Jokes: the good, the absolute putrid and the ugly

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SwanDaneFan1991

All Australian
Joined
Jul 20, 2012
Posts
858
Likes
893
Location
Beyond the black stump
AFL Club
Collingwood
Other Teams
San Antonio Spurs
John and Joe are chatting one day, and John says he has a crook elbow. Joe says to John:

"Hey you know John, you can avoid all the expensive medical bills by using that diagnostic machine they just put into Costco warehouses"

"Fair dinkum?!" John exclaims

"Yeah all you need is a urine sample" Joe advised

John relieved his bladder into a cup and took it to Costco. He placed the sample in the machine, which sprang to life:

"You have tennis elbow. Take plenty of rest, and buy some anti inflammatory pills from the pharmacy near aisle three. Thank you for shopping at Costco!"

John was amazed, but wondered whether the machine could be fooled. He decided to mix:

- a stool sample from his dog

- urine sample from his wife and daughter

- sperm sample from himself

John returned to the store. The machine again sprang to life upon recieving the contents.

"Your dog has a ringworm. This can be relieved by an anti-worming cream found on aisle nine."

"Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her to therapy."

"Your wife is having twins. They aren't yours."

"Your elbow won't heal if you keep beating yourself off!"

"Thank you for shopping at Costco!"
 

Maggie5

Spec Moderator
Joined
Apr 3, 2010
Posts
35,104
Likes
31,761
Location
Victoria
AFL Club
Collingwood
Moderator #374
A couple of months too late but I still think it is funny.

Can I just ask everyone for a big favour please ?

Those of you who are planning to place Christmas lights and decorations in your gardens... can you please avoid anything that is blue and flashing.

Every time I drive by I think it's the police and have a panic attack.

I have to take my foot off the accelerator...toss my beer...fasten my seat belt...throw my phone on the floor...turn my radio down and push the gun under the seat.

It's too much for me to do at such short notice............. thank you all for cooperating and taking my feelings into consideration
 
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