Family & Relationships Kids, want them, have them or not interested?

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Gave birth early February and just going through a spell of PND. Did think I'd go through my First year Scott free but increasingly in tears over silly things. I have reduced posting in the SFA as many of the lads there are nasty towards me. But mostly as it's gone stale and is more of a wankfest for small Boys

In truth a bit ****ed off and not really interested. But still so happy to have my daughter, husband is great... I'm just a total shitbag so probably just me being a twat.
 
CazC30 said:
Gave birth early February and just going through a spell of PND. Did think I'd go through my First year Scott free but increasingly in tears over silly things. I have reduced posting in the SFA as many of the lads there are nasty towards me. But mostly as it's gone stale and is more of a wankfest for small Boys

In truth a bit f’ed off and not really interested. But still so happy to have my daughter, husband is great... I'm just a total shitbag so probably just me being a twat.
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Best of luck. You've just undergone the biggest life change you could possibly have. Only natural there would be a reaction. Just do your best all anyone can ask.
 

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About a month away from the first being due. Having a boy. Currently looking like a C section because the little bugger is still upright. Wife is actually stoked because she is super routine and I doubt would handle sitting around waiting for labour very well.

She works for a small family business and pretty much runs the entire show, so i'll be staying home with bub for the first 8 weeks. Luckily my company offers full parental leave to mothers OR fathers (just need to tick that you are the primary caregiver and you're good to go).

We are 30, own a house and have travelled, so the timing feels right to start a family. Feel as ready as anybody can be.

Will return in 6 months and edit this post to add in how difficult everything has been and how naive I was about everything :moustache::drunk:.
 
Blackhawk42 said:
About a month away from the first being due. Having a boy. Currently looking like a C section because the little bugger is still upright. Wife is actually stoked because she is super routine and I doubt would handle sitting around waiting for labour very well.

She works for a small family business and pretty much runs the entire show, so i'll be staying home with bub for the first 8 weeks. Luckily my company offers full parental leave to mothers OR fathers (just need to tick that you are the primary caregiver and you're good to go).

We are 30, own a house and have travelled, so the timing feels right to start a family. Feel as ready as anybody can be.

Will return in 6 months and edit this post to add in how difficult everything has been and how naive I was about everything :moustache::drunk:.
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We were in the same situation with the kids being the wrong way and forced into c section. C section rocks as the guy. Its all done in 30 mins. No 20-50 hour wait arounds till births. 30 mins and done. Also things stay compact downstairs with only a small scar in a region you wont care about that mostly heals.

Ps. Get a photo of the kid as they get lifted out. Makes for an awesome alien photo.
 
Blackhawk42 said:
About a month away from the first being due. Having a boy. Currently looking like a C section because the little bugger is still upright. Wife is actually stoked because she is super routine and I doubt would handle sitting around waiting for labour very well.

She works for a small family business and pretty much runs the entire show, so i'll be staying home with bub for the first 8 weeks. Luckily my company offers full parental leave to mothers OR fathers (just need to tick that you are the primary caregiver and you're good to go).

We are 30, own a house and have travelled, so the timing feels right to start a family. Feel as ready as anybody can be.

Will return in 6 months and edit this post to add in how difficult everything has been and how naive I was about everything :moustache::drunk:.
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Congratulations. We had a planned C Section for our lad recently and the missus couldn’t be happier with the decision.
They will put a sheet up if your partner doesn’t want to view anything. Just remind her not to look at the lights above.
Mine got a shock looking at the reflection.

No dramas at all tho. It’s like a production line.
 
Blackhawk42 said:
About a month away from the first being due. Having a boy. Currently looking like a C section because the little bugger is still upright. Wife is actually stoked because she is super routine and I doubt would handle sitting around waiting for labour very well.

She works for a small family business and pretty much runs the entire show, so i'll be staying home with bub for the first 8 weeks. Luckily my company offers full parental leave to mothers OR fathers (just need to tick that you are the primary caregiver and you're good to go).

We are 30, own a house and have travelled, so the timing feels right to start a family. Feel as ready as anybody can be.

