Lame Jokes Part 2

[Quadzilla]

As I suspected, someone keeps adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

As I suspected, someone keeps adding soil to my garden.

The plot thickens.

They must be a seedy type.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Just had a cordial chat.

Don't worry, nothing juicy came of it.

 

[Quadzilla]

Rock climbers need to get a grip and move on.

 

[roscreasl98]

Just had a cordial chat.

Don't worry, nothing juicy came of it.

My mate just threw a bottle of Coke, and it hit me in the head.

Didn't hurt though, it's only a soft drink.

 

[roscreasl98]

Rock climbers need to get a grip and move on.

True. Otherwise it's all downhill.

 

[roscreasl98]

They must be a seedy type.

Keep digging, you'll find the culprit.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Keep digging, you'll find the culprit.

I won't until I soil myself.

 

[GreyCrow]

Lame jokes people not dirty

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Lame jokes people not dirty

What about a clean joke then?
I washed my hair.

 

[Damp Squarie]

**********************NavyNewsFlash***********************
Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers.
Addressing all personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, "Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males.

Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a Marine from the security detail assigned to the ship stood up in the crowd and inquired...
"How much for a season pass?"

God bless the USMC!

 

[Quadzilla]

What do you call a heap of cattle?

A stockpile!

 

[Quadzilla]

I got sent a package the other day, but when it arrived it was all damp.

I complained at the post office, and they said it must have had postage dew.

 

[GreyCrow]

I went to the Post Office and they had this dirty horrible smelling old man handling the mail.

Found out he was the Tramp Stamp

 

[Double the Fist]

Weird! Says I have 561 posts on this jokes thread tho

According to my computer, 4 of them were funny.....

 

[Procrastinator35]

According to my computer, 4 of them were funny.....

That's pretty lame.

 

[Double the Fist]

That's pretty lame.

 

[Quadzilla]

I just bought trousers online....so excited I shipped my pants!

 

[Quadzilla]

A man walked into a library and asks "Do you have any books on paranoia?"

The librarian replied "They're right behind you!"

 

[roscreasl98]

A man walked into a library and asks "Do you have any books on paranoia?"

The librarian replied "They're right behind you!"

I used to have a split personality.

And so did I.

 

[worbod]

I had to take my seeing eye dog to the vet to find out what was wrong with it. The vet gave me a detailed lab report.

 

[worbod]

I was getting in to my car the other day when a stranger came up to me and said, 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said, 'Sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!'

 

[RedmanWasHere]

After taking an exhaustive s**t, I became very pooped.

 

[roscreasl98]

I had to take my seeing eye dog to the vet to find out what was wrong with it. The vet gave me a detailed lab report.

I was in Bunnings today, and there was a blind man swinging his guide dog around in the air on its lead.

I said, "What are you doing mate".

"Just looking around the store" he said.

 

[roscreasl98]

I was getting in to my car the other day when a stranger came up to me and said, 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said, 'Sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!'

I went to the pub last Friday.

My mate Colin Ostrophy was sitting at the bar, and he looked a bit pissed off with the world.....

I asked him "What's up your arse Colin?"