Family & Relationships Kids, want them, have them or not interested?

[Feraligatr]

This is something that has always interested me.

I'm 27 and not at all interested in having kids. I've never really thought much about having my own family but I actually don't mind kids. I just find it hard to relate to them now being away from them for so long. People say that I will change my mind but I've never really had any kind of drive to reproduce. I wonder if there have been people in my situation who where adamant they weren't going to have kids and then ended up with them.

So the point of this discussion is;

Do you have them, and if you do did you always want them or did something change your mind?

Do you want children one day?

or

Are you completely uninterested?

 

[wadistance]

This is something that has always interested me.

I'm 27 and not at all interested in having kids. I've never really thought much about having my own family but I actually don't mind kids. I just find it hard to relate to them now being away from them for so long. People say that I will change my mind but I've never really had any kind of drive to reproduce. I wonder if there have been people in my situation who where adamant they weren't going to have kids and then ended up with them.

So the point of this discussion is;

Do you have them, and if you do did you always want them or did something change your mind?

Do you want children one day?

or

Are you completely uninterested?

Always thought I’d want kids one day but the thought petrified me. Responsibility etc.

Finally caved in to pressure and now our daughter turns 2 tomorrow. Wouldn’t change a thing. I never really wanted to be a dad at 29 but now it just seems like a natural thing


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[00Stinger]

I was a bit so-so on kids tbh. If I had them, cool but if my wife didn't want them, even better.
I kept on delaying having them until my early 30's.
I've got two boys now (2&1/2 and 4 months) and wouldnt change a thing.


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[Andre]

I always wanted kids, but never had a time frame on when. We had at 31 and 33, so eldest just turned 13 and youngest about to be 11. Both are on the Autism spectrum (but at mainstream school, with the youngest needing a bit more support). Thankfully unlike many ASD kids fall within the normal IQ range (Rainman is a crock movie, in that a majority of ASD kids fall under average IQ). Even with them having been (and remaining) much more work then 'neurotypical' kids I wouldn't go back and change having them.

Guys are luckier, in that we can wait if we want though. If we wait to our 40's we aren't going to either miss out or require expensive and invasive IVF (assuming a younger partner). There's lots of men who hit the 40's or even 50's then decide they want kids and it's not too late.

 

[Matty_G]

Have 2, and too often contemplate the ramifications of dropping them off at an orphanage.

 

[Seeds]

This is something that has always interested me.

I'm 27 and not at all interested in having kids. I've never really thought much about having my own family but I actually don't mind kids. I just find it hard to relate to them now being away from them for so long. People say that I will change my mind but I've never really had any kind of drive to reproduce. I wonder if there have been people in my situation who where adamant they weren't going to have kids and then ended up with them.

So the point of this discussion is;

Do you have them, and if you do did you always want them or did something change your mind?

Do you want children one day?

or

Are you completely uninterested?

You will be socially ostracised from your current friends if you don’t eventually have them. Your peers won’t be partying in their late 30s. Socialisation will be based around kids and family holidays. If you don’t have them you will be cut from social groups. If you are ok with that and happy to find new friends then go for it.

 

[SHAKESPEARE]

Want them, missus doesn't

 

[74561347]

no interest, never had any.

pisses me off when people tell me "oh, you'll change your mind" and act all condescending.

ive known i didnt want them for years, pretty sure im not going to change my mind now

 

[Feraligatr]

You will be socially ostracised from your current friends if you don’t eventually have them. Your peers won’t be partying in their late 30s. Socialisation will be based around kids and family holidays. If you don’t have them you will be cut from social groups. If you are ok with that and happy to find new friends then go for it.

I don't party as it is now.
I don't see why I have to have kids to enjoy life. I should have to have things I don't want just to have friends? Yeah, nah. I'd rather be alone then stuck raising kids just to fit in with social cliques.

 

[Seeds]

I don't party as it is now.
I don't see why I have to have kids to enjoy life. I should have to have things I don't want just to have friends? Yeah, nah. I'd rather be alone then stuck raising kids just to fit in with social cliques.

Fair enough. Just giving you a heads up on one of the impacts of not having kids that most don’t think about.

The other you need to think about is old age once you retire. There is a strong scientific link between people dying not long after retirement if they don’t have a meaning to live. The reason humans evolved to live beyond the age of child rearing is to help look after grandkids when their kids have kids. This helps provide meaning for many retirees. If you choose to not have kids make sure you have things in your life that give you a strong sense of meaning other then work and you can do these things in old age.

