Lame Jokes Part 2

Remove this Banner Ad

Two eggs are being boiled in a saucepan.

One egg says, "Boy it's hot in here isn't it?"

The other egg replies, "Just wait until you get out: you'll get your head smashed in."

(Thanks Ugly Dave Gray)
 
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product..?'

She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time...'

'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for..?'

'We use it when we're having sex...'

The researcher was a little taken back.

'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I do admire you for your honesty.

Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it when you're having sex?'

The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all...

My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out...
 

Log in to remove this ad.

The Arabian inventor of the bullet-proof vehicle died today.
R.I.P. Ahmed Khar..
 
If you dont like the government survey next week you must quickly come to your census
 
I just filled up with petrol and accidentally spilt some on my sleeve. Driving down the road I lit a cigarette then my sleeve caught fire.

I hung my arm out the window hoping the rush of wind would put out the fire.

Next minute a cop pulls me over. I'm being arrested for having a fire arm without a licence.
 
"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face, I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel again!!!
 

(Log in to remove this ad.)

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach near Tel Aviv.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. ”Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Haifa," he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"o_O
 
Bloke walks into fish and chip shop with a live tuna under his arm
Says to shopkeep "do you serve fishcakes?"

Shopkeeper says "yes we most certainly do

Bloke says "great, its his birthday"
 
Whoever stole my Microsoft office. I will find you.

You have my word
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Remove this Banner Ad

Back
Top