Jokes: The Good, The Bad and The Really Bad

[Anzacday]

In your dildo room?

By the way, did Swan get in the ring with Mike Tyson recently? When did a bit of his ear go missing, looks like Evander Holyfield. Might start selling Dane Swan chocolate ears.

Or is that Chocolatiers?

 

[Old Spice]

Or is that Chocolatiers?

Boom tish.

 

[ottoman]

Or is that Chocolatiers?

Oh no. Don't tell me you just said that.

 

[DERKADERRR]

Oh no. Don't tell me you just said that.

I tried to catch some fog today, but I mist.....

 

[Old Spice]

I tried to catch some fog today, but I mist.....

I walked into a bar last night with a roll of tarmac under my arm and ordered a beer for me and one for the road.

 

[DERKADERRR]

I walked into a bar last night with a roll of tarmac under my arm and ordered a beer for me and one for the road.

My mate came up to me the other day and said, "As a young boy was your mother very strict?"
I replied, "Let me get one thing absolute clear, my mother was never a young boy."

 

[Old Spice]

My mate came up to me the other day and said, "As a young boy was your mother very strict?"
I replied, "Let me get one thing absolute clear, my mother was never a young boy."

I saw two cannibals eating a clown last week. One of them said 'Does this guy taste funny to you?'

 

[ottoman]

What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

 

[DERKADERRR]

I saw two cannibals eating a clown last week. One of them said 'Does this guy taste funny to you?'

This bloke I met has a butler with his left arm missing, serves him right!

 

[ottoman]

This bloke I met has a butler with his left arm missing, serves him right!

lol.

 

[Old Spice]

This bloke I met has a butler with his left arm missing, serves him right!

did you hear about the cannibal who ate his mother-in-law. She didn't agree with him.

 

[Mr Bombastic]

Ok let me have a crack at a joke.

Carlton

 

[Old Spice]

A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with robbery on two counts.

 

[Anzacday]

Oh no. Don't tell me you just said that.

I was expecting a comment from you!

 

[Hagla]

I was at a poetry competition the other day in Darwin. The two finalists were a Yale student and a typical Darwin redneck. Both contestants were given a word, then they'd have 2 minutes to come up with a Poem. The word they were given was Timbuktu.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Tim and I, we camped and went,
We spied three women in a fly screen tent.
Since they were three and we were two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two!

The redneck won hands down!

 

[Obese Arachnid]

I was at a poetry competition the other day in Darwin. The two finalists were a Yale student and a typical Darwin redneck. Both contestants were given a word, then they'd have 2 minutes to come up with a Poem. The word they were given was Timbuktu.
!

"Alex, i'll take phrases I'ld never say for $1000 thanks."

 

[Old Spice]

Reading a book on the history of glue - can't put it down.

 

[Smoky]

Does anyone know why Carlton supporters make their wedding cakes out of Poo?



It keeps the flies off the bride.

 

[Ricky90]

Does anyone know why Carlton supporters make their wedding cakes out of Poo?



It keeps the flies off the bride.

What's the difference between VISY Park and a cactus?

A cactus has it's pricks on the outside.

 

[Obese Arachnid]

Salty Malty has been talking the Blewboys up but is he really that confident?

He was recently spied purchasing the below.

 

[Reykjavik]

A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!" The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."

 

[Maggie5]

A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with robbery on two counts.

Took me a few seconds but

 

[Maggie5]

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.

 

[Ricky90]

Sorry in advance for this one...

I remember as a little boy on Christmas eve, lying in bed with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.

Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

 

[Reykjavik]

A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
"No thanks, I'm traveling light."