. There's a bit of cognitive dissonance there, don't you think?

Silent Alarm said:
And I don't particularly find all my mates interesting. They're engaging, funny, they're good company, and we have plenty of things in common... but I wouldn't say they're all hugely interesting people, mostly because most of us are kind of boring. I'd only say a few of my friends are thoroughly interesting... but how many 19 year olds have the life experience to be provoking? I dunno, but the people I'm absolutely interested in are the ones I'm romantically interested in.
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People are interesting. Every single other person on this planet has done something, thought of something, been somewhere or learned something that you don't know, don't understand or have never experienced.

Some people take a bit more work to find the interesting stuff than others, that's all.
 
Caesar said:
See, you say you don't regard yourself as superior to other people, and then you say that you would have to be a poor judge of character to like most people. There's a bit of cognitive dissonance there, don't you think?
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Under the same train of thought, criticism would correlate to elitism then. Anything to write "cognitive dissonance," though.

Caesar said:
People are interesting. Every single other person on this planet has done something, thought of something, been somewhere or learned something that you don't know, don't understand or have never experienced.

Some people take a bit more work to find the interesting stuff than others, that's all.
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No, they really aren't.

'Interesting' is a pretty all encompassing word. Everyone has endearing traits, but it's barely worth hanging around with someone for ages to uncover something. Life's far too short to indulge in that, and it'd drive me fvcking insane and bring out my worst traits.

I don't think it's peculiar to not want to invest time into a friendship with most people.
 
Silent Alarm said:
Under the same train of thought, criticism would correlate to elitism then.
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No. There's a difference between offering criticism, and using criticism to set yourself apart from others.

Silent Alarm said:
No, they really aren't.

'Interesting' is a pretty all encompassing word. Everyone has endearing traits, but it's barely worth hanging around with someone for ages to uncover something. Life's far too short to indulge in that, and it'd drive me fvcking insane and bring out my worst traits.

I don't think it's peculiar to not want to invest time into a friendship with most people.
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Who's talking about friendship? Not wanting to be friends with tons of people is totally natural. Being an introverted person is totally natural.

What's less natural is a desire for solitude being driven by such a dismissive attitude towards other people's worth. Preferring one's own company is one thing. Regarding others as being unworthy of your time is quite another.

You'll grow out of it.
 
Interesting thread and interesting discussion. I can relate to the OP a bit as I tend to get tired after socialising a lot or having to deal with people non stop. I wouldn't say irritability or boredom is the right description for myself but where some people I have noticed gain energy and look forward to socialising I'm the opposite. It drains my energy and I need to be by myself for a while to recalibrate.

I do enjoy socialising and going out, meeting new people etc but too much can mean I start to dread it. I take most people as I find them and can find something to like in 99.9% of people but after a while communicating irritates me. Best for me to go in fresh so to speak. There are only very few people I can stand to be with for a prolonged period of time before I feel I need a beak. Like the OP I do get annoyed after a while, not at the people in general, just at been put in that situation if that makes sense.

I take it from the posts the OP is fairly young 20-23 and questioning how they relate to the world around them and where they fit in. I did the same thing, I think everyone does. But after a while I found that you learn more about yourself and what your limits are and how to set them. That is handle certain situations and remove yourself from something you are not happy with.

Also nothing is ever set in stone and as people we constantly evolve. We ourselves and people around us change as do relationships. People are going to perceive you based oon their own experience. Nothing you can do about that. Just know your own limits I suppose. My $.02 I guess.
 
Run n Spread said:
I take it from the posts the OP is fairly young 20-23 and questioning how they relate to the world around them and where they fit in. I did the same thing, I think everyone does. But after a while I found that you learn more about yourself and what your limits are and how to set them.
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On the money.

My last month has been absolutely centred on finding out who I am and what I want. It's not necessarily tough, but it's pretty overwhelming: it's all I think about.
 

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nicky said:
SA you remind me of Hannah from Girls.
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THIS IS SO WEIRD

I literally, absolutely literally, crossed out of a window about hating Hannah from Girls as the email for this reply came.

I really don't like Hannah... Or any of them. Except Shoshanna's boyfriend.
 
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