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Lame Jokes Part 2

Discussion in 'Humour and Games Board' started by Hard Ball Get, Aug 29, 2010.

Put it out there
  1. Quadzilla

    Quadzilla Brownlow Medallist

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    Once upon a time, there were two Skunk brothers named In and Out. Whenever In was in, then Out was out. But whenever In was out, Out was in.

    One day, In was out and Out was in, and their Skunk mother asked "Out, will you go out and bring back In?" Out obeyed, and 5 minutes later came back with In.

    Mother was amazed. She asked "Out, how did you find In so fast?!"

    Out replied "Simple. Instinct."
     

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  2. roscreasl98

    roscreasl98 Premiership Player

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    Why does Irelands population get bigger each day?

    Because the capital's always Dublin.....
     
  3. Quadzilla

    Quadzilla Brownlow Medallist

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    It was a hard upbringing when I was a kid.
    I used to get covered in cream and chocolate and then other kids would put a cherry on my head.

    Yes, life was tough in the gateau.
     
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  4. Quadzilla

    Quadzilla Brownlow Medallist

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    Just reading a book about the manufacturing of adhesives. I'm still stuck on page 20.

    #lamejokes
     
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  5. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    I've just listened to a lecture on yawns.

    How tiring.
     
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  6. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    What's a car enthusiast's favourite type of smoke?

    A drag.
     
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  7. GreyCrow

    GreyCrow Brownlow Medallist

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    I was left open-mouthed
     
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  8. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    Have you heard about the R-rated movie about classical instruments?

    There's lots of sax and violins.

    Plenty of brass and g-strings too.
     
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  9. roscreasl98

    roscreasl98 Premiership Player

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    I haven't got a glue what this jokes about.
     
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  10. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    There's a new measurement that determines how heavy a pen is.

    They're weighed in Kilometricos.
     
  11. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    Been trying to DJ lately.

    Been very scratchy.
     

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  12. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    I farted in a lift which was smelly on so many levels.
     
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  13. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    I've written an instruction guide on how to walk down stairs.

    Step 1.
    Step 2.
    Step 3.
     
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  14. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    Can someone please tell me the purpose of a leg?

    Well I'll go out on a limb and say........
     
  15. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    What do you get when you cross a well known clothes shop and a dentistry clinic?

    GAP.
     
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  16. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    I tried using these new scissors but they didn't cut it.
     
  17. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    What do you call a wet Parrot?
    Poly-saturated.

    What about when it's dry?
    Poly-unsaturated.
     
  18. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    What's Black and White and Red all over?

    A sunburnt Zebra.
     
  19. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    Here's something that'll warm your heart.
    Electrically heated lungs.

    - Tim Vine.
     
  20. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    I struggle to have a relationship with people who speak Xhosa.

    Something doesn't quite click.
     
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  21. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    What did one curtains say to the other?

    Pull yourself together.
     
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  22. AAACockburn

    AAACockburn Club Legend

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    A man and his pet seagull walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my seagull." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the seagull falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a seagull."
     
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  23. Hard Ball Get

    Hard Ball Get Brownlow Medallist

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    What's better than eating a mandarin?



    Eating Amanda out.
     
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  24. RedmanWasHere

    RedmanWasHere Brownlow Medallist

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    Oh dad.

    That's so poor. :D
     
  25. Quadzilla

    Quadzilla Brownlow Medallist

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    I phoned the RSPCA and told them I'd found a suitcase with a cat and six kittens inside.

    "Are they moving?" the guy on the phone asked.

    I said, "I don't know... but that would explain the suitcase."
     
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