Family & Relationships Kids, want them, have them or not interested?

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#77
Don't have them and have never wanted them. I guess a bit of an odd duck
Me neither.

Don't mind if people ask me if I want them or not, though.

As long as they don't start with the, "You're selfish." etc. shit.

Say that to me and I'll ****in' Gaff ya.

Nah. I wouldn't do that, but I would think you're a flog if you started telling me what a dick I am for not wanting them.

It seems to me like women cop more shit about it, though.
 

FR0GGY

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#80
I have been with my wife for 10+ years and ever since I have known her she has always wanted a biggish family, I was fairly undecided for a long time. my main hesitation was not knowing if I will ever feel 'ready' and of course the $$ side of it as well.

All through our 20's we ended up doing a bit of travelling, got a house and then my mindset changed a lot, I felt more comfortable with the idea.

We had some huge complications along the way but then we fell pregnant and now have a 4 month old boy who is simply amazing and I wouldnt change it for the world.
Almost the same situation for me, if you wait til you are ready you'll never have kids.
Have a 3.5yo boy and twin 15 month old girls, wouldn't change it for the world.
My wife wanted 3 kids i wanted 2, so i guess we have a compromise.
 

Blue1980

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#84
I had an ex I broke up with nearly 3 years ago, who turned me off wanting kids. We fought all the time and she seemed to pick on every little thing I did (probably part of a greater issue but that’s another story), but was desperate not to lose me.

She had this warped idea in her mind that her family would like and respect her and see her as important/good as her sister if she had kids.

Basically I only want kids if it’s in the right circumstances, I can’t understand the idea of wanting kids and trying to shoehorn them into a relationship that isn’t on solid footing, as it’s big commitment bringing another person into the world, and you don’t want to do it with the 2 participants hating each other while they raise you.
 

swingdog

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#85
Didn't want them until I met the right woman in my late 30s. Got lucky. Shared parenting (both working 3 days a week with grandparents) - the days I had with just the kids when they were small were the best. Both stroppy teenagers now but still close. Didn't expect to every have any, but no regrets now.
 
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#86
no interest, never had any.

pisses me off when people tell me "oh, you'll change your mind" and act all condescending.

ive known i didnt want them for years, pretty sure im not going to change my mind now
I like your stance. I have two kids but never ever push it on people. It’s not like it’s some great achievement, anyone can do it. The achievements come as they grow and learn and develop, being part of that and being part of helping them succeed is more of an achievement in my opinion.

My best mate doesn’t have them, pretty much one of the last ones in the group. One guy often hassles him about it, I couldn’t care less if he does or doesn’t, it’s not like I will give up being friends with him because he has none.

They aren’t for everyone, in fact they’re ******* hard, so they better turn out well!
 

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#87
I had an ex I broke up with nearly 3 years ago, who turned me off wanting kids. We fought all the time and she seemed to pick on every little thing I did (probably part of a greater issue but that’s another story), but was desperate not to lose me.

She had this warped idea in her mind that her family would like and respect her and see her as important/good as her sister if she had kids.

Basically I only want kids if it’s in the right circumstances, I can’t understand the idea of wanting kids and trying to shoehorn them into a relationship that isn’t on solid footing, as it’s big commitment bringing another person into the world, and you don’t want to do it with the 2 participants hating each other while they raise you.
Sounds like my ex. Hopefully it wasn’t a twin sister she had!
 
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#88
27 and single, but certainly want kids. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but if you don't want a family then what exactly is the point of your daily efforts?
Plenty. You don’t have to have kids to justify your existence. You probably would make people feel bad if you spoke like that in front of them.
 

Howard Littlejohn

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#89
27 and single, but certainly want kids. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, but if you don't want a family then what exactly is the point of your daily efforts?
Point? Well, there isn't one. But kids wouldn't change that for me.
Life doesn't have a point. It just happens to be what's there; sometimes good, usually not. I just try and get through without causing too much damage to too many people.
 

Deliverance

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#90
Passing on DNA is a pretty big driver for all living things. I guess our cerebral cortex, gets us thinking deeper about it at times.
 
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#92
Don't put them in so much childcare
Well it’s not that easy for people, in fact that is a pretty dumb thing to say. There’s a lot of people out there that have no choice because they have to work, and if they don’t work they might not get another job, even if they are breaking even or losing money.

My opinion? Well get yourself into a financial position where you aren’t going to be breaking the budget if they go to childcare. Or, have someone stay home with them whilst one works. It’s very difficult to manage the whole thing without money. People say it isn’t everything, but it actually is. The people that say it isn’t everything have enough of it.
 

Deliverance

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#93
Well it’s not that easy for people, in fact that is a pretty dumb thing to say. There’s a lot of people out there that have no choice because they have to work,
My opinion? ...have someone stay home with them whilst one works. It’s very difficult to manage the whole thing without money. People say it isn’t everything, but it actually is. The people that say it isn’t everything have enough of it.
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Andre

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#95
Well it’s not that easy for people, in fact that is a pretty dumb thing to say. There’s a lot of people out there that have no choice because they have to work, and if they don’t work they might not get another job, even if they are breaking even or losing money.
IMO this comes back to widespread entitled belief these days that you should have everything straight away. The idea of starting in a shitty suburb and small house, whilst in a lower rung of the workforce and working your way up in both has given way to 'I want to start with a super well paying job, that stimulates my mind and shows everyone I'm socially good. Oh and it pays enough for me to beat everyone else at the auction for that inner city house/apartment'.

The reality is for most people you aren't going to have everything you want, or certainly not at the start. If people genuinely need to have both work to put food on the table, that's one thing. It's another when they are 'forced to work' and put their kids in childcare for someone else to raise, so they can live that extra 5-10 km closer to the city with that big screen TV. Then their ideas on what's really important are stuffed (IMO). Certainly don't cry and say you'll do anything for your kids (except sacrifice a bit of your own material goods / pleasure for them).
 
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dumb

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#96
how could i bring someone into this world? they shit their pants, throw up, pee, smell, and you have to devote an ungodly amount of time just looking after them that you could spend on other things, when you're not working to support them that is.

i have a 10 month old son
 
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