Lame Jokes Part 2

[Quadzilla]

Europe.

Europe Who?

 

[roscreasl98]

Europe Who?

No I'm not, you are.

 

[Quadzilla]

Sorry swans fans ...

Just got pulled over ... using my mobile whilst driving.

Good news is I have more points than the Swans

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Just had a thought

If Donald Trump was Mexican and hated the country immediately above him, would that make him Antiseptic?

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I went to put a flatpack book case together but those plans were shelved.

 

[Quadzilla]

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Visuals?

I like those.

 

[Quadzilla]

I went to a Rapunzel themed party last night. It was good to see everyone let their hair down.

 

[Wallaby]

Bad Puns? You asked.................

Where do Ghost trains stop? At manifestations.
I took up jogging, but found that seven days running makes one weak.
I got fired from my job making calendars. All I did was take a day off. It was just after the big robbery they had there. The thief got 12 months.
Then I got a job writing the script for a pr0n movie. Unfortunately there were too many holes in the plot.
Next week, I'm doing a speech at the Innuendo Conference. The main speaker cancelled, so I have to fill her slot.
I've just got my PC back after it was infected by the Miley virus. it just stopped twerking.

(Please..... I need help.........)

I just got my IQ test result. I was worried, but fortunately, it was negative.

 

[Damp Squarie]

The ATO believed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help.
An agent from Wollongong was sent to the fishing village of Kiama to investigate the boat owner.

GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand. He's been with me for 3 years.
I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, and pays his own room and board.
I buy him a bottle of rum and 3 dozen stubbies every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
Also, he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"

 

[worbod]

This year will be six years since Steve Jobs died; a guy who lived life to the macs.

 

[worbod]

My wife accused me of being self-important.
I nearly fell off my throne.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

This year will be six years since Steve Jobs died; a guy who lived life to the macs.

Whose core values were there to see.

 

[Quadzilla]

 

[Quadzilla]

Dated an Optometrist once but I had to break it off. Whenever we were making love she had to keep asking "Which is better? This? or this?"

 

[worbod]

View attachment 364679

That's madness.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Dated an Optometrist once but I had to break it off. Whenever we were making love she had to keep asking "Which is better? This? or this?"

Should've gone to Specsavers.

 

[worbod]

When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What's an Indian's favourite sort of music?
Chopra.

I don't want to do anything wrong to Indians.
Sharma's always a bitch.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What sort of flower can you make from fabric?

A chuleip.

 

[roscreasl98]

What sort of flower can you make from fabric?

A chuleip.

What do you get when you cross a dog and a rose?

A collie flower.....

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you get when you cross a dog and a rose?

A collie flower.....

What do you call an upper class Feline with a love of flowers?

A Dandy Lion.

 

[roscreasl98]

What do you call an upper class Feline with a love of flowers?

A Dandy Lion.

Or a Tiger Lily?

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Or a Tiger Lily?

Purr-fect.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you call an older Feline who goes after a younger one?

A Cougar.