 

[74561347]

I don't party as it is now.
I don't see why I have to have kids to enjoy life. I should have to have things I don't want just to have friends? Yeah, nah. I'd rather be alone then stuck raising kids just to fit in with social cliques.

Agree totally. As far as I'm concerned or know I get one life and I want to spend it on me and doing the things I want to do. I know I'm very selfish and think it would be unfair to have a child when I can't give them what they need.

 

[Cuzz09]

Wouldnt mind kids. Not desperate but getting older and so is missus and also am poor AF so dont wanna be giving my kids a s**t poor life.

Hard enough paying bills on time now let alone finding the supposed $250k they need between 0-18 i heard.

It is what it is



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[Seeds]

Wouldnt mind kids. Not desperate but getting older and so is missus and also am poor AF so dont wanna be giving my kids a s**t poor life.

Hard enough paying bills on time now let alone finding the supposed $250k they need between 0-18 i heard.

It is what it is



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250k? My kids 4 and I’ve already blown 100 k on child care alone. It’s more like 600 plus.

 

[Cuzz09]

250k? My kids 4 and I’ve already blown 100 k on child care alone. It’s more like 600 plus.

Oh ok thats the figure i read. Prob from the 80s

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[M Malice]

Never really wanted kids when in my early adult years, met and fell in love and it seemed the natural progression, had a boy and a girl and loved every minute of it, the time bloody flies by so fast though, they are now 33 and 31 years of age.

Now have 3 grand children ages 13, 11 and 8, IMO you appreciate and enjoy your grand children more. I was a very involved grandfather, I retired when the oldest was around 18 months old to look after him as the daytime guardian as my son and his wife worked full time and then continued on with the other 2 when they arrived.

I'm not as involved now as they are all at full time schooling and I like to give them their own space. They're too bloody tiring now to look after anyway.

 

[Thistle]

Want them, missus doesn't

Does this bother you?

 

[perthblue]

27 and single, but certainly want kids. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but if you don't want a family then what exactly is the point of your daily efforts?

 

[Cuzz09]

27 and single, but certainly want kids. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but if you don't want a family then what exactly is the point of your daily efforts?

Some people just arent wired to want kids. Nothing wrong with that.

What are the points of your daily efforts with kids? Just replace whatever you were gonna say and refocus on yourself

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[M Malice]

27 and single, but certainly want kids. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but if you don't want a family then what exactly is the point of your daily efforts?

My brother and his wife both in their 50s and been married for 26 years and never wanted or had children. They are both in very well paid jobs, they eat out 3-4 nights a week, go to shows/events regularly and they do a lot of travelling and are currently one year into an 18 month round the world holiday. Very happy contented people, they can handle children but only in small doses.

 

[SHAKESPEARE]

Does this bother you?

A bit, but what can you do?

 

[Coolangatta]

You will be socially ostracised from your current friends if you don’t eventually have them. Your peers won’t be partying in their late 30s. Socialisation will be based around kids and family holidays. If you don’t have them you will be cut from social groups. If you are ok with that and happy to find new friends then go for it.

As a pedo, this is a disappointing revelation.

Only joking.

No, I'm not James Gunn.

 

[Seeds]

27 and single, but certainly want kids. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but if you don't want a family then what exactly is the point of your daily efforts?

Your own personal happiness.

If you only exist to have kids and your kids only exist to do the same and so do their kids etc then what is the point of any of this?

 

[Cuzz09]

Your own personal happiness.

If you only exist to have kids and your kids only exist to do the same and so do their kids etc then what is the point of any of this?

I feel like half the people just have kids to be popular/keep someone else happy

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[Coolangatta]

I feel like half the people just have kids to be popular/keep someone else happy

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Probably.

It's great to not give a *, it can help you a lot in life, but it isn't easy because you'll come across people who try to make you feel s**t for decisions that don't have any impact on them or anyone else whatsoever, and so in that case, it's important to remember that they're being campaigners and to forget about them.

I think what helps develop that mindset is getting used to not having to deal with people on a regular basis, but that can be a very difficult and lonely existence for many and not everyone can navigate around that, but just to spend enough time developing your own character is all that is necessary.

 

[Cuzz09]

Yeah people are jerks

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