Knifey Spoony
Psuedo-legendary
- Dec 21, 2015
- 3,784
- 11,360
- AFL Club
- West Coast
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- Everton, Borussia Dortmund
Average Qooty player Knifey Spoony has today signed a landmark deal with sandwich giants Subway that may well be the first of its kind in the Sweet FA. While the full terms of the agreement appear to remain under wraps, it is understood Spoony will be assuming a seat on the bench , with the former winger to take on a ‘Super-Sub’ role throughout the season. A further condition of the deal for the utensil named player will be to make at least two Subway related references per match thread. In return, Spoony will now receive two stamps on his rewards card upon each visit
This card will be getting quite the workout
This deal will put him alongside elite company such as Lebron James and Tiger Woods who make a greater income from endorsements than their sporting profession. Being a Spokesperson for Subway is also likely to raise Spoony’s profile, much like Happy Gilmore and redacted redacted (Holy s**t apparently he is a very bad man). Spoony fronted the media today to discuss the deal
Spoony's image will appear in print media
How did this partnership come about?
Well, partly because I am quite unfit, but largely because of the Dragons strong list this season, the bench always beckoned. I have the perfect skill set for the bench, with a posterior that MC Hammer would truthfully be fond of. Seeing an opportunity to benefit from it was a surprise, however with Subway making up about 80% of my diet anyway it just made sense. I also have fond memories of the Sub rule during its time in the inferior AFL league, such as when my mate dropped $100 on Angus Monfries to kick the first goal after he had already donned the green jacket, good times.
Are you just ripping of Headless ?
Pretty much. Headless was a pioneer as the ‘interchange specialist’, and I have admired his work for a very long time. There can also be no doubt that he should be made the All-Sweet FA team last season. I am fortunate to have his blessing to assume this role, and I preemptively apologise if/when I steal his material.
Can I get a footlong?
Yes, and you can also have a sandwich
Spoony may replace golfing legend Happy Gilmore in television campaigns
League Legend Headless was also approached for his thoughts on the matter:
I heartily endorse this event or product. Knifey Spoony should make the All-Sweet FA side in Season 30, and I will not rest until that is the case. Please join the #eightmidsmax campaign to ensure no more than eight midfielders/rucks are selected for All-Sweet FA honours. Knifey Spoony is a true asset to the league, and I encourage you all to award Knifey Spoony maximum beez votes. BIG TIME.
As Knifey Spoony prepared to head to the bench, we asked for his final thoughts
“Eat Fresh”
This card will be getting quite the workout
This deal will put him alongside elite company such as Lebron James and Tiger Woods who make a greater income from endorsements than their sporting profession. Being a Spokesperson for Subway is also likely to raise Spoony’s profile, much like Happy Gilmore and redacted redacted (Holy s**t apparently he is a very bad man). Spoony fronted the media today to discuss the deal
Spoony's image will appear in print media
How did this partnership come about?
Well, partly because I am quite unfit, but largely because of the Dragons strong list this season, the bench always beckoned. I have the perfect skill set for the bench, with a posterior that MC Hammer would truthfully be fond of. Seeing an opportunity to benefit from it was a surprise, however with Subway making up about 80% of my diet anyway it just made sense. I also have fond memories of the Sub rule during its time in the inferior AFL league, such as when my mate dropped $100 on Angus Monfries to kick the first goal after he had already donned the green jacket, good times.
Are you just ripping of Headless ?
Pretty much. Headless was a pioneer as the ‘interchange specialist’, and I have admired his work for a very long time. There can also be no doubt that he should be made the All-Sweet FA team last season. I am fortunate to have his blessing to assume this role, and I preemptively apologise if/when I steal his material.
Can I get a footlong?
Yes, and you can also have a sandwich
Spoony may replace golfing legend Happy Gilmore in television campaigns
League Legend Headless was also approached for his thoughts on the matter:
I heartily endorse this event or product. Knifey Spoony should make the All-Sweet FA side in Season 30, and I will not rest until that is the case. Please join the #eightmidsmax campaign to ensure no more than eight midfielders/rucks are selected for All-Sweet FA honours. Knifey Spoony is a true asset to the league, and I encourage you all to award Knifey Spoony maximum beez votes. BIG TIME.
As Knifey Spoony prepared to head to the bench, we asked for his final thoughts
“Eat Fresh”