Will return in 6 months and edit this post to add in how difficult everything has been and how naive I was about everything :moustache::drunk:.
Click to expand...
Good luck with it mate. Enjoy your sleep while you can!
 
Bub was born on the 13th. Been just as incredible as I had anticipated.

C section went as routinely as one can go, aside from a drop in the wife's bloody pressure meaning they didn't get to 'drop the sheet' to show us our son right after he came out.

Main stress so far has been a drop in weight but we are back on top of it now with formula to top up his intakes. Gained 130g in a day which is great.

We managed to attend a friends 30th last night and stayed for 3 hours. We had most people mention how calm we looked and how amazing it was that we managed to make it let alone stay as long as we did. What has really helped has been trying to divide up everything 50/50 where possible. The mrs will also do a bit more due to the breast feeding and expressing, but we are taking the loads off one another and not letting it become overwhelming.
It also helps that he currently sleeps 3 hours at a time, wakes for a feed and then nods off again. Cycle repeat during the night. Getting some decent sleep and both have a god stretch of time off work to really sink our teeth into newborn parenting.

We also have a great support network of family and friends who wanted to be involved. A luxury not everyone has afforded to the and one we aren't taking for granted.
 
Blackhawk42 said:
Bub was born on the 13th. Been just as incredible as I had anticipated.

C section went as routinely as one can go, aside from a drop in the wife's bloody pressure meaning they didn't get to 'drop the sheet' to show us our son right after he came out.

Main stress so far has been a drop in weight but we are back on top of it now with formula to top up his intakes. Gained 130g in a day which is great.

We managed to attend a friends 30th last night and stayed for 3 hours. We had most people mention how calm we looked and how amazing it was that we managed to make it let alone stay as long as we did. What has really helped has been trying to divide up everything 50/50 where possible. The mrs will also do a bit more due to the breast feeding and expressing, but we are taking the loads off one another and not letting it become overwhelming.
It also helps that he currently sleeps 3 hours at a time, wakes for a feed and then nods off again. Cycle repeat during the night. Getting some decent sleep and both have a god stretch of time off work to really sink our teeth into newborn parenting.

We also have a great support network of family and friends who wanted to be involved. A luxury not everyone has afforded to the and one we aren't taking for granted.
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Awesome man. Lots of great moments ahead. Ours is 3 months and he’s just beginning to laugh. So funny putting him in front of a mirror and watching him crack up while you pull faces. All the best with it.
 
I was a full time step parent to two kids at 26. Genuinely changed my life; made me understand that I'm not the type that should ever have a child. I do not like that life. I think a lot of people would be in the same situation but they just don't understand it yet. Please, guys. DON'T rush into parenthood. Really think about your priorities.

Because TRUST ME. It can turn you into a bad person, regardless of how good you think you are. Children can change so much; not only can your life change - you may change. You may not always like who you become.
 

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biggiemediums said:
I was a full time step parent to two kids at 26. Genuinely changed my life; made me understand that I'm not the type that should ever have a child. I do not like that life. I think a lot of people would be in the same situation but they just don't understand it yet. Please, guys. DON'T rush into parenthood. Really think about your priorities.

Because TRUST ME. It can turn you into a bad person, regardless of how good you think you are. Children can change so much; not only can your life change - you may change. You may not always like who you become.
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Yep I feel the same way. I'm not a bad person, but I get frustrated quite easily with certain things. I don't want to lose my temper at a kid because my patience is short
 
ioppolo said:
Yep I feel the same way. I'm not a bad person, but I get frustrated quite easily with certain things. I don't want to lose my temper at a kid because my patience is short
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Amen to that brother. Nothing made me feel like a bigger piece of s**t than getting angry at a kid for a small annoying habit.
 
biggiemediums said:
Amen to that brother. Nothing made me feel like a bigger piece of s**t than getting angry at a kid for a small annoying habit.
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Parents lose their temper its not something to be ashamed of. If it reverts to physical and/or emotional abuse then yeah you have an issue. I love my kids but that doesnt mean I dont get frustrated when they act out and become little shits......every kid does.

