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jokes

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A man is driving along, minding his own business, when he crashes into the back of a car. Out of the car, a dwarf gets out waving his fists in anger. He gets to the mans window and cries, "I'm not happy!". "Which one are you then?" the man replies.

Best clean joke I've heard in a while.

Actually, wouldn't mind having an A.O. joke thread on here... is that a viable option?
 

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A man's in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his willy, something she had lovingly done on many occassions.

Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'.
 
The Filth Wizard said:
A man is driving along, minding his own business, when he crashes into the back of a car. Out of the car, a dwarf gets out waving his fists in anger. He gets to the mans window and cries, "I'm not happy!". "Which one are you then?" the man replies.

Best clean joke I've heard in a while.

Actually, wouldn't mind having an A.O. joke thread on here... is that a viable option?
Click to expand...
LOL, im sure an A.0 joke thread would be fine just use the shh button to reveal answer
 
blackshadow said:
A man's in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his willy, something she had lovingly done on many occassions.

Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'.
Click to expand...
ouch. :D
 
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They are both plastic and kids turn them on.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both go into kids rooms and come out with empty sacks
---------------------------------------------

And i love these Chuck Norris Quotes.

Ill post some.

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
[/FONT]The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face.

There are plenty more.
 
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Little boy blue.

Little boy blue who?

Michael Jackson.
 

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"Ya know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs
back home. In St Andrews there's a wonderful little
bar called McTavish's.
The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals,
so much that when you buy 4 drinks he'll buy the 5th
drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red
Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink
after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhhhh, that's nothing laddies", said the Irishman.
"Back home in me own Killarney, there's Ryan's Bar.
Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.
Then give you a meal, and more drinks

Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take you
upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house!"

The Englishman & Scotsman immediately scorn the
Irishman's claims. But he swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen
to you?"

"Not to me meself, personally, no," said the
Irishman...

"but it did happen to my sister."
 
The Filth Wizard said:
"Ya know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs
back home. In St Andrews there's a wonderful little
bar called McTavish's.
The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals,
so much that when you buy 4 drinks he'll buy the 5th
drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red
Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink
after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhhhh, that's nothing laddies", said the Irishman.
"Back home in me own Killarney, there's Ryan's Bar.
Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.
Then give you a meal, and more drinks

Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take you
upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house!"

The Englishman & Scotsman immediately scorn the
Irishman's claims. But he swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen
to you?"

"Not to me meself, personally, no," said the
Irishman...

"but it did happen to my sister."
Click to expand...

I wasn't sure where that joke was going until it got to the sister. Nice.:D

BTW, whats with your sig?
 
NICK_ROOBOY83 said:
I wasn't sure where that joke was going until it got to the sister. Nice.:D

BTW, whats with your sig?
Click to expand...

New sig is all... twist on an old legend.
 
The Filth Wizard said:
"Ya know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs
back home. In St Andrews there's a wonderful little
bar called McTavish's.
The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals,
so much that when you buy 4 drinks he'll buy the 5th
drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red
Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink
after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhhhh, that's nothing laddies", said the Irishman.
"Back home in me own Killarney, there's Ryan's Bar.
Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.
Then give you a meal, and more drinks

Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take you
upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house!"

The Englishman & Scotsman immediately scorn the
Irishman's claims. But he swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen
to you?"

"Not to me meself, personally, no," said the
Irishman...

"but it did happen to my sister."
Click to expand...
lmao:D:D:D
 
I posted this a week ago

Got this via an email and found it quite funny. add your own if you have any


An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small
village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures
he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi, 'G'day, mind if I talk to
your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (Pointing at the Villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and
takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes
me
down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Kiwi: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a ____in' liar..'
 
giantroo said:
I posted this a week ago

Got this via an email and found it quite funny. add your own if you have any


An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small
village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures
he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi, 'G'day, mind if I talk to
your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (Pointing at the Villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and
takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes
me
down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Kiwi: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a ____in' liar..'
Click to expand...
lol hahahaha:D:D
 

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A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing.
The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.'
The gorilla walked off pleased.
Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole.
The gorilla roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.'
The gorilla walked off pleased.
Then he came across an elephant.
'Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared.
With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree, picked him up, smashed on the ground with his great trunk and jumped on him.
The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.'

I lold :(
 

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