Jokes: the good, the absolute putrid and the ugly

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DERKADERRR

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#6
I walked into a bar last night with a roll of tarmac under my arm and ordered a beer for me and one for the road.
My mate came up to me the other day and said, "As a young boy was your mother very strict?"
I replied, "Let me get one thing absolute clear, my mother was never a young boy."
 

Old Spice

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#7
My mate came up to me the other day and said, "As a young boy was your mother very strict?"
I replied, "Let me get one thing absolute clear, my mother was never a young boy."
I saw two cannibals eating a clown last week. One of them said 'Does this guy taste funny to you?'
 

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Hagla

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#15
I was at a poetry competition the other day in Darwin. The two finalists were a Yale student and a typical Darwin redneck. Both contestants were given a word, then they'd have 2 minutes to come up with a Poem. The word they were given was Timbuktu.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Tim and I, we camped and went,
We spied three women in a fly screen tent.
Since they were three and we were two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two!

The redneck won hands down!
 

Obese Arachnid

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#16
I was at a poetry competition the other day in Darwin. The two finalists were a Yale student and a typical Darwin redneck. Both contestants were given a word, then they'd have 2 minutes to come up with a Poem. The word they were given was Timbuktu.
!
"Alex, i'll take phrases I'ld never say for $1000 thanks."
 

Reykjavik

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#21
A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!" The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."
 
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