Adults also grow/change when they have children and its personal introspective stuff as well. Dont feel like a piece of s**t for getting angry.
 
To the married couples who flat out refuse to have a kid, what would happen if the condom snapped or the pill was actually proven to be ineffective? Just curious?
 
My boys are now 4 & 2. I didn't really care if I had kids or not, to be fair in my early thirties I was happy not to have them, my wife and I had been together for years and married for about 4 years. But my wife wanted them and we agreed on 1, then she pressed me for 2. To be fair now with two kids I would be the one of us who would be more inclined to have a third

Each to their own but I wouldn't change not having kids and having them has made me a better person imo. Having them has made me less self centred and probably more ambitious as now I more worried about providing for them rather than just myself (to be fair I had a pretty good career before them). To me being responsible for someone other than myself has been a good experience.

I remember when my wife was pregnant with our first I just kept on thinking how much I am going to get them babysat so we could go out ext. Then by the time the first cam along my thoughts totally changed.

The one thing I'm not looking forward to is getting to the school age when I have to deal with other parents, I have zero ******* interest in meeting new people ext
 
00Stinger said:
My boys are now 4 & 2. I didn't really care if I had kids or not, to be fair in my early thirties I was happy not to have them, my wife and I had been together for years and married for about 4 years. But my wife wanted them and we agreed on 1, then she pressed me for 2. To be fair now with two kids I would be the one of us who would be more inclined to have a third

Each to their own but I wouldn't change not having kids and having them has made me a better person imo. Having them has made me less self centred and probably more ambitious as now I more worried about providing for them rather than just myself (to be fair I had a pretty good career before them). To me being responsible for someone other than myself has been a good experience.

I remember when my wife was pregnant with our first I just kept on thinking how much I am going to get them babysat so we could go out ext. Then by the time the first cam along my thoughts totally changed.

The one thing I'm not looking forward to is getting to the school age when I have to deal with other parents, I have zero ******* interest in meeting new people ext
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You can pretty much blank other school parents if you want to. Just cos your kid has a play date or a party, doesn't mean you have to be there. School pick up drop off, ditto.
 
Deliverance said:
You can pretty much blank other school parents if you want to. Just cos your kid has a play date or a party, doesn't mean you have to be there. School pick up drop off, ditto.
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Yeah that is the plan.

Lucky I have friends who have kids at the same age so as it stands their friends are my friends kids
 
i am sick of people telling me to have kids, first off I've been single 6 years, second huge mental health problems in our family depression, schizophrenia, dementia, bipolar among others

another problem is the financial burden, the sleep burden and the burden on my free time

I'm still doing my CPA which is a financially burden

Kids aren't a necessity I get as much love from my dogs as you would a kid
 
11kgm said:
i am sick of people telling me to have kids, first off I've been single 6 years, second huge mental health problems in our family depression, schizophrenia, dementia, bipolar among others

another problem is the financial burden, the sleep burden and the burden on my free time

I'm still doing my CPA which is a financially burden

Kids aren't a necessity I get as much love from my dogs as you would a kid
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Anyone telling another human being to “have a kid” is an absolute prick, and clearly hasn’t experienced actual struggle with raising a child.

What is easy for one, is hard for another. What gives one joy, can give misery to another.

I believe to really raise a child correctly you have to almost become completely selfless and place them on the highest possible pedestal of priority in your life.

If you’ve achieved some s**t in life and had your Fun; and you are stoked to begin raising a child and have some money put away and a partner with decent income - I’d say raising a child is probably going to bring you joy.

But then imagine being 26 with no job - the career you wanted is now basically an impossibility because you need immediate money to actually raise the child. Now you can’t spend the days focusing on yourself and career bettering yourself constantly. If you have tome consuming hobbies they are now cut or lessened. We’re human, we’re not all infallible. Resentment starts to build, depression that your life is not what you had wanted. s**t is real.

NEVER listen to anyone telling you to have a kid. Last thing ANYONE ever needs is a child - until they’re 100% ready, a child is the last thing anyone should think of.
 